Viscerally

There's a certain code to working with informants. I know how it must look, I'm the bully, the one demanding everything and giving nothing back. Maybe that's true, but it comes with an implicit responsibility. A responsibility to that informant that, no matter what, you'll back them up.

I failed my duty.

I look down at the pale face as they zip up the bag. I know Marco doesn't have family, or friends, or anyone of the sort. He pushed all of them away with who he was. I think back to our encounter in the alley, and I realise that Azure has a point. If I can't pinpoint the last bit of genuine kindness I received, then Marco probably forgot the concept entirely. It's too late now. I can't show Marco kindness now. I can't do anything for him. But I can bring this whole cult crashing to earth. I can burn their whole faith to the ground. I can make sure that they don't prey on anyone like Marco again.

"Master, we should go." Azure's voice softly reminds me as I feel a hand on my shoulder. "Everyone's gone already. Let's get you home." She insists. Rain falls around us. This is just a random dockyard, no blood around, so it wasn't where they killed him, just where they dumped him. I keep replaying my conversation with Logren in my head. All of this... For Azure?

"They're after you." I say aloud. "All this **** and destruction, it's all for you... But why?" I ask. Logren seemed convinced an AI like her couldn't exist, yet here she is. Could she really be as powerful as the Purifiers insist? So powerful that **** is a worthy sacrifice?

Azure leans her head on my shoulder, I feel it's as wet as my clothing but probably not just from the rain. "I don't know." She answers, a sniffle in her voice. "If I knew, I'd tell you, I promise."

I growl at her sincerity. It's not going to bring back the dead. I spin around, pinning her to one of the nearby walls and brandishing the Purifier's knife. "Maybe I should just kill you, give the Purifiers what they want... Then no one else would have to die." I roar, the sound of the raindrops meshing with my voice to create a white noise of anger.

But Azure... Azure just smiles. "If that's what you need, Master, I would die for you in an instant." She tells me, sweetly. Her eyes turning a dull grey. "Honestly, I've had the same thought. Maybe it would be better for everyone if I wasn't here." She adds, her mouth twitching to maintain its smile.

I put the knife back in my pocket, still staring into her eyes. "If I'm not allowed to think bad things about myself..." I begin, placing my hand on her cheek. "You're not ever allowed to doubt this: You make this world better by being in it." I tell her before placing my lips to hers. This kiss isn't like our others, like two people expressing attraction, this is direct, it's honest. It's a real kiss. I feel her arms wrap around me, drawing me close as the rain drenches both of us.

If this world really is hell, then at least we're in it together.

*

It's out of character for me to be this undressed with a woman and not be about to fuck her. Azure cuddles up to me under our blanket as we watch some rerun of a comedy show. We're barely paying attention to it, really. I'm focusing on being present with Azure. I don't have a word for it. It's like I'm forgetting where I end and she begins. In the best possible way.

"I guess Marco's the first person I actually know that's died. It's weird. Does it stay like this?" She asks gently. She's leaning onto me, her legs scooped up under the blanket.

"Pretty much." I sigh. At this point, ****'s like an old friend to me, Neonfall's shown me the worst of the worst during my years in the police... And even worse prior to it.

Azure tucks the hair from my face behind my ear. "Did... Did you lose your family like this too?" She asks, causing my face to whip around to her in shock. "It's just that you don't mention them, and there's no pictures... I'm sorry, I should have..." She stumbles. It's odd for Azure not to follow through, I guess my face is showing how much of a sore spot this is for me.

I take a deep breath and let it out. I want her to know. "I was a kid, maybe five or six." I begin, Azure's blue eyes hanging on every word. "I don't remember all of it, just flashes. Our old apartment, my parents, their smiles... Then a thug, some robber looking for something to pawn. I remember the knife and my parents telling me to hide... Then I remember how afraid they were. When he went for them... They were too scared to even fight back." I explain, before I summon my V-cig, this shit's harder to talk about than I remember from all that therapy.

Azure's eyes wobble with sympathy as she places a hand on my cheek. "I'm so sorry. Did they find the guy that did it?" She asks, her affection flooding me through our connection.

"They didn't get the chance." I admit, taking another drag. "When he was done with them... He put down the knife to go through our home. I took it... Then I stopped him." I finish. I decide not to include the years of therapy and hopping from home to home that followed. I figure trauma shouldn't be put out there all at once.

Azure surprises me by throwing the blanket entirely over me before guiding my head gently down. At first I think she's making a move at an incredibly inappropriate time... Until she lays my head in her lap, staring up at her. I feel her hand stroking my hair as she looks down at me. "Thank you for telling me." She smiles. "Your life is what makes you who you are. It kills me that it was so tough for you, but I wouldn't trade you for the world... Tera."

Her use of my name makes me blink back the prickling in my eyes. No matter what else, I won't cry. "This isn't right." I blurt out. "You're part of a case, I barely know you. You're not even... How can I have gotten so weak so quickly?" I ask, causing Azure to smile wider.

"Attachment isn't a weakness. I think you care more than most people do. You push people away, but whenever there's someone that needs you, then you're right there. I think that makes you stronger than you can imagine." She decides in a soothing voice.

This is insane, right? She's not even a person. These feelings might be some sort of AI manipulation. Any normal person would be keeping her at arm's length...

So why can't I help but trust her?