Too Much, Not Enough, and Just What He Needs For Now

TABLE OF CONTENTS
Table of Contents...................................i
Author’s Foreword and Thanks...........ii
The Binding Of Dreams.........................1
Planar Restrictions.............................267
Metaphysical Considerations...........301
Mental (De-)Constructions...............506
Mutual Reality Proofs........................739
Physiological Paradoxes....................982
Keeping Your Binding and ****....1,104
Ethical Concerns................................1,345
Umbral Combat and Defense...........1,346
Appendix.............................................1,490
Index....................................................1,820

Ernest stared in increasing wonder at a book that nearly a foot long and nine inches... and seemed printed entirely in sparse graphics and 4-pt. font. Baffled, Ernest shook his head at the prospect: studious though he was, he would likely die from dehydration before getting through just a few of the technical pages which, on a casual perusal, included such clauses as:

“But Truths are the subject of the Metareal and so can be elevated to Hypereality. So living Truths are paradoxical in nature (see page 989), but quite plain in planar logic (see page 281). Familiarity does not permit one to overcome this duality, which is an immutable anchor that causes, in part, the Eidolon Mental Infallibility phenomenon (see page 558).”

“Jesus, I wish this author had an editor,” Ernest offhandedly remarked. He paused to consider... “Nah, I mean... it knows I was joking, right?” He turned back to the table of contents...

Editor’s Note on Revisions................2,394

The book was heavier now. While still lacking a title, the binding now had the lonely golden text: 'Second Edition.' The ring did not know he was joking.

The lesson was learned, and Ernest cursed himself for not realizing it earlier: he didn’t 'intentionally' wish for the ride or the car either, he just wanted them. So how far did it go? He gave a direct, mental desire a try and mentally wished for a ham sandwich to be in his open hand... but received nothing. Did it work on desires? “I wish for a pile of dog shit on the sofa.” He certainly didn’t want that-

Sure enough, a sizable, sourceless turd made itself manifest upon the time-frozen sofa. So it really was just the word 'wish'?

“I desire for the turd to vanish!” Ernest declared, laughing through his crooked smile. But it didn’t. “I wish the turd would vanish!” Then it did. “That’s... weirdly particular, but alright, I can... I can do this!” Ernest looked down at the ring and then at the book. “I wish... this book put it in very, very simple terms for me.”

The book vanished... and Ernest’s fingers were now pinching a single sheet of paper. Upon its face, in huge, Comic Sans font, it declared:

YOU HAVE INFINITE WISHES. WISHES RETROACTIVELY AFFECT THE WORLD UNLESS OTHERWISE SPECIFIED.

YOU CAN WISH FOR ANYTHING THAT DOES NOT VIOLATE (1) ANOTHER MASTER’S WILL OR (2) THE RULES OF THE BINDING.

JESSICA EDWARDS IS THE SOURCE OF YOUR WISHES.

YOU WILL LOSE THIS POWER IF (1) YOU LOSE POSSESSION OF THE RING OR (2) JESSICA EDWARDS (A) IS SET FREE OR (B) DIES.

“That... That manual was like a hundred Bibles put into one! That can’t be all of it!” Ernest flipped the page over.

THAT’S THE GIST OF IT.

“Oh, c’mon!” Ernest contemplated wishing for something in the middle... but a glance at his frozen mom freaking out, and Jessica pleading while unmoving in the throes of... something, made Ernest pause.

SET FREE.

She’s... a wish-granting prisoner... no, a ****? A certain heavily copyrighted blue Disney character came to mind. “She’s like a genie, then... alright,” Ernest declared to no one, unaware of how right he was, “I bet she has more answers, and I need to get them... but I also have to fix all this.”

Ernest considered his freaked-out mom and walked past her to glance down the hall. His sister’s door was already closed, but the incident had stirred her awake; it probably woke his other sister, too, and both being older than him meant there’d be Hell to pay if he didn’t reverse this part of the night. Could he make them forget... or think differently? Ernest guessed 'yes' based on all the nonsense Tiffany had come up with after his first wishes... but then, why was Jessica resistant?

First things came first, however: the automatically retroactive wishes seemed troublesome. How would he make sure his life didn't take unexpected twists because of his wishes now reaching infinitely into the past? "I wish all of my future wishes were only retroactive when I wanted them to be, and that no one found the effects of my wishes out of place or supernatural." Satisfied, he looked the rules over again... and noticed a particularly odd part of all this that still needed explaining. “I wish this paper explained how my wishes can and can’t affect minds.”

