The Profile

School was more or less normal as the days until my nineteenth birthday ticked down. Kaylee and Charles continued working together. He stopped by a few times asking if they were still on for their meeting after practice. After the second time, I found myself up at midnight staring at my phone. Kaylee’s words had been weighing on me ever since we had the conversation. She had some big plans for college. I suppose her mother had warned me, but hearing Kaylee’s expectations had me worried. Lisa had said I would need to run to keep up, but could I?

It was time to drag out the repressed memory of my time with Kayla. Sex with her had been enjoyable. Even though I spent most of the time comparing her to Kaylee, I’d had fun in the moment. It was only after that I felt guilty about it—mostly because I had no idea why Kaylee was pushing it so hard. Maybe I was overthinking things. It seemed no one else on the planet had qualms about having sex with others, so why was I making such a big deal over things? I’d always hidden behind my secret as an excuse not to do anything. Girls didn’t like using condoms and I had no excuse as an official D-rank to use them. A handy excuse for when what really frightened me was putting myself out there in the first place.

It didn’t change the fact that I loved Kaylee and was happy with her. After the conversation in the car, I felt like she was making a real effort to find some common ground. I needed to do some soul-searching. I knew what type of guy I was. I ordered the same damn thing off the menu because it was the safe option. I knew I liked it and wouldn’t be disappointed.

But the world was so much bigger than that. Kaylee wanted to go out and explore and wanted me to be a part of that.

Opening the Preference Profile, I navigated to Kaylee’s profile. Hovering over the Want to Try menu, I figured the best way to approach this was to start from where Kaylee was and going from there. I doubted there would be much overlap between us, but it was better than starting from scratch. Besides, the list was massive and I didn’t want to spend obscene amounts of time going through all the options.

I took a deep breath. It was time for me to get to know my girlfriend. Really get to know her.

The list wasn’t as long as I expected.

At the top was threesome in blue text. Checking the key, blue was apparently a ‘must.’ Underneath it was a breakdown of the composition she wanted. I found three entries there: MMF, MFF, and FFF. It was easy to forget she was attracted to girls too. I knew about her having a thing with Zoe and Kayla, but she never spoke much about that. Everything at lunch or when it was the two of us had always been about boys. Remembering that kiss she had with Kayla brought that twisting butterfly feeling in my stomach again. Hot as it was, there was a real intimacy there.

Below that was double penetration, also in blue text. Not shocking considering MMF was one of her ‘must’ tries.

I chewed at my lip as I continued to read. Orgy. Group sex. Foursome. Partner swap. Costume. Gangbang.

The hell. It was almost all group stuff. I suppose it made sense. She’d been sexually active for quite some time. Everything she wanted to do with another person had probably been done already.

Backing out of that menu, I went to the Fetish and Kinks menu as I braced myself. I was surprised to find this list was much smaller than the other one.

Roleplay was the one that I saw first. Looking at the date, I found it was added around the time of our ski trip. She had enjoyed our little event—even if it had taken a lot out of me. Maybe that was something we could try again. Considering she had added it immediately after that one time, it must have made an impression. It was also one of the rare times she let me lead. Provided I didn’t self-sabotage myself, it might be a fun way to spice things up for us.

Exhibition was second but had the modifier of ‘light’ in parentheses. That made sense from what I knew of her. She had numerous videos of herself with others and had no problem having sex with other people watching.

Voyeurism also had the modifier of ‘light’ and was in a yellow text indicating it as a ‘possible.’

My eyes froze on impregnation. It was in blue, which the key showed as love. I guess her obsession with having guys cum in her was rooted in something beyond whatever pleasure she took from it. Information I could use later. Ideas about possible roleplays were already forming.

This wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Sure, Kaylee had a lot of group stuff she wanted to do, but interest didn’t mean she would like it. The idea of having two people in bed might be better than the reality. Seeing this increased my confidence a bit. I knew for certain other guys weren’t going to bother with the roleplay stuff. She probably wouldn’t even want to even if the guy was willing. When it came to hot guys, Kaylee was only in it for the sex. The fact that she only added roleplay after we did our thing made me wish I checked this sooner. Maybe then we could have avoided some of the issues that came up.

