The conductor makes his entrance

"Ayup,” said the conductor, about fifteen minutes later. He was six foot tall, in a smart blue uniform, with piercing blue eyes and a big bushy brown moustache. “That’s a naked female lunatic, all right.”

“MMFFF! MMFFFFF!”

“They do mmfff like that,” said Fiona. “I should know, being an internationally respected female lunatic expert.”

“So you don’t want her thrown off the train any more? I can do it easily, you know.”

“No, no.” Fiona, who was now wearing a black silk dress that didn’t quite seem to fit her perfectly, and which seemed to be curiously ragged about the hemline, smiled and patted Evelyn’s thigh. The raven-haired villainess lay across her lap, bound and gagged with torn strips of black silk. “I’ve rather the idea that I might be able to cure her. But it will take a very particular sort of therapy.”

“What kind did you have in mind?”

“A short, sharp, sudden shock ought to do her a world of good. This unfortunate young lady here suffers from gymnomania, which is a compulsive desire to take off all one’s clothing. Now, what inhibits us from taking off all our clothing in the course of daily life? Shame!”

“With you so far,” nodded the conductor.

“This young lady’s faculty of shame has become temporarily deranged, leading to all manner of ignoble behaviour. We must remind her of the proper emotional response to finding oneself suddenly divested of one’s clothing in public.”

“And how do we do that?”

“First, I propose to parade her the full length of the train, exposing her to all three hundred or so passengers in her current condition.”

“By which you mean her nudity, I take it?”

“Quite so. And then it would do her mental fortitude a world of good if some authority figure or other, perhaps a big strong man, would… well, as a medical professional it behooves me to be blunt. She needs a spanking.”

“Ah,” said the conductor, nodding. “I quite understand. Perhaps in the bar carriage, after dinner, when the passengers have congregated for drinks?”

“Why, you might almost be a doctor yourself! I, of course, am Head Matron in charge of the Tendersex Asylum for Wayward Young Ladies, so naturally I’m experienced in these matters.”

“I believe I may have read about the good work you do in the papers.”

“It’s very possible. And, of course, all the passengers and crew should be encouraged to mock and tease our unlucky madwoman as much as possible, so as to drive home the message that nudity is something to be ashamed of. Of course, she must not be ungagged, or she might say obscene things.”

“We wouldn’t want that.”

“MMFFFF!”

“Ah, yes, there she goes again. Trying to blaspheme against the Lord, no doubt. She’s lucky she ran into me.”