Skittle truth and melted thoughts

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Last week I was sick. It felt like my face was going to burst. Something with my sinuses or something. Really bad. I'm feeling better now and I'm catching up with two chapters today. This one is for the story, and I'm posting an exclusive chapter as a small apology for all the delays this year. So you can see what I've been producing besides the main storyline.

Now, please enjoy...

Chapter 83

My God, how embarrassing this all is. And why can't I stop acting like a little child? I giggle, chuckle and snicker while there is a great atmosphere around me. Even Sofia, no matter how annoying I find her, comes out of herself and interacts with the boys. And me? I sit shyly on my butt and watch the people around me. What's wrong with me? I don't know myself like that.

The last meeting with Ryan alone was just as fucked up. We tried to talk about a topic we didn't understand. At least Sofia has the same problems as me. But that doesn't help because neither of us can describe what is torturing us so much.

I am strong and confident and walk around freely with my body. I am exactly what men want in a barely legal jailbait. And I'm into it.

And now I act like a virgin at the ball. I don't look men in the eye and I'm afraid that they might not like me.

And Sofia, our cute little princess, is exactly how I want to be. She took the lead with Ryan, talking to him, explaining things for me while I just sat there. Like now. And she even had the balls to say she felt uncomfortable! Uncomfortable because she is so dominant!

Fucking slut! I hate her!

Right?

And now everything's gotten so much more complicated!

Now Finn's here, and everything's different, yet just as bad as it's been the last few days. Sofia and I are completely focused on him. Of course we are. Disgusting. Ryan couldn't help us, he just had a few kind words and helpful suggestions. Talk to each other. Talk to Finn. Confide in him.

But we didn't listen. How could we? At least the princess and I agree on that. I know perfectly well that he can't change anything about our situation. If I don't even understand it myself, how is Finn, a man, supposed to?

And Sofia sees it exactly the same way, or at least similarly, since she's clinging to Ryan while he's having a good time with Finn. I have no idea what she sees in the other boy. She's just so weak. And boys are just boys. They don't understand what it does to a girl's delicate mind when she's scared and insecure. They don't know…

I shake my head angrily. That's not me! I don't think like that! This is weak and disgusting and…

“Sage? Sage!” The hand on my shoulder makes me flinch. How weak. Phatetic!

And then I feel a rush of warmth when I see that it’s Finn who’s touching me.

Oh my God…

“What?” I ask, but I’m too weak to sound angry. Finn is holding a red Skittle. Truth. And he’s chosen me.

I feel dizzy at the thought of confiding in him.

Sofia Wilkins and Sage DeSanto +2 (PS-40)

Maybe he can help us, I think, but dismiss the thought. Across from me, right in my line of sight, Sofia stirs slightly as Finn’s hand touches my shoulder. She looks at him almost hopefully, but at the same moment, she seems to realize that no help can come from Finn.

Right?

“I want a truth,” he says with an almost gentle smile and doesn’t wait for my reaction.

He's so dominant…

“Biggest ick in a potential boyfriend?” And he smiles. He smiles like he knows something I don't… I just stare blankly at him. And he squeezes my shoulder reassuringly. “We want to get to know you better.”

“I…” I think, panicking. It's such a terribly wonderful feeling to relinquish control. But that's not me! I can't be like that! And Finn is looking at me in a way I've never experienced before. This isn't a normal buddy spending a nice evening with his friend.

That's something deeper.

Fuck…

“Just say whatever comes to mind first,” he tells me with that gentle smile that doesn't just promise the world, but guarantees. “We're here to support you.” I straighten my back. Maybe I can trust him after all? Maybe he's different from the others? My mother's men.

“My biggest ick is when he cares too much!”

Fuck! No! This isn't how it should turn out!

Sofia flinches slightly at my harsh words and rude tone. Years of training have taken over, suppressing my soft, confident side and using the safe, tough exterior I always use to protect myself when someone gets too close.

It's better this way. Better to disappoint him before he disappoints me. That way I stay in control and…

But Finn doesn't flinch. He doesn't look downcast or angry either. He's smiling. And he's waiting.

He's waiting for me to finish. And it's me who flinches. Because there's something else…

"Because whenever he does…"

What are you doing? Stop right now! You can't confide in him! It didn't work out with Ryan! It didn't work out with Sofia! It won't work out with him!

"I dismiss him."

No! Fuck no!

Now I'm overcome with real panic. Not from the outside. There, I look down at my feet, dejected, and pull my legs up to my chest. Inside, I feel completely cold. Now it's happening. I've confided in someone and…

"You won't disappoint me, Sage," Finn says, and I jerk my head up so fast that everyone can see how shocked I am by his answer.