Then I saw the two most recently added.

Cuckold and Hotwife.

Both were yellow, so it seemed she was still unsure. Her putting them down wasn’t the shock I might have expected. She had made it quite clear that she enjoyed me watching her with other men, and I was never going to forget her words in the shower that night.

For cuckold, that was an easy decision. Absolutely not. This was one line in the sand that wasn’t moving. As loving as Kaylee could be, I knew her too well. She would push right up to that breaking point and then go a step farther. After our conversation about this, I was confident I could handle her talking about her other partners no matter how explicit she decided to get. I was also reasonably sure I could watch her with another guy if it came to that now that we were in a better place in our relationship. The one thing I couldn’t handle was her eroticizing it. I didn't need to read the tag description to know it wasn't for me. Women sleeping with men other than their husband was fairly common. This kink went a step further and added elements of humiliation and shame. It was less about the need to sleep with fertile men and more about finding sexual satisfaction with them before rubbing it in their husband's face.

Kaylee knew me too well and my buttons were rather easy to push. Teasing got dangerous enough. I couldn’t imagine the hit to my mental health if she was actively trying to humiliate me.

So that was a hard no.

I had to double-check on hotwife. I understood the general concept, but I wanted to make sure I got the context here. Again, it was fairly common for a woman to sleep with other men outside the marriage so that wasn’t really what this kink was. As Kaylee had put it, babies didn’t make themselves. This was a bit more involved and added a new dynamic to that. Specifically, the husband took an active role in picking men to sleep with his wife. Like all things, there was a spectrum from the husband having a say in who the wife sleeps with, to the husband having complete control over his wife’s sex life. For the latter, it wasn’t about sexual fidelity on the part of the wife, but that she had no say in the men her husband picked for her. For good or ill, she slept with everyone he brought before her.

That was a bit too advanced for me to think about right now.

Closing out of the Profile, I took a deep breath and sat on the bed to think.

Hearing Kaylee talk about her time with other men made me uncomfortable in a weird way, but I found it was around the same level as any other time someone talked about sex with me. Uncomfortable, but nothing that left any lingering impacts. I was relatively sure that was due to my upbringing where sex was downplayed and never really talked about at home—even if that was slowly changing. What devastated me was her wanting me to get off on it. To encourage her actions with other guys. That was the piece that went too far.

I had been doing a lot of introspection and thinking about our relationship and about what I knew about Kaylee. My conclusion was when Kaylee was with other guys, I wanted her to enjoy herself. Sex and Kaylee were always deeply entwined. Asking her not to sleep with hot guys was like her asking me not to follow superhero lore and watch the shows and movies about them. Thinking back to the times I’d seen Kaylee have sex, I had to admit there was something exciting about it all, but it was mixed up with too many other negative emotions. Some of it had been simple jealousy. Other times, it was Kaylee wanting me to push her to use other men as an… alternative… to me—or something like that. These past months together had our ups and downs, but I understood Kaylee better than I had before.

Maybe having sex with Kayla shifted my perspective a bit too. I enjoyed it. It was nice having someone so… expressive. Not once did I have to ask, “Did you enjoy that?” All I needed was to look to see the answer. That sort of thing was rare with Kaylee. Even though I knew all too well how important that was to her, she was still here. I still remembered what she told Paige at breakfast. Satisfaction. That was the word she used. Other guys could bring her a lot of things, but the way she always talked about our relationship made it seem like that was something only I achieved. I… could live with that.

The whole cuckold thing was still a no-go. Watching or listening to her talk about other guys was something I could do, but all I could think about was Paige and William. No judgment on what the guy got off to, but that wasn’t me. If Kaylee had been in Paige’s position and me in Williams, hearing her say that shit would have ruined me. Experience told me how biting her teasing could be, and that stuff messed me up in a bad way. Telling me she was thinking of me while getting off on another guy was like telling me she wished I was that guy. It made me feel lesser and worthless. I hated that.

