QUICK! DISTRACTION!

Okay, so despite the seemingly overwhelming evidence you're still struggling to believe that that toy Iyou found just a couple hours ago has some sort of fantastic transforming capabilities. That's just not possible right? Right?

Still...Jack, the guy who I am pretty sure was outside my neighbor's house when I accidentally fired the gun, was nowhere near quick enough to get out of view of your window by the time I looked back up, and I am positive that he wouldn't have been able to scale the fence. Hell, since his high school football career ended I've seen him struggle to climb out of lawn chairs. What was that old Sherlock Holmes line? "Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?" I cannot think of any other way for Jack to disappear AND for Jackie to appear so suddenly. So, as crazy it sounds maybe, just maybe, that gun did it...some how.

And now Jackie is pointing that gun at you.

Time to think quick. If Jackie pulls that trigger, who knows what will happen? Sure it turned Jack from a depressing, past his prime schlub, into a scorching hot, if a bit flighty teen sexpot. I'm more than a little confident that I'd rather not go through the same change. Or whatever else that gun is capable of. The only things that come to mind seem based in old cartoons, but I've got no option left but to throw up a Hail Mary. "OHMYGOD! What the fuck is that!" Startled by the outburst, Jackie turns to follow my outstretched hand to look down the hallway. Moving quickly, I grab the gun out of her hand.

"Owie! I broke a nail on those stupid switches." Wait...switches? What is she talking about? "You big meanie. Why did you do that?" Jackie pouted, sucking on her finger.

"You were going to zap me with the gun. That's not very nice, I let you come into my house and drink my beer, and that's how you say thank you?" As alluring as Jackie is, you're busy studying the gun. You hadn't noticed before but on the side of the blaster, there are two switches. One has a silhouette of a person, almost an emoji of a woman's silhouette. The other has a trio of icons, again looking like emojis. And as much as those symbols can actually look like anything, these ones look like...a cop, a doctor and...a fairy?

On either side of both switches, rather than any logical explanation of what they do, are simply the symbols Δ and π. I've got no idea what any of this means, but I am honestly more bewildered by the fact that I hadn't even noticed them before. Now that I have, they appear pretty obvious. Turning my attention back to the blonde harlot in front of me, Jackie has her finger in her mouth, as if to heal or sooth the broken fingernail. She's got the big-eyes-pouting-lips look down pat, so before they have a chance to impact me, I turn the blaster on her. "You know, that was a very naughty thing to do Jackie."

"Oh no mister! Don't punish little old me!" Quickly slipping from pouting to flirtatious, Jackie flounces around the living room a bit before "hiding" by the couch.

"Oh Mark, I'll be good, just please don't zap me with your gun!"

"Too late for that my dear. You were naughty and now you need to be punished!" I say as I grab her ass and start massaging it roughly.

"Oh?" She taunted, sitting up on the couch. "What are you going to do, shoot me?"

"I hadn't decided yet, but that's a very good idea, Jackie." And with that, I bring the blaster to bear, pull the trigger, and am again blinding by the bright flash of the gun. At least this time I was prepared for the kickback. When my vision returned, Jackie was gone. In her place was another blonde, but whereas Jackie was more than a little air headed, this new lovely figure in front of me looked every bit the stereotypical school girl, lying on my couch, looking like she's been expecting me.

Holy shit...this gun does work.