Send the letter to spam

Nope, mr. Kinky Scammer, you aren’t that scary! And if you want to punish the bad girl - try to find her first! You hit the “Send to spam” button, and the strange letter sinks somewhere in the digital depths of mail servers.

Okay, done with that. Now.. What were you going to do? Ah yes, the gift to yourself.

You walk a bit down the street, and here it is - the sex shop. The shopwindow is as festive as the rest of the city. But some of these decorations... hey, aren't they sex-toys? Smart move! And the shopwindow mannequins, usually dressed as maids or schoolgirls, now greet the holidays being dressed in some kind of elves’ costumes.

By the way, how would Kinky Claus’s elves look? Ah, nevermind. You’ve got plenty of things to do instead of thinking about that scammer.

You push the door of the sex-shop, and it opens with a melodic dingling, letting you in. Yeah, that’s the kind of shop you love!

You look around, nearly losing yourself in dozens of different things that could… well… make you feel very good. Various kinky costumes, giant dildos, vibrators, satisfiers, magic wands, and of course, the best of BDSM devices…

But even with all these sex wonders, the most adorable part of the shop is the salesgirl, who immediately approaches you. She does look like an elf. And not a kinky one… okay, maybe a bit.

The blonde girl is wearing a silly hat and a green dress, thankfully not long enough to hide her gorgeous legs. And these legs look even better in her heels and red-and-white striped stockings. They remind you of that lollipop you wanted to buy here… but you’d better lick these legs instead.

“Can I help you?” - the girl asks with a friendly smile, and you see a badge on her chest: “Lisa”.

Well, Lisa, there are several ways you could help me…

Hey, stop those thoughts! Working in the sex-shop, she must have heard every possible pickup line in the world, and some of them surely were better than yours. But anyways, she’ll hardly be happy to be hit on by some pervy girl like you. So be polite and just decline her offer:

“No, thanks, I know what I need”.

“Nmph, phnks…” Ah shit, you forgot about your gag again. That happens sometimes, especially when you see such beauty as Lisa. And now you even drooled the floor of her sex-shop. How embarrassing!

But Lisa doesn’t seem to mind that. She gives you another friendly smile: “Well, if you need anything, just tell me…” - a quick glance on your gagged lips - “Or… moan, that sounds even more pleasant to me”.

Wow, she’s nice. And humorous. But again, it must be just her professional attitude. So don’t let it make you think that you have some chance on her. So you just nod politely and head to the shelf full of different phallic joys.

You’ve seen enough dicks in your life… but these dildos are different. They come in many sizes, colors and forms. Some of them surely aren’t human - you even see something called a “unicorn dildo”, and this beast surely has an impressive, ehm, horn.

There are also replicas of comic superheroes’ dicks. Well, you’d love to be a damsel in distress, saved and fucked by a superhero. And while you haven’t met any superhero yet, you might just buy the best part of his body…

Wow, and these ones don’t even look like dicks. But as Freud would say, if its length is bigger than its width, then it is obviously phallic, and you are obviously a pervert thinking about it.

Okay, these dildos got you a bit carried away...