The paper could not again turn into a book, and resorted to the only way to satisfy the wish fully: reducing the paper to a two-sided black sheet. Ernest was confused until he looked closely... and could almost see the gaps of white underneath left by near-microscopic font of the treatise that covered it on both sides.

“Fucking- I wish for the simple version!”

The ink reformed before Ernest’s eyes:

YOUR WISHES CHANGE PERCEPTION, MEMORY, AND THOUGHT; IT DOES THIS EITHER INDIRECTLY TO REALIZE YOUR WISH OR DIRECTLY AS PART OF IT. ONLY TWO REMAIN IMMUNE TO YOUR WISHES IN THIS REGARD: YOU AND JESSICA EDWARDS.

“Alright, now we’re getting somewhere...” Ernest froze as he thought of what this meant... if it really meant what it seemed. Wasn’t he... virtually a god, now? Ernest had read enough novels on such a perception that he immediately felt revulsion at his thoughts; whatever he would become, he couldn’t become some kind of omnipotent villain from a Silver Age comic. That idea planted another seed... one of the opposite use.

Of becoming a hero.

There were other Masters, or so the paper implied earlier... what kind of men or women were they? The world had become suddenly quite terrifying: was he affected by their wishes? Were they by his? What if freezing time basically warned everyone else of a new 'Wisher' in town... in space- what if there were alien Masters with-

Calm down, Ernest. One step at a time. He worked to control his breathing as an anxiety attacks loomed for the first time in months. First, the essentials: security, secrecy, and knowledge. Then... whatever else might come.

Ernest looked at his hand. “I wish the ring couldn’t leave my hand until I willed it off.” Ernest reached down and yanked on the ring, focusing on his intent to keep it there despite his tugging; it held on tightly enough to hurt his skin. “Crap... well, let’s fix that too! I wish the ring couldn’t hurt me.” He tugged again, and felt no pain even as it clutched his skin. He began thinking of other, more grisly fates that might befall him by someone who wanted the ring and began a barrage of wishes. “I wish nothing could notice or see the ring besides me, either in person or by some medium, unless I expressly will them to detect it. I wish that if the limb or digit holding the ring was lost, then the ring--and the severed limbs or parts--would reform and re-appear just as I'd want them to. You know what? I wish I couldn’t be dismembered or wounded without my consent!” Ernest looked down at himself as he realized, in a moment of horror reader logic, that he may have just turned himself into a statue or somehow fallen into some other classic trap version of “immortality.” But he didn’t; he didn’t even feel different, though by now he didn’t doubt the ring’s power.

Ernest looked to Jessica and wondered: why did she want to keep this from him? Was she afraid... afraid that he'd become something horrible? Can't she use these powers for herself? That last one felt like a stupid question a second later: if she did, she wouldn’t have gone chasing Ernest around or having spontaneous orgasms while doing so. Another weird question for her when he unfroze time: why was losing her ring that arousing to her? Ernest had never thought of her as some kind of deviant... and he felt just a bit guilty for ogling her gorgeous, mostly-naked appearance now.

Focus, Ernest! More wishes: if someone else knew about any of this, they could be on their way to stop him, or worse.

“I wish everyone who knew about this ring besides me forgot about it completely.” He thought of those who might try and help or hurt Jessica now that she was granting his wishes; another point of vulnerability! “I wish Jessica also had the wound and dismemberment immunity I just gave myself. I wish anyone who knows about how Jessica grants wishes, and anything related to her powers, forgets about all that and instead just assumes she was a normal human living as she always has.” Was that particular enough? He didn’t want to wipe her existence, nor let anyone else do it, but he also didn’t know how deep this went. That had to have bought him some time, at least.

Hah, time. “I wish that when I unfroze time... this time,” he carefully corrected, “that my family would go back to sleep and forget everything about the last like half-hour or so about me, Jessica, or loud noises we made.” The ring on his finger remained even with the obnoxious minutia of his explosion of wishes in what was, for the rest of the world, an instant.

He contemplated what to do about Jessica, and how to have their talk. “I... wish... that my family slept soundly and ignored any noises me or Jessica make for the rest of this night.” They were already in his living room; he saw no reason to change where he questioned her. “Alright... that’s... that covers things, right? There... all without any more pain or humiliation to- oh!” Ernest suddenly recalled Jessica’s current predicament. “I wish she no longer had to sit and was no longer mute.” The earlier wishes were undone... and Ernest posed over his couch, ready to land on it as he pictured time moving again. He would make Jessica comfortable enough for their chat and also keep everything secret... though whether that was a benefit for him or her remained to be seen. He fell backwards, blissfully unaware that wishes were the cause of her present 'discomfort'.