Maybe it didn’t make much sense in the grand scheme of things. After all, she was still getting off with another guy. The difference mattered to me though. Thinking back to the other night where Kaylee was telling me about her first time with Charles, I had been…cautiously…enjoying things until she brought me into it. Then it became a comparison. A comparison I always failed. Hearing her say things like that hurt me because most of them were things I had no control over.

I just hoped our earlier conversation conveyed all that, but that wasn’t going to be the last of us talking about this and I would make sure she knew exactly where I stood on things.

The phone vibrating in my hand almost caused me to drop it. Recovering, I took a breath as I saw who was calling. Taking a few more to be on the safe side, I answered and Kaylee appeared on my screen.

“Hey,” I said, hoping I sounded casual. That quickly changed when I saw a whole lot of skin on the other side. She was naked… or close to it.

I think she knew what I was staring at because she got an impish smile and tipped the phone down. I was treated to a wonderful view of the top of her breasts. It was a tease though, not enough to be explicit but enough to get me excited. After only a second or two, the camera was back to her smiling face.

“Creeping on my Profile tonight?”

Words caught in my mouth as I struggled to keep my composure. “H-How—”

“I pay for premium. I see everyone who looks—and what they look at.” I paled as she giggled. “Relax. Just teasing you. I’ve got nothing to hide.” I nodded. Looking closer, I found there was a sheen over her skin. Sweat? My heart raced. Wait. She was in her room… naked… and sweating…

“A-am I interrupting?”

She glanced off-screen. A few seconds later, she was staring back at me. “Nothing that can’t wait a bit. Besides, I called you. Remember?”

I nodded, a numbness taking hold of my brain. All I could imagine was what resided off-screen. Charles, naked on her bed. How many times had they done it? It’d been several hours since practice ended. Maybe they got some work done first—

“You okay?” Her voice cut through my darkening thoughts and I forced a smile.

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“Tired is all.”

She didn’t believe me. “This about something you saw in my Profile?” There was a hint of concern in her voice.

“It was… eye-opening.”

“Not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.”

I was starting to sweat. I don’t know why this situation was getting to me. Maybe it was because I saw the cuckolding kink on her Profile. Maybe it was because she was calling me between rounds with Charles. The entire time, she was talking to me as if things were normal.

Normal.

What was going to be our normal?

“Scott?” Blinking, my eyes focused on her again. Her playful nature was gone, replaced by a serious look.

“Hmm?” I managed.

She didn’t immediately speak as she silently studied me. “I think you need to see this. What I’m about to do,” she said as she began to adjust her phone. I think my heart was about to explode as I realized what she was doing. She was about to show me her bed. What awaited her there. Who waited there…

“Wait! Don’t—”

Empty.

Her bed was empty.

I about collapsed. Damn it. Why the hell had that hit me so god damn hard? My imagination was getting out of control.

“Was just about to go to bed,” she said in a soft voice. “Got out of the shower not too long ago and saw you were on my Profile so I thought I would tease you a bit.” I nodded, my voice still MIA. It was all I could do to keep myself balanced and not collapse back onto my bed. It was like the world was swimming from the absolute relief I felt.

“So he already left for the night,” I finally managed.

“A few hours ago, yeah.”

The silence crept on. I think she knew what I wanted to ask. It was clear she expected me to ask the question. It was pointless to ask it. I already had my answer, but I asked it anyway.

“Did you two…?” I let the question hang.

“Work on our project? Yes.”

Damn her. She knew I wasn’t asking that.

“A-after?”

She frowned. “You want to know?” Only my silence answered. Did I? It was stupid, yet I found the ambiguity so much worse than knowing. The expectation of pain was so much worse than the actual pain. Like how wanting to rip off a bandaid was so much worse than actually doing it.

I nodded and awaited the inevitable twang of regret for asking.

“No. We didn’t.” My surprise was no secret as she immediately commented on it. “Looks like you expected another answer.”

“Yeah… Kinda.”

Setting her phone down, I finally got a full view of her as she backed away. She was topless with a pair of white panties. I didn’t have long to admire the view as she quickly put on an oversized shirt. It didn’t take me long to realize I recognized it. When did she swipe one of my shirts? We both had clothes at each other’s houses now, but that one wasn’t one I’d stashed over at her place. I felt a strange twinge in my chest seeing her wearing something of mine. I’d been wondering where that shirt had gone. Wasn’t too upset now. She wore it a lot better than I did.

