Tea with the Cooleys

I feel like I’m writing in this thing more and more. You know why? It’s because more awesome stuff is happening to me every day. I should sell the fucking movie rights at this point.

Case in point, I woke up this morning with Mom’s lips around my morning wood.

She was naked, but she had on full makeup, earrings, and her wedding ring. I guess she got out of bed, started getting ready for the day, and then said to herself:

"Hey, you know what would be a good idea? Waking my son up with a blowjob."

I fucking love this town, and I fucking love that my mom could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

We're supposed to pay a visit to the Cooleys today, so I guess I need to throw some clothes on for the first time in like 18 hours. Jake out.

Alright so first of all, I DIDN'T need to put clothing on. Everyone but friendly 'ol Phil Cooley was naked when we arrived.

That wasn't the only surprise: when Mom was talking about Phil's wife Sandra yesterday, she didn't mention that her new friend is seven months pregnant. Phil isn't the father, of course. That honor goes to Nathan Cooley, who was balls-deep in his mother when we arrived.

He pulled out the moment that Phil welcomed us inside, but they weren't actually STOPPING; just switching from doggy to blowjob. Nathan introduced them both, along with his two sisters.

Now those girls are HOT; if I were Nathan, there's no way I'd be touching Sandra enough to knock her up. I'm ashamed to say that I don't remember either of their names... But I didn't exactly give them much chance to talk.

Nathan noticed me oggling his sisters' naked bodies, and he offered them up without a second thought. So while my parents made awkward small talk with Phil and my sister stared at her phone, me and Nathan were making full use of all three Cooley women.

After a thorough ball-draining, Sandra staggered over to the kitchen to make iced tea. We drank it and just sorta relaxed for a while... I even let one of the sisters off my balls, so that MY sister would have someone to talk to.

The most interesting thing I learned was that Sandra's expecting a boy... Which means that in a few years, Nathan's future son/brother is going to be the new head of the family.

I was floored... I couldn't understand how someone could be so OKAY with giving up all their power, control, autonomy... Nathan said that most guys in Madreput agree with me, and either keep their moms on birth control or only let them have girls. But like his dad, Nathan's a ridiculously chill guy. All he wants is to have his time as master of the house before passing it along to the next generation.

Weird... But respectable, I guess. I left with a new friend, Sis left with two, Mom and Sandra are practically besties, and Dad... Well, I think he'll warm up to Phil with time. Right now he's focused on the fact that the man's getting totally and completely mother-cucked.

Oh shit, that's a good word. "Mothercucker." Yeah, I'm probably gonna be using that a lot.