To clear one's head

The next morning, you rolled over groggily to recognise that Ben was long gone. The bed seemed wide, white and empty without his presence. But you supposed you could not begrudge him the need to go to work… It was that new job of his which had secured all of this… Allowed you to become the workshy, lounge-around housepet you’d always secretly dreamed of being. You knew, in the modern world… the very idea of someone’s ambitions being limited to just looking pretty, tidying up a bit and getting down on one’s knees to take a cock or two whenever it was required… Was one met with confusion at best, and disdain or pity more likely.

Yet, you’d just never seen the point of all the rushing around other people seemed to do. Determined to drive themselves into the ground just to earn a few more dollars for some billionaire in a tower somewhere. Jumping in and out of relationship after relationship trying to find the one that might last long enough to produce a few kids, before slowly devolving into sexless toleration of each other and vicarious hopes that they might make it all worthwhile. It just didn’t seem to change anything. Didn’t advance humanity as a whole in any meaningful way. Scratching and scratching at that itch they called a career, only to get passed by or stepped upon by someone more willing to lie or cheat or steal with a smile. As far as you could see… if you were going to end up getting bent over and fucked anyway, it might as well be of your own choosing.

Your phone was flashing. You had got a text from Trev last night, even as Ben had been driving you down into the bedsheets. You had replied in the sleepless quiet afterwards… trying to distract yourself from the whole ‘Sara’ situation by beaming off some flirtatious nothings into the unknown. Sending winks and hearts to one boy, while the cum of another was still dribbling slowly out of your anus. You really were everything the world might scorn you as. An insatiable, unseemly nymphomaniac who could never amount to anything more than a cumbucket. You wriggled and writhed with the half self-disgust, half horny-delight of it. Kicking off the covers to go take a shower and check your legs were still shaved suitably. The handsome shop clerk had offered to take you for a walk around the park in a bit, and you were pretty sure he still thought you were a born and bred woman. The nervous excitement of wondering when you ought to let him figure out otherwise… served to drag you out of other thoughts and worries of whether your love would be right about Tomi.

A light summer dress and sandals served as today’s arrangement. Just right for an innocent young lady stepping out with a man she’d just met. A small clutch bag came too, with condoms (just in case)… and another daily buttplug (for confidence). You simply could not be without some tools of your not-quite-trade. The air was clear and breezy as you stepped out into the street. It buffeted the thin cotton of your dress, reminding you of all the excitement and pleasure you had gained from the first time you felt brave enough to head out into the world in women's clothing. Until then, clothes had only ever been things to hide behind; bought baggy and second-hand so you barely had to think about what you pulled on each morning. Now you felt prone to skip and twirl with every step, freed from the burden of fear at others' judgement. There really was no comparison. This was simply how you were supposed to look.

You did, however… surreptitiously check the rear hem of your dress more than once, after yesterday's debacle. It wasn’t that you particularly minded random strangers catching glimpses of your underwear… you'd just prefer to be aware it was happening.