Do I trust him? I don't know.

But still, I approach him, almost instinctively, unprompted.

And he accepts me.

And he doesn't disappoint me.

“We don’t know you that well, Sage,” Ryan says quietly, less pointedly than Finn. He stays in the background, looking proudly at his best friend, while Sofia wears a look I’ve never seen before.

“But we want to change that,” Finn continues. “It’s okay that you don’t trust us yet, for real. We’re waiting for you. And when you’re ready, we’ll be here.”

“And get to know you better. As a friend.”

Ryan Shaft. +2 (PS-36)

I’m glad Ryan said the last sentence and not Finn. Now I can stick my tongue out at him cheekily and flash an embarrassingly red, but hopefully somewhat confident, smile. I would have failed miserably with Finn.

“For that, you’ll have to invest a few more Skittles,” I say cheekily, way too cheekily. But the guys grin as if they’ve won something. “Yeah. My biggest ick is when someone depends on me.” Then I shake off the strangely warm feeling that washes over me whenever I look at Finn and grab the Skittles bag way too hard.

"Finn," I say even before I've seen the color. "Truth."

"Aren't you going to show us the color?" Sofia says quietly, but Ryan puts a hand on her shoulder.

"Let her do it," he says. "Otherwise, she'll rip our heads off." And Sofia nods.

Ryan Shaft. +1 (PS -35)

"Okay, Finn. Truth. What's…" The worst thing that's ever happened to you?

I almost said it. I almost screwed up big time.

Why? Because I want to protect myself. Up until now, every man in my life, every dum fuck my mother brought home to poison us, has been a danger to me.

No problem asking him something brutal. Besides...

"What's your greatest wish?"

I want to see him smile.

“Easy,” he says, and I fall back with relief. No one noticed what was going through my mind, and as he takes a breath to answer, his eyes lock onto me. “My biggest wish is for Christmas to come soon.”

“What?” Sofia asks, bewildered, and giggles. “Because then you get presents?”

“That’s still a while away,” Ryan grins, looking out at the warm New York summer night. But Finn shakes his head.

“Christmas has always been a lonely time for me,” he confesses, and I look at Ryan. He nods understandingly, so I can believe him. If Ryan says something about Finn, I believe him.

Ryan Shaft. +3 (PS -32)

“But not anymore. I have… a girlfriend.” Ryan tilts his head slightly, and I focus even more on his friend. On his smile as he thinks about the girl he loves. And I ignore the knot in my stomach. “Now my biggest wish is for my girlfriend to come with me when I celebrate Christmas with my family, you know? All the stress, the noise, the hustle and bustle, the political infighting, the mudslinging. Men who can't control their anger, women who set the world on fire so their family can appear peaceful. Siblings who poison each other to be the best. Now… with my girlfriend… Is it all easier, you know?” He smiles. Vulnerably.

And I get butterflies in my stomach.

“Now I'm looking forward to all that crap. Because she's by my side. And in the evening, we'll lie together on the couch, arm in arm, me with a Coke, her with a glass of wine.” His voice becomes dreamy. “We don't talk, we watch TV, some crap. Or a movie I really like. But we don't talk. We feel each other and make peace.” Then he clears his throat and scratches the back of his head uncomfortably. And I clear my throat, fascinated by this young man in front of me. My cheeks are warm and my stomach feels like I've just had a warm, proper meal, not the cold microwave food Mom always makes me.

Does he have a shitty family too? Could…

Could we maybe confide in each other and… help each other?

"That's a nice wish," Sofia says, her voice husky. It seems like she's struggling not to speak. I don't know why.

"It would have been better if you'd said it in time for Christmas, right?" Ryan grins and Finn shrugs.

"There's always next year." But Ryan isn't finished yet, and out of the corner of my eye, I see him glance at me briefly before he speaks.

"And your wish only mentions one girlfriend?"

"What?" I ask, far too excited.

"What?" Sofia asks, far too excited.

Ryan Shaft. +8 (PS -24)

But Finn just grins and shrugs. Then he looks at me too, longer than Ryan, more intensely. And I have to look away to keep from blushing.

More than one girlfriend?

"For that, as Sage so nicely puts it, you'll need more Skittles." But Ryan just shrugs. And digs into the shell.

"Finn," he says, just like I do, and his buddy rolls his eyes.

"So what?" he moans, but you can tell he's not serious. "Do you want my social security number?"

"Dare," Ryan says instead, showing him the Skittle. "Call your crush and confess to her."