“Didn’t feel like it,” she said, brushing at her hair as she approached the phone again.

“I’m surprised.”

“Why?”

“You’re not one to turn down an opportunity like that.”

Staring into the phone, she continued to fuss over her hair. “Maybe in the past, but I wasn’t dating you then.” There was a slight hesitation before she continued. “Wasn’t in the mood.” I remained silent, letting her talk. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re shocked I have the ability to refrain from sex.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Didn’t have to. I don’t know if you are giving me a look of relief or disappointment, which makes this whole thing so confusing.”

I found myself nervously rubbing the back of my neck. “I just expected—”

She stopped messing with her hair to look at the camera on her phone. “I told you I wasn’t doing this to replace you. Guys like Charles are there for a specific purpose. I like having the option, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to take it every time. As I said, I wasn’t in the mood.”

“I get it. Why don’t we talk about something else?”

She shrugged and went back to combing her hair. “So? You finally got around to checking out my Profile. And?”

I sighed. “A lot of group stuff in there.”

“Yeah. I’ve always been attracted to that sort of thing. Mom talks about it a lot. Said one of her greatest regrets of getting married is she does a lot less of it. Dad doesn’t mind swinging, but he’s never been a big fan of group stuff beyond couple swaps. I guess he had enough of that in college.” That was way more information about her parents than I needed to know. Yet she talked about it like it was no big deal. I was starting to realize that when everything around you seems weird and out of place, maybe you are the weird one out of place.

Either that or both our families were fucking weird and we were just fucked.

“Yet you haven’t tried any of it.”

She shook her head. “Not yet.” Setting her brush aside, she stared into the phone. “Zoe tried plenty of times to get me in a threesome with her and whatever guy she was screwing at the time.” Brushing the hair from her face, she settled back in her chair. “I suppose if you want to get technical, I’ve had threesomes before. There have been a few times where two guys have taken turns with me, but it was never at the same time.” My mind flashed back to our skiing trip together. Something tells me that wasn’t the only one she was referring to. “I also shared guys with Kayla, but again, we took turns so I don’t consider those true threesomes. The intent wasn’t there and it was only ever between two people with the third watching.” She grinned at the happy memories. “Or recovering.”

“And what makes it a ‘true’ threesome in your mind?”

“Three people all finding pleasure together at the same time with the same people with explicit intention to do so.”

“Good to know.”

Her head tilted to the side. “Interested?” Before I could answer, she was already interrupting. “As I keep saying, I am more than willing for our first one to be with another girl if you think that will be easier. I’ll even let you pick our partner if you aren’t interested in Kayla being our third.”

“I—” My rejection failed before I finished as I saw her excited face stare at me. “I’ll think about it,” I said, resisting the urge to sigh.

She nodded, seemingly satisfied with my answer. For now.

“There is one thing that concerns me,” I said, anxiety settling in my stomach.

Nervously chewing on her lip, she nodded slowly. “The cuckold kink?” I nodded. “Just because it’s a turn-on doesn’t mean we have to do it.”

“That turns you on?” I couldn’t keep all of my disgust from my voice.

She straightened in her seat. “Yes,” she said in a firm tone. “I can’t help what I enjoy, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to do that to you. You have made it abundantly clear that you are not into it, and I will respect that. It’s there because I’m interested. That’s all.”

“Okay.” Hearing her say that made me feel a little better. “I’ve been thinking about some things too, but I’m not quite sure I’m ready to talk about them just yet.”

“I understand. As I said before, I’m willing to wait. Whenever you are ready.” Kaylee stared at me through the phone for a few moments before giving me a disarming smile. “Family still planning on Friday for your birthday bash?”

Thankful for the change in topic, I nodded. “Yeah. Dinner’s at six.”

“We should go out before then. No school and the game isn’t until Saturday this week.”

“Read my mind.”

“Great! See you tomorrow?”

“Love you.” She repeated it back to me and we hung up. I took a deep breath, rubbing the top of my head. What I needed now was a nice hot shower and some time to think.