Receive data on Despedida's role in the murders

Your secret pass phrase once again allowed you access into the highly sensitive report prepared by Telegram. Last time, the thing had read with a tone of fun and adventure. You expected to see that they'd sobered up this time around, since this was their last investigation assignment as part of the task ****-- and a very dangerous intel collection at that. Instead, the person's words read as though they'd been having the time of their life and were only upset that they couldn't research the Goodbye Girls any further. You thought to yourself: if this whole job was so fun, maybe this Telegram member should be the handler from now on?

Of course, those sarcastic, bemused remarks would only last you so long... Once you got into the report and read into the discoveries, it was clear to you that all time for fun and games had nearly run out. {if Despedida's Role> 1999}

Despedida had tried to throw you off of a trail earlier... This seemed like a continuation of that effort.{endif}

-FOR YOUR EYES ONLY-

Digging around on Despedida's no joke, my friend. You really picked one doozy of an assignment for me. If all I needed to report back was that the person was suspicious, that'd be easy; after all, her history's so far redacted, it's like she was never born, or at least not before she became a Goodbye Girl. Any thread you tug is tied to a trap behind a door, in a manner of speaking. What I mean is: there were a lot of traps waiting for me that were every bit as intense as the kind of physical threat I'd face from the other girls. So if you were trying to look out for me by giving me a harmless target, well, ya blew it.

So, what can I say about Despedida? It doesn't seem like she was terribly closely involved with any of the murders. The means of ****: strangulation for First Ciao, the cut of a blade for Second Ciao, and basically getting turned into human mashed potatoes for the third Ciao. All in all? No signs that tech enters into it. Each of those is a lot easier to imagine one of the others perpetrating, if you ask me. Still, even if she wasn't involved in the murders, I can still throw you a thing or two you may not have known. First off

Just kidding! I've got nothing. I dug and dug, but Spelunky's a difficult game to beat, you know? Like I said, traps everywhere, dog.

You still want to know more, though, right?

I'll tell you a little about myself instead, then. I'm a Japanese-American, 23 years old. Black hair, brown eyes. I'm a little short-- not quite as much as Goodbye-- and just a little chubby-- also not as much as Goodbye. My bust size is pretty nice, but my ass is probably my better feature. What do you think? If I was a route in a galge, would you go after someone like me? It's kind of sexy that I'm behind a computer all the time so you never get to see me, right?

If I had a Goodbye Girls code name, I always wanted to be called Sayonara. I really idolize the Goodbye Girls! Despedida is especially cool, she's my fav.

Hey, also, I sometimes masturbate while I'm doing these missions for you. I have a little photo of you inside my laptop case! I masturbate to that a lot, imagining that you're putting the moves on me as one of your targets, using that Rabbit Badge and fucking me in the men's toilet and stuff. Don't tell anyone about that! It's really embarrassing for me. I'm actually masturbating right now. I'm sticking my hand into my little black panties and working my clit! I'm the kind of person who likes it in the ass, too, so who knows where all my fingers have been?

You know you're being kind of a dick, right, Ciao? Thinking that your computer conversations would be private is really insulting to me. If you attack directly, don't be surprised when I flip my back row.

Besides, aren't you way off base? There's a suspicious Goodbye Girl and it ain't me! Look: who's suspicious, has been here from the beginning to kill every handler, and loves deceiving people at every turn? Who's got the CQC skills to **** and the deception skills to appear out of nowhere, then fade into the scenery? It's Vaarvel! Not just her, of course; she can manipulate both Au Revoir and Tschau into helping her. That should be pretty obvious by this point...

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you earlier; I wanted to keep you out of it to protect you and solve it myself, if I could. I've been watching her a long time and you should be too, dumbass. Stop looking at me and focus on the real perpetrator behind all of this. I hope when the time comes that you need to make a decision, you'll accept that I've been your ally the whole time, even if you fought me every step of the way.

Hopefully, something in there helps you. Thanks again for the opportunity to do all of this. It was a lot of fun, learning more about the Goodbye Girls. Hopefully, one day, we'll have a chance to meet in person. I'd like to shake your hand! (Make sure she washes it first!)

Signing off!

-Telegram and Despedida