The Naughty Pukwudgie - Part 1

The movie begins with a shot of a road in the state of New Jersey, while we hear the song “Freakin’ you”, by Jungle Brothers.

The camera focuses on one car. Inside, we see a middle-aged couple. In the driver’s seat there’s John (played by Charlie Sheen); next to him is Karen (played by Julie Bowen).

KAREN: -Are you sure this is the way?

JOHN: -For the love of God, Karen… Yes! It is the way!

KAREN: -Okay, okay… No need to get mad. I was just asking…

JOHN: -You were just asking for the twentieth time since we left. Here’s a tip, darling: you see that thing? It’s called a GPS. Somebody went to the trouble of inventing it, so that husbands don’t have to hear their wives constantly ask if they’re on the right way…

They continue in silence for a while, until Karen speaks again.

KAREN: -Why do we always have to argue about everything?

JOHN: -Because you are the most annoying person I know…

KAREN: -You’re not easy either… Why do we even go on vacation, if we can barely talk to each other?

JOHN: -It was you who wanted to spend some days at a campsite. I’d rather be at home…

KAREN: -Oh, sorry for trying to bring some romance into our relationship, John! I see I’m the only one trying, at this point…

JOHN: -Well, maybe we should stop trying. We’ve been together for nearly three decades, our kids are already grown up and living on their own… Maybe it’s time to accept that romance is over.

KAREN: -I can’t believe you just said that -she starts to cry-. I knew that you had lost interest in sex with me, but I thought we’d always be in love.

JOHN: -We do love each other. But love at our age is not like it used to be…

KAREN: -And why not? Remember when we were in college and we went camping together? It was so romantic! We spent most of the time making love in our tent… I thought that, now that the kids don’t live with us anymore, we could recover some of that magic…

JOHN: -That was ages ago, Karen… We are not horny college students anymore… We haven’t been in a very long time…

KAREN: -I know that you don’t find me attractive anymore…

JOHN: -I never said that. You’re very pretty. But people get old, that’s all…

KAREN: -I knew it! It’s all because of the damned menopause! You see me as an old trout now!

JOHN: -Oh, my God, Karen… is that what you think?

KAREN: -You barely touch me anymore, John!

JOHN: -Darling, believe me when I tell you that menopause is the least of my concerns. If anything, I’m glad to know that nobody else is coming out of your pussy. We already had two of those and it’s been hard enough… I wouldn’t start again even if they paid me a million dollars.

KAREN: -But I don’t look as I used to…

JOHN: -Oh honey… Of course we don’t look as good as we did thirty years ago. We all get old. It’s part of life. But you look great, really. You’re still a very sexy woman.

KAREN: -Then why don’t we have sex more often? Before, we had to wait until the kids were sleeping. Now, we have all day for ourselves. But you still don't touch me...

JOHN: -Well, you’re not the only one getting old, okay? When I was in my twenties I was always in the mood. I got boners even watching the WNBA… Now, it’s not like that anymore. I suppose it’s nature’s way of letting us know that the most exciting things we’re gonna do are taking naps and eating hard candy.

KAREN: -But that’s so depressing…

JOHN: -It is… See? We agree on something!