They Call It A Family Business For A Reason…

… and that’s because business is meant to be kept within the family.

For all the thought and effort that’s gone into this document, it’s always been constructed upon one key premise: that I am going to get my inheritance back by working the various members of my family.

Once upon a time, this was a pure flight of fancy, an impossibility. To think that I could even talk to one of my kin without getting my teeth kicked in by some bodyguard would have been optimistic. But now, with the Affection Multiplier, I think it might just be doable. If I can get myself in a position where I can talk, socialize, rekindle old relationships, then the Multiplier will grease the way forwards. The problem is that my scores across the board are sufficiently negative that it’s doubtful I’d be able to get past the first encounter. I need to be able to light the spark before I can rekindle it, and that’s what the Plan is for.

I scroll through the document, reminding myself of its contents. You’d love to know what’s in it, wouldn’t you? Don’t worry, I’ll share. It’s just a series of pictures.

The first one is an old advertisement from the seventies, featuring the Eveready Alkaline Power Cell. The gold tube sits against a black blackdrop, lightning cackling across the screen. The words “Our best” sit above it.

The second is a plastic Transformers figurine, one of the expensive ones that let you fold Bumblebee into a sportscar that actually drives. Hollywood ruined many things, but at least it gave the franchise a second breath of life.

The third is a picture of some old Roman mosaic. There’s a black guy, a boxer, wearing nothing but his gloves. In some ways, it’s a bit of an indecent thing, but it’s not like the guy probably had much of a choice in the matter.

The fourth was taken by a wildlife photographer, who captured a King Salmon bursting through the water’s surface, the rapids and spray creating a fine sheen of mist over the lens.

The fifth and final image is a still from the 1976 Oscars. It shows the winners in the Documentary Short category receiving their award.

There are a couple more pictures below, but they aren’t as important as these first five. These five are the crux of my Plan. Confused?

Come on, my plan isn’t actually written out anywhere. That would be stupid; I had to assume that my computer could be compromised at any point in time. No, each image represents a major step or idea in my Plan.

With the Affection Multiplier in the picture though, some changes can be made. I’d always thought that I’d need to make a small fortune of my own before I could chase the larger one. That clearly didn’t happen.

I go online and find a photo of Demi Moore in that horrific Scarlet Letter adaptation. She’s wearing the red “A” for adultery in the picture, and I insert it into the Word Doc. This is going to be my first step instead.

I open my backpack, drop a six-pack of beer into it, grab something from my closet, stuff it into my bag, shut down my laptop, and then head out the door. It’s time to play.