To get Daenerys laid.

"But-"

"I have kept a close eye on Daenerys Targaryen her entire life, you have not." Varys interrupted. "I know her better than most. Our Queen has lived a hard life. A young, beautiful girl being raised by a brother with little care for anything but his own needs. A brother who undoubtedly took liberties with his sister. But even during all that Daenerys was still a timid and kind girl."

Tyrion drained his cup, the whole world had gone mad.

"When our Queen was married to the Dothraki Khal she suffered under him, but she worked to save slaves, she was kind and just. But when he died we both knew what she did. She burnt a woman alive, and joined her in the flames."

"That woman killed her unborn child," Tyrion retorted, but Varys simply rolled his eyes.

"And then she conquered three cities and killed thousands, torturing, and killing hundreds of noblemen."

"Slavemasters who had crucified hundreds of children," Tyrion interrupted.

Varys shook his head. "Don't be naive, old friend, I'm sure some of those **** masters were kind and gentle souls and felt bad for murdering children. But it is what happened next that is important. She welcomed a sellsword into her bed and began working towards peace, offering fair trials and forgiveness. She made smart political choices, forged alliances with her enemies. And when she left that man in Meereen to come here she burnt the Tarlys alive and planned on doing the same to King’s Landing."

"She offered the Tarlys forgiveness, to keep their lands if they pledged fealty to her, and they spat at her feet."

Again Varys shook his head, "Killing those who won't follow her, and refuse to stop fighting her is going too far. I did not help bring her to Westeros with an army of Dothraki, Unsullied, and three dragons just so she could wage wars on her enemies."

Tyrion gulped down the last of his wine, his **** riddled mind finally clueing in on what Varys was saying. He paused for a moment, not sure he even believed what he was about to say.

"And then she met Jon Snow-" Tyrion continued Varys line of thought, "-and instead of burning down King's Landing she tried to make peace of Cersei."

Varys nodded. "And now that Jon Snow is distancing himself from her she is unraveling once again. The pattern is there, it is clear, if we do not do something she will be a danger to herself and the entire world."

"People don't go insane because they haven't had sex, trust me, I know," Tyrion pleaded. "Her oldest friend, Jorah, just died. We just won a war against an army of undead. You can't possibly think this just because she was sad at one feast?"

Varys shook his head. "And dead men don't come back to life. And dragons can't fly from Dragonstone to the Wall in under a day. And you shouldn't care two shit's about your sister who keeps trying to **** you. And yet you do, and yet we are here."

"It's just so ridiculous," Tyrion muttered but the defeat was evident in his voice. A few years ago he would have fought against the idea, he could have figured out a smarter plan, made a stronger rebuttal. His mind had been his sword, but that sword was now rusted and dull and turning to dust. He looked down at the cup in his hand and felt as empty as it.

"Indeed my old friend, and an ugly truth, but an ugly truth is still the truth. There is a pattern in her behavior, Daenerys Targaryen needs to get fucked before she goes insane."

"And what are we supposed to do about that?" Tyrion pondered. It was a queer thought but he had to admit he and everyone around him seemed to be consumed with talking about and making joke about cocks lately.

He shifted slightly in his seat, feeling the blood rush in his cock. Varys clearly wasn’t up the task, but he… he would be more than willing to fuck the sanity back into his Queen. He bit his cheek knowing it would never happen, but still his cock swelled.

"We are going to make it happen, for the realm!"

Tyrion looked up from his thoughts at Varys and wondered what devious plan the eunuch had set in motion.