My heart skips a beat, and Sofia shifts uncomfortably on her beanbag. My lips go completely dry as I think about him calling the girl he loves. I know about Lisa and that they finally got together. Sofia told me about it when we were both trying not to kill ourselves in Ryan's presence.

Good for him, I think, gritting my teeth. They're a good match. Weak girl and egocentric boy. Not for me.

But my thoughts sound hollow, and I'm surprisingly sorry, far too easily, torn from my pessimistic outlook. Sofia seems to feel the same way, but she's pressing her lips together even more angrily than I am.

"Who says it's not a boy?" But Ryan isn't falling for the distraction and nudges Finn in the shoulder.

"Call her," he says calmly and looks at me.

And Finn pulls out his phone. It vibrates constantly this evening, but he ignores it. He's a man in demand, after all. Then I can't think about the strangely bulky thing in his hand anymore as he types in the numbers.

The smile that spreads across his lips makes me sick. Me. Sage should be the one angry that Finn is calling Lisa. Not me. I'm a nice girl, well-mannered, polite, and…

And it hurts me to see him like this. In love. With Lisa.

Where do these destructive thoughts come from, Sofia? But I can't answer myself. It's maddening. I don't want to be here. With him.

Okay, Ryan is a good friend. And I don't know what drives me to seek his company. I really don't.

For the past few days, I've felt drawn to him. It scares me. Luckily, I'm grounded enough to realize it's just a fling. A nice, handsome, polite young man should be exactly what the Lord intended for my life…

But my thoughts are more focused on Sage, that little whore, and…

And those thoughts scare me too. That's why I seek out Ryan and Finn. They're stable. They're peaceful. Not like Sage with her anger, her lust, her jealousy, and… But I'm committing this sin too, and it hurts. I watch as Finn pulls out his phone, enters the numbers, and waits.

"She won't even pick up," he admits, staring intently at Sage. "She's working." Is Lisa working? I wonder if I've missed something, but dismiss the thought when I see how small Sage shrinks as Finn stares at her.

This fucking little shit, I scream inwardly. She's putting on an act for him so he'll react well to her. Meanwhile, I'm the one who needs his help more than anyone else, and... Fuck him! He doesn't even pay attention to me!

Instinctively, I scoot a little closer to Ryan. Ryan is strong. A rock in a storm. He's there for me while Finn hangs on that linen-clad bitch's every word, believing every word she says. Even though I'm the one who uses that language correctly.

Even though I'm the one who needs his help more than anyone else.

I scoot even closer to Ryan.

For the past few days, I've been drawn to him…

Because Finn is ignoring me.

But I'm a nice girl. Two men… That's a sin. Yes, they're both kind and sensitive. Two rocks in a storm.

But only one is the one I want near me.

And only one is the one who makes time for me.

The Bible didn't prepare me for any of this. Is this love? Or lust? What's the difference? What's the point of thinking such terrible things, yet appearing so innocent on the outside? I was always such a nice girl. What am I now? Dark thoughts and warm actions. Completely the opposite of Sage. That whore needs warmth and security while treating everyone around her like fucking shit.

Is this my test? Should I choose between Ryan and Finn?

Ryan. He's there for me when I need help.

Finn. He's the one I'm developing feelings for.

And he's calling Lisa.

I don't want to sin.

But his smile is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

No, I decide. I can't give in to temptation. Not like Sage does. I have to control my desire for a taken man and stick with Ryan. Good, just, and patient, he possesses so many virtues. I have to prove myself to him, and maybe the Lord will grant me the honor of Ryan reciprocating my feelings and…

"Hey, babe." But my thoughts shoot back to Finn, and I suffer the most beautiful **** the Lord can give. I rejoice in seeing how in love and happy he is while he talks to Lisa, while my own heart breaks at the thought. "Do you have a minute? Cool. I'm with my friends right now. We're playing truth or dare and... No, Lisa isn't here."

"What the..." But I can't quite manage to cover my mouth with my hand.

"What the fuck!" Sage isn't as disciplined as I am. And Ryan isn't suppressing his laughter either, while Finn, his cheeks slightly ruffled, waves his free arm to try and silence us.

"These are Ryan, Sage, and Sofia... Yeah... thanks... But listen..." His grin widens. "Can I please say something now, or are you going to keep **** me?"

My giggle echoes through the room... And his eyes turn to me.

It's not Lisa he's talking to! I don't know who he's talking to! But it's not Lisa! Is he cheating on her? Is their relationship over?

And why do I feel so bad about it… and good at the same time?

“Thanks,” he groans with mock impatience.

“Turn it up!” Ryan suddenly shouts.

“Yes!” Sage shrieks, startling me. “Turn it up!” she sounds almost ****.

And I… I’m starting to get scared.

