Pure terror

You march proudly out of Rifure Town, not looking back even once. You make it about 2 minutes out of the village when, suddenly, some manner of hellbeast blocks your path. Your panic gets the better of you, and you immediately call the professor for help.

Status Gained: Fear

“Things look bad, Professor. I’m cornered by a demon, and it’s looking straight at me! I don’t think I’m gonna make it.”

“Uhhh, is it a pokemon?” she asks.

“No, it’s a spawn of satan himself. I’m doomed,” you say between ragged breaths.

“Calm down,” she replies, “just tell me what it looks like. Take a picture if you can.”

“A picture? Sure, I’ll immortalize my assailant’s image as it mows me over and leaves me dead in the wilderness,” you snap.

“I don’t hear you getting pummeled to the ground, so I think you can take a picture.”

Hand trembling, you try to steady your phone as best you can, and pray the flash doesn’t anger the creature as you take a picture and send it to Stump.

“Let’s see here. Yellow bee pokemon… No, not Beedrill… Oh, it IS a pokemon. That’s a Combee,” she says matter-of-factly.

“Nonsense!” you yell. “I played with pokemon out here all the time when I was a kid and I never saw one of these things!”

“A lot has changed since you were a kid, you Gen I Purist.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Anyway, just fight it with your Diglett and you should be fine. Say… are you really going to be okay?”

Status Lost: Fear

You snap yourself out of your fit of terror. It’s tough to swallow, but if the professor is saying it, it must be true. That thing in front of you is a pokemon. The rules may have changed, but the game remains the same. The first step to greatness will be defeating this bee pokemon. You release Diglett from its pokeball, ready to fight.

“Diglett, use…” Wait. How’s a penis in the ground supposed to fight?

“Scratch,” you hear over the phone.

“Scratch!? Are you kidding me? The thing has no hands or feet, much less claws.”

Diglett, responding to the command, burrows over to Combee, spins in a circle, and suddenly the Combee recoils.

“Did it work?” Professor Stump asks.

“…”

“It worked, didn’t it.”

“Shut up,” you reply. The Combee flies low to the ground, then starts zooming forward towards Diglett! Fortunately, Diglett dives underground at the last second, then re-emerges and looks back at you expectantly.

“Oh! Uh, Diglett, use Scratch!”

Diglett closes in, repeats the same motion, and the Combee falls to the ground, knocked out.

“Thank you, Professor Stump! You’re a huge help as always.”

*click*

How embarrassing…