Sadie has an awkward date with Louis

Once I’m again dried out of tears, I make myself get into the shower and make myself presentable for streaming. I have to mentally berate myself, acknowledging that if I ignore my social media and streaming, I’m letting the memory of Todd ruin everything I’ve been working toward. I take my time sitting at my vanity and really put effort into my makeup. Once I feel like a true representation of Princess BabyDoll, at least on the outside, I plan out some social media posts and have them auto post through the day. I then jump into a game stream.

As I won’t be having my normal Friday Night Date Night stream, I make sure my social media directs my audience in for an early edition of it with me playing Dream Sugar Daddy II. While the action in the game is problematic for me to watch, it’s a bit relaxing as I let the audience make the choices and can keep myself separate from it that way. I’m not choosing what to wear on a date, they are. I’m not choosing how to talk to my digital boyfriend, they are. I’m not choosing to let his hand stay on my bare thigh and keep kissing him, they are. But while I can go through the motions, I know that too much talking will just lead me down that road and bring back the water works. The very last thing I need my audience to see.

So, instead I just focus on the game, interacting with the audience as little as possible. We’ve been playing this game long enough that I don’t need to prompt them for what they want me to do at any decision point. Instead, the chat is filled up with their votes.

When the ‘Date Night’ is done I blow my audience a less than heartfelt kiss and say ““Au revoir mes amours!” to the camera.

Once I’m logged off, I go through the motions to archive my stream and get it posted to my other media. When I’m done, I glance down for the first time at the tips area and see that even though I wasn’t teasing or playing with my audience nearly as much today, even though it was in the afternoon as opposed to the evening, and even though the audience size was a little less than half of my normal audience, the money earned was roughly the same for a ‘Date Night’ stream.

I **** myself to eat a lunch consisting of another turkey sandwich and potato chips and consider calling Louis to cancel our date. I’d feel terrible doing so as I know he was really looking forward to it. To be honest, I was really looking forward to it until my run in with Todd. But now, I wonder if I’ll be able to relax at all with Louis. He’ll certainly be more hands on than even Marley was. He’ll expect me to return his affections. What happens if I stiffen up and can’t get my mind away from that horrible experience while trying to be intimate with Louis?

After lunch I clean up and get back to gaming online. I pin a comment that I’m practicing a new game and need to focus on it, hopefully keeping my audience less suspicious as to why I’m not interacting as much. What I’m really doing though is thinking over what a date with Louis might be and how I might get through it. Several hours later, my audience growing huge despite me barely talking, I decide on going on with the date. I need to push past this and know that I won’t be able to do it alone. I might not tell Louis or Marley or Sarah about what happened, but I can still try to interact with them and let their kindness seep in.

After the stream I go through my closet and pick out an outfit. My initial thought is to get something that will keep Louis from wanting to touch me, but I realize unless I find a skirt and top made of barbed wire, that’s probably not going to happen. I finally settle on a maxi dress that Sarah and I had picked out for a special occasion. It of course was a pastel pink and hugged my curves, but its strapless top left my shoulders and arms bare, and it had two overlapping skirts. The first was mini, coming just below my hips and would be practically scandalous, but it was topped by a flimsy see-through skirt that flowed nearly to the floor. It had a slit on the left side that came all the way up to my waist, but when combined it would look nice, and elegant with a hint of sexiness.

I add a pair of strappy open toed sandal heels that show off my pink toenails and add matching ankle and wrist bracelets along with a silver necklace with some gaming charms on it that nestles nicely between my breasts and will be sure to bring more attention there. It takes me a while to get my make the right combination of gamery, sexy, and contemporary but the real struggle is my hair. I want Louis to know I’m going out with him and not just as an exercise in streaming. I don’t want ‘Princess BabyDoll’ intruding, so I absolutely don’t want single or twin ponytails. After playing around and even looking online for inspiration I finally settle on a soft glam look with loose, tousled waves. It feels like it takes forever but using Sarah’s curling wand with a bigger barrel gets me the look I’m going for. In all honesty it’s probably too glamorous for a date but being that my hair is still a vibrant unnatural shade of pink, that brings the fun back into the style.

Just as I put all my accessories into a little clutch purse, I hear Louis’ rumbly Corvette pull up into the driveway. I add a spritz of Sarah’s elegant perfume on each wrist and right in the cleavage of my breasts, take a deep breath to calm my nerves, **** a smile on, and head out to meet him. My smile immediately relaxes when I see Louis and how he’s dressed. He’s wearing a button up shirt that looks like it’s form fitting. It’s open at the collar, but he’s classed it up with a stylish sports coat and slacks. I can even see he ‘accessorized’ by wearing a nice watch.

My hopes of this turning into a normal night are immediately dashed as soon as Louis brings me in for a hug and leans down to kiss me. I feel my body involuntarily tense up and pure instinct makes me turn my face so that he ends up pecking my cheek instead of giving me a cute kiss on the lips.

I can tell that Louis noticed my reaction but he’s a perfect gentleman and doesn’t mention anything. We chat idly in the car as he drives us to the museum. As long as I’ve been a student here, I’ve never been to the museum of art. It’s not nearly as big and encompassing as ones in the big cities are, but being in a major college town it also has a very modern feel to it.