For days now, I’ve been plagued by these mood swings. It’s wearing me down. I’m scared. Then I want help from Ryan… and Sage is there. She feels exactly the same way I do, but maybe just the other way around. And she’s taking my friends away from me. Ryan and Finn. Ryan, who’s so good to me. And Finn, who… Finn, who would never hurt Lisa. Finn, whom I know is a good person.

Finn, looking at me, phone in hand, waiting for my permission.

I nod.

“Hey guys!”

The MCD also has a camera function. Better than just putting Bella on loud. Now everyone can see my girlfriend waving cheerfully. "What's up?" Her voice is barely audible over the clanging and clattering of pots and pans in the white-tiled kitchen, which, in the background, is suffocating in hectic chaos against Bella's beautiful, smiling face. "You caught me at the most important time of day, babe," she explains, perhaps a little unnecessarily. "We're closing."

"It's okay," I say kindly, making my soon-to-be cow girlfriend giggle when she sees my dreamy look. Bella is just the whole package. I'm genuinely proud of how she's managing her life, and I don't mind that she's brief. "I just wanted to talk to you for a minute."

"I can talk longer," she says, and the camera image wobbles slightly as she places it on a surface. I and the others present can see into the kitchen of the family restaurant where Bella works as she leans over the sink in her green shirt. "I like to make time for my soon-to-be boyfriend."

"What?" I ask, aghast. "Soon to be? Well..." At least she's right.

"Hey. We were just on a date." Her voice trails off at the thought of how far we've already gone. "Well..." And Bella doesn't seem to be the only one reconsidering her relationship with me. I glance to the side and notice Sage and Sofia's blank stares as they stare, bewildered, at the MCD. They, just like Ryan and I, see Bella lean forward, deep into the large, metal sink, and present her ample cleavage to us. "Soon to be doesn't sound so bad." Then she winks at me. "Depends on how our second date goes."

"That's why I'm getting you," I say. "Well, among other reasons." And it's not difficult at all for me to confess my feelings to Bella. Under the watchful eyes of Sofia and Sage, I confide in the girlfriend everyone thought was Lisa. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. I can't wait to see you again."

"Ooooh, honey," she coos, adjusting her glasses with the back of her hand, her breasts jiggling slightly as she washes a plate. "Me too."

"I like you really much, you know. And I want to speed things up with you."

"Even more than in the park?" she says with a grin, leaning conspiratorially towards her hand. She must know I'm not alone. She saw the others on my phone. She simply enjoys teasing me. "If we speed things up any more, we won't even make it out of the kitchen tomorrow."

"Would that be so bad?" This is a game two can play, and it seems Bella and I aren't the only ones enjoying it.

"Oh hey guys," Bella says directly to the two girls who have moved so close to me that their cheeks are almost pressed against mine. "You're having fun?" Bella's laughter rings out brightly even through the MCD, leaving the other girls speechless.

"Bella, you lazy slut!" a voice suddenly booms from behind her. It seems Heather overheard who her sister was talking to. "Stop chatting with your pimp and help your family."

"Fuck off, you whore!" Bella sounds annoyed, but I can't help grinning while Sofia, and even Sage, squeal loudly.

"Language, you two!" That must be her mother.

"Sorry, Mom! Listen, honey," Bella says to me again. "I have to go now. I'm looking forward to tomorrow. See you, okay? And say hi to Lisa and Rose for me." I nod as she winks at me in a way that can only mean one thing.

"See you." Then I end the call. "So?" I ask the gathered people. "Was that enough?"

So he has, like what? Two girlfriends? Or is Bella his slut and Lisa his side chick? I'm confused, and it looks like Sofia is too. Only Ryan is grinning like a thief, looking proud.

Does Finn have two girlfriends? Isn't that weird?

No. It has to be true. We know about Lisa, and Bella didn't act like she didn't know.

Finn has two girlfriends!

And… And why am I so happy about this?

Three things happen almost simultaneously.

First, Sofia giggles as if she's received some very good news. A fidgety, sweet giggle. She presses her knees together and covers her lips with her hands.

Then she clears her throat and tries to look serious. I understand the confused look on her face and even feel a little attracted to her. Apparently, this is a very strange situation for both of us, and not just since today. Ever since meeting Ryan, we've been out of sorts. Ever since we've been trying to figure out why we're going through such a crazy time. Since Finn came into our lives… And now I know that he's obviously, I just have to believe it, open to relationships with multiple women?

That's a sin!

That's the third thing that's happened, and it scares me more than anything else.

Because it's not my own thoughts I'm hearing.

