The Cards Are Revealed

Rhett turns toward the massive screen behind him, where six blank cards spin slowly, the suspense humming through the studio like static. "Week 3’s done and dusted—some of you made moves, some of you made messes. And now we’re heading into Week 4, and you know the drill: six new ladies, fresh from the shadows of the College Spread deck, ready to turn heads or twist knives. Right now, they’re just spinning cards—but not for long.”

“It’s a snake draft, and this week we flip it: oldest to youngest, so yes, the professor gets first crack.”

“And remember—this week wraps the first four-week cycle. When the week ends, the lowest scorer is out. No curve, no mercy. Time to play smart or pack up. Let’s see who’s stepping into the spotlight."

The first of this week’s Ladies comes into view. Rhett takes one look and winces.

"And first out of the deck, we’ve got the Empress of Diamonds—Yvonne Moreau. Age forty, tenured in International Business, and yes, her office has better windows than your future does. Her tagline says ‘Stocks rise when she walks in’, and honestly? So does the blood pressure of anyone with a retirement account. She doesn’t just teach power moves—she is one. Good luck, gentlemen. Try not to get leveraged."

Another card, another lady. Rhett seems less intrigued by this one.

""And this one’s going to fly off the shelf... said no one ever. Say hello to the Two of Diamonds—Colleen Turner, 19, Computer Science, and your best chance at winning an argument about semicolons. Her tagline says ‘I prefer Java—to frat parties.’ Which is adorable, because it implies anyone invited her. Look, maybe she’s not here to dazzle, but she might just help you encrypt your regret."

Another card appears on the stream and it looks like Rhett might even be jealous of anyone who gets to challenge to hold her in their hand.

"Well damn. The Ten of Clubs—Amina Okoye. Twenty years old, built like a Greek statue with a gym membership, and majoring in Sports Medicine, which is a little on the nose considering she is the injury and the cure. The tagline says ‘Catch her if you can’, but let’s be honest—you won’t! You’ll just trip over your own ego and pull something in the process. Ten out of ten, gentlemen—literally. Good luck not embarrassing yourselves."

The fourth card spins onto the tablet before you, bringing a more reserved introduction.

"And now appearing with all the warmth of a surprise exam, it’s the Four of Clubs—Priya Patel. Twenty years old, majoring in Chemistry, and apparently not here to make friends—or facial expressions. Her tagline says ‘Beauty is only skin deep’, which is bold talk from someone ranked a four. Still, she probably mixes a mean solution. Just don’t expect her to react."

The fifth and penultimate Lady of the week appears before you…

"Next we give you the Jennie of Hearts—Isadora Bloom. Twenty-seven years old and a Creative Writing TA by day, literary seductress by candlelight. Her tagline? ‘Grades with red ink, flirts in italics.’ You should take that seriously, players, this Lady has had two successful books published in the Omegaverse genre. You better believe she’ll underline your insecurities and annotate your dreams. She’s that rare breed of academic who’ll critique your syntax while teaching you how little you know about sexual dynamics. She doesn’t just know when you're using a cliché. She knows when you are one."

And then the final card comes into view and you recognize her. Everyone does. She’s already been drawn and the guy that drew her… is no longer in the game.

A susurration of comment ripples through the audience as you stare at the woman Zeke tried to **** two weeks before. Some are wondering who’s brave enough to go after someone who already put a player in hospital, out of college and probably heading to jail. Others, yourself included, wonder how the hell you try to seduce someone who has recently fought of an ****. She has to be completely on edge right now.

It takes Rhett a moment to make his announcement. “So… we’ve already said that if a Lady is returned to the College Spread deck due to a challenge failure, or a player exiting the game, she’s open to be drawn again afterwards. I don’t think any of us expected Dr. Ravensmoor to make another appearance this quickly. I don’t think she needs any introduction, but whoever ends up with her does need all of us to wish him… or her… all the luck and good sense in the world.”

He grins and turns to the screen. A cartoon parody image of Zeke floating above a toilet appears.

“But it does give me the pleasure of showing you this… Anyone who forgets the importance of consent is an absolute shit. Zeke you WERE that shit. Now one of our prior contenders, who now runs his own detective agency, has been helping the police find even more evidence of felonies and misdemeanors that you committed so hopefully for the last time… LET’S FLUSH THAT SHIT!”

The sound of a toilet flushing heralds the image of Zeke screaming in alarm and twisting its way down into the bowl of the toilet. There’s a round of cheers and laughter from the crowd.

“Ok, so we know who the ladies are now,” says Zeke. “It’s time to make your selections. First up… our eldest player and member of the esteemed board, Graham West. Graham, which of the ladies has caught your eye this week?”