I’m thankful that it’s quiet and hushed in the halls of the museum as it naturally has Louis and I remain hushed ourselves, tamping down on conversation. There are ten galleries in total with art ranging from paintings of the renaissance masters to modern art and photography. One of the special exhibits was titled ‘Transgendered portrayed in art’ and I felt my heart beat a little harder in my chest as we walked through. There was art, photographs, and even sculptures showing trans men and women in various stages of their transition. Louis surprised me when he leaned in and whispered, “I know it’s art, but this seems like it goes too far. I mean, trans women going through their transition never come out looking as beautiful as this art says. Seriously, like nobody born a man could end up looking as beautiful as you!”

I know he was trying to pay me a compliment, but between what happened with Todd and my body inspection yesterday I feel my anxiety start to peak again. Louis can’t even imagine me being born a man. He probably sees me just like Todd does, as a woman to use.

I close my eyes and give Louis’ hand a squeeze, forcing myself to take a deep breath and think this through instead of just mentally lashing out. It’s not fair to put Louis in the same thought as Todd. Louis hasn’t ever given me any hesitation in thinking he’d **** himself on me, let alone **** me. Louis is kind and loving and appreciative. Todd is mean and hateful and ungrateful.

As if hearing my thoughts, Louis leans in again for a kiss. Still feeling out of sorts, I repeat my action from before and offer him my cheek to kiss instead of my plump painted lips. Maybe if it wasn’t so quiet I wouldn’t have heard, but it is quiet so I can hear Louis’ frustrated sigh. He doesn’t look upset or say anything, but he clearly isn’t happy not being allowed to kiss me properly.

After the museum Louis drives us over to the local steak house, Grill ‘Em All. We have a nice dinner but I just can’t relax. There’s absolutely nothing that Louis is doing to make me uncomfortable, but every fear and delusion I had months ago about being seen as a woman are back in spades. I’m more conscious of my smooth skin, the cosmetics on my face, the hair on my shoulders, neck, and back, my breasts swinging and swaying in front of me, the soft lilting voice coming from my mouth, and the tight-fitting dress that’s flashing my left leg to everybody who looks over at us.

I keep fearing that someone is going to notice that I’m a guy dressed up as a girl.

I keep fearing that someone is going to call me out for being a whore and demand sex.

I can’t even enjoy the crème brûlée that Louis orders for us to share. When we’re finished and we get in Louis’ car I make sure to take his hand, give it a squeeze, and say quietly “Thanks for the lovely night Louis. I should get home though.”

Louis gives me no physical sign of disappointment. In fact, he simply smiles and brings my hand up to his lips so he can kiss the back of it. But I can tell he wanted more. I’m positive he was expecting another night out at the scenic overlook and probably now just sees me as a tease looking for a free evening.

When he pulls into the driveway, he pulls my hand up for another kiss, but doesn’t immediately let go of my hand. Instead, he turns off the car and turns toward me. “Sadie, I’m not sure what’s going on. I mean, I’m assuming you don’t want to talk about it, but you’re so tense and nervous and I just need to say that I’d never push you or **** you into something that makes you uncomfortable. I just want to make you feel happy and good and loved. Because I love you, Sadie.”

My lower lip actually quivers as emotions wash over me one after another. The biggest one of course is realizing just what Louis said. He loves me. Turning away from him for a moment, I wipe the emotional tears from my eyes before they can ruin my makeup then turn back with a smile. I still feel my whole body refusing to comply or go along with what I want to do, but I **** it in, leaning toward Louis for a soft kiss on the lips. I let it linger for several moments until I see his hand coming up. Whether he was directing it toward my cheek, my shoulder, or my breast, I still feel that it’s too much and pull back from the kiss.

“Thank you Louis. I…” my throat actually closes up and I don’t know if I could actually say I love him. I at least **** something out though, “I appreciate that.”

Louis smiles, puts my hand in both of his and gives it a strong warm squeeze. “If you need someone to talk to, no matter what the problem is, I hope you know I’m always here for you. Just say the word and we can be on the phone, we can face time, we can meet in person, all at any hour of the day. And if you can’t talk to me, maybe talk to your roommate. She seems nice and wouldn’t hurt you. And if you don’t want to talk and just want someone to be around, I can do that too.”

My throat is now remaining closed off and all I can do is nod and mouth ‘thank you’ before pulling my hand free and exiting the car.

Louis waits until I’ve unlocked the house door before he starts up his car and I’m inside as he pulls into the street. I probably should have expected it, but it still startles me when Sarah calls out excitedly, asking how my date went. I take just a moment to kick myself into gear and **** an over-the-top smile on my face. Telling Sarah the truth would mean telling her I was on edge all night. Would mean telling her why I was on edge on all night. Instead, I act like a web cam is right in front of me and I talk to Sarah excitedly, going over the date as if it were a spectacular success and embellishing any points that would seem otherwise strained.

But just as I know Sarah well enough to know when she’s BSing me, she evidently knows I’m BSing her. She asks me in several different ways what really happened, but I circle around and just talk about the ‘fake’ date I explained at first. Finally, she seems to accept that I’m not going to talk about it, and recognizes that I’m not in a good place emotionally.

Her voice, as she walks towards her room and leaves me alone, is quiet and concerned, “Okay Sadie, whatever you say. I was planning on a sexy night of sex in my bed, but I can see that you’re not up for something like that. I’ll give you a night off and just remind you that I’m here to help. But I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on.”