I'm hearing them in the annoying, sweet, jittery, relieved, scared, and so, so confused voice of…

And I don't fucking care!

Wait…

What the fuck is happening here? Why am I happy that Finn is living such a blasphemous life? Why am I constantly swearing? And why…

That means I can fuck him too!

What?

I freeze. In the middle of my hysterical giggle fit, which scares me and at the same time makes me feel like I have a chance at happiness, I tense up. And look at Sage.

Her eyes are fixed on Finn. He's talking to Ryan, explaining something about Lisa and his sister… No. His sisters. Plural. And his mother!

And his mother? What does he mean by saying he's the master of the house? It sounds so…

Yes. It's Sage's voice I hear in my head.

My God, I'm possessed! I'm possessed by the devil and…

And I only know one way out. I lean forward. He's very close to me. I can easily place my hand on his arm.

"Finn."

I lunge forward before my rival can even place her hand on Finn's arm.

He can help me, I hear Sofia's voice in my head.

"Hey Finn!" He looks at me, startled, as I lunge at him and slide to his side to distract him from Sofia. But no. It's not a distraction. It's a confession. "I need your help with something."

Sofia Wilkins and Sage DeSanto +14 (PS -26)

His smile seems like he understands me. Like he's inside my head. I want him inside my head. I don't care if he doesn't desire me. I'm just glad to have him with me in this scary situation.

These gentle thoughts frighten me, and I press myself tightly against Finn.

Screw it if he's sleeping with multiple women. I want him inside me. Fuck, why am I thinking such disgusting things?

And I hear them in my head as Sofia snuggles up to his other side.

"Whoa," Finn goes, while Ryan laughs, almost triumphantly, maybe even a little sympathetically, as Finn is surrounded by two girls.

"But first, I want to ask you something," Sofia says with an urgency in her voice that's completely out of character for her. Finn's head turns toward her, and my heart aches as he gives her his attention. While I cling to his arm, she strokes his other arm with her fingers. She's so demanding, so energetic. Almost like me.

She's so reserved and shy, I hear in my head. Almost like me.

Together we look at each other as we rub against Finn like horny kittens. It's a brief glance, almost fleeting in a moment of clarity. It passes so quickly, almost unnoticed. But when we break our gaze and look up at Finn, who sits between us like a fucking king, he smiles down at us as if he were the Lord himself.

It's blasphemy for Sage to think of the Lord like that. And it's improper for Sofia to use such words. We're both not ourselves. We're both confused. We're both scared. We both want to be with Finn. We both want his help.

We both want to have sex with him.

We look at each other. We understand.

We are… us. We are… both.

We are in our own heads.

We are… One.

Message from the author:

And with that, we've created the beginning of Sage and Sofia's journey. The first time they realize how their thoughts are merging into a single being.

The poll is clear, so there will be another chapter where I escalate the situation a bit... and then will cool it down. I think it's a sensible idea for the two girls to move on to Bella and Heather. I've already found a great transition that will eventually bring Sage and Sofia to Finn and close to him. Otherwise, I'm curious. What do you think of the feeling I'm trying to create for them? Does it clearly convey what's going on in their heads? I intentionally want to make it a bit more chaotic so that Finn can bring calm in the end, but I don't want to go too far. Ultimately, it's important to me to create something with them that hasn't been done very often on CHYOA. I hope I succeed.

And the other poll...

Well... That looks like us, doesn't it? I think I'll have to make my voice heard and try to unite both worlds as best I can. Feel free to tell me what you think about my decision and give me your feedback.

Ryan will become bisexual. That was my personal vision and gives me more options. However, he'll be more attracted to men than to women, though not completely averse to them. So, more like gay with curiosity about chicks. That also fits with the plans I have for him.

I can already say that Ryan can't take any of Finn's girls away. He's his wingman, there for Finn to hand him more women, not less. He (and I) can do it better if he has the possibility to flirt with girls, maybe "sacrifying" himself with some ugly ones. And at the same time he is a safe option because he can hand the chick to Finn right away. As for his physical contact with Finn's girlfriends, we'll deal with that later. I'd like to have a threesome with him and Finn, but I don't know a girl for it yet. Maybe you can help me with that. My first thought is sex in different rooms with different girls. That could work. Both of them hearing the other trough the wall and Ryan spurst on Finn's girl to fuck him harder. I'd like to write a threesome with him, Finn and a main girl, but I don't know a girl for it yet.

As for the near future, the next chapter will be used to give Sage and Sofia their last touch before they enter Finn's world. Ryan will reveal his secret, and I'll use the rest of the chapter to perhaps set up one or two more things for the story's progression. Then we'll move on to Bella and her date (with Heather present).