The Forest.

You pull yourself against the rough bark, pressing your forehead against the trees hard enough that splinter are very likely to push through your fur. It’s kinda of funny that the both times you are dealing with too much you come here, the forest where no one really goes to unless they are hiking. Even then most people prefer a treadmill over nature, and the city itself isn’t one of those ‘adventure’ cities. You lungs ache and the fur on your cheeks is matted with tears. You pull away just enough to avoid that and slide down and fall to your knees, a growl rumbling its way out of your throat as you slam your face against the tree you chose. Your skull impacts the tree and the pain of your head ripples through the sheer need to run as far as you can. You eventually manage to exhale a long and slow sigh, your mind restarting as you begin to register what you just did.

You lost control.

And everyone knows.

Your words can’t be snatched back, and now Adolpha will be known for what she did or whatever people think she may have done. In a way, that is a huge weight off your chest. Talking to it with Accalia was wonderful and she was nothing if sympathetic and willing to believe you, but it was still one of the secrets that you both could only share with each other. Then after the relief, a vindictive pleasure surges in you as you imagine some of the disgusted looks she might get for whatever actions she did. You hadn’t been able to be at peace at school because ever since you and Adolpha’s experience in the classroom, you hesitate to relax fully because you expect every corner to have her waiting behind it. You don’t have to be the only one to avoid her like the plague anymore and that would be nice to have some solidarity.

But your actions aren’t good for you either.

You were **** or abused or something that hurt you to a near-panic attack and that changes things about how you are perceived. Anthropomorphic animals and heat cycles aren’t usually considered and everyone always calls you weak if you give in, but you are sick of the fucking hypocrisy that everyone has. You never looked into the exact statistics because you never cared and were too afraid to trigger your panic if you did look into it, but it’s an unspoken truth that most unwanted sexual encounters are usually a result of heat cycles in tandem. It’s just a fact and that you weren’t able to control yourself and she may have been **** in a way she couldn’t rationalize to leave alone since she was in her cycle.

But no one would care about any of that and probably envy you for having done something with a very attractive and pretty girl who had shown definite signs of being into you or pity because you were **** into something you had not wanted that freaked you out to the point of a near breakdown.

Cycles and intentions be damned.

Your heat cycles had synced up with Accalia a moderate number of times which was a good thing because when you two did choose to have sex, it wasn’t your body and hormones, it was a choice based on connection you two forged (except when your cycles did happen to coincide the sex was beyond fantastic when you both stop thinking and just let go). You both wanted to sleep with each other and wake up together, be with each other because you loved each other on a level that wasn’t affected by anything other than your emotions and heart. Sex wasn’t something you both rushed into because it never was your body needing it until it happened, and every time was just natural and just confirming what you felt for each other. It was something so natural that it was as easy yet needed as breathing.

When you realized that Adolpha’s cycle did match up with you, you hadn’t really counted that as a mark against any connection you could form. It wasn’t like you had any really experience with sex on a cycle since your first heat haze that was embarrassing as all hell and you didn’t want that to matter. You had known Adolpha for sometime and you had always had a good relationship and friendly with her, she had been a good friend once upon a time. Her dossier wasn’t something you **** yourself to slog through so your parents would give you less grief over it, you had been honestly interested in reading about people and what your parents compiled about people you had grown up with (even if you only had eyes for one). Then one day realized that she was in love with you and approached your parents, and their agreement encouraged a huge escalation on her part in her pursuit which led to that horrible encounter in the classroom.

Everyone was expected to get married, regardless of emotions or desire. Back when you were a child, you knew about it, looked forward to it actually. It had been something that you wanted to do until you realized who you wanted walking to you on that special day wasn’t ever going to meets your parents expectations or your societal obligations. What did it matter who she was, wasn’t marriage supposed the union of two people who were in love? Where did this medieval bullshit come back from?

You rejected the idea entirely if it wasn’t perfect.

Was that selfish of you?

Possibly.

Did you care if it was?

No.

Because all your life you did your best to try to be better and you just wanted the most important decision of your life to be your choice. For one thing in your life you wanted to be able to do what you wanted.

You flinch as arms wrap around your waist and a chin rests on your shoulder.

“I’m here.” Accalia whispers, “Relax. I still love you.”

You untense and lean back against her with an exhausted sigh, “Well... School’s gonna suck from now on.”

She nuzzles into your neck, “You can take it. Your stronger than you know.”

You let your head fall to rest your cheek on the top of her head, “I love you.”

“I know.” She replies, smile evident in her voice.

You slowly get up and she rises with you, supporting and helping you up. When your upright you turn to face her and kiss her, too lost in just how much you absolutely love this woman to do anything else. She happily kisses back and wraps her arms around your neck and you hold her hips. You both feel the carnal energy of the classroom seeping back in and you gently pull away, both of you disgruntled.

“Later.” She whispers harshly, “You are going to make up for all of the frustration. I won’t accept anything other than a yes.”

“As if I’d ever say no.” You tease.

It’s not going to be fun to be the source of all those looks and attention, but Accalia is right and you won’t let that beat you. You had a horrible experience and it may have broken you, but you built yourself back up stronger for it. This is just another time to prove you can be strong, you won’t fall again.