Ashley Price, Looking Ever Forward

"Hey, um, can I ask a question?"

You share a brief glance with Buzz, then answer Colin with a genial shrug. "Sure."

The boy rubs awkwardly at his arm. "It's about Quinn."

"Ah." You crane your head around to peer past the boy, scoping out where the rest of the group is gathered. One of the girls dragged in the karaoke machine at some point, and Quinn is cheering along with everyone else at Hime's energetic rendition of what sounds like a Cyndi Lauper song. "Don't you think you should be asking Quinn, then?"

"I know. I mean, I'm going to. It's just..." He trails off, frowning deeply before summoning up the fortitude to continue on. "Look, I don't know any of the right words and I'm definitely going to say all of this wrong. So I thought I could sort of run it by you first? And when I mess up, you can tell me? So I don't hurt or insult Quinn or something?"

Oh. That's actually pretty thoughtful. "Alright, Colin. What's up?"

The boy leans forward, the words tumbling out of him. "Is Quinn really a girl?!" He pales when you raise your eyebrows, looking as if he'd be willing to collapse in on himself like a dying star if he had the option right now. "See?! I told you I was going to mess it up! It's just, I thought Quinn was dressed up and using makeup and stuff to look like that, but we brushed against each other and that isn't padding, and I know you told me about magic and whatever but I didn't realize--"

You raise your hands quickly, carefully quieting Colin before he can stammer himself into a stupor. "Colin, Colin. Relax, alright?" He takes in a deep breath, and you continue on. "Alright. So. Yes, Quinn is really a girl."

"Right of course I really didn't want to misgender her but I just knew I was going to say something--" Colin cuts himself off midstream when you hold up your hands again. "Sorry. I'm really out of my depths here."

"I know, and that's so not your fault. It's a situation."

Buzz makes a comforting noise, reaching out to pat Colin's arm. "You're trying to make sense of something while also being courteous of another person's feelings. That's hard, but you're trying your best. You're a sweetheart, Colin."

Colin's still embarrassed, but Buzz's gentle support seems to have made him feel better. "Um, thanks. I appreciate it."

Now that he seems calmed down, you'd better take him through the situation. Better do some groundwork first, though; Quinn seems to be very open about her newly embraced gender fluidity, but if she hasn't explicitly shared that with Colin then it isn't your place to do it for her. "You and Quinn have talked about how she identifies, right?"

Colin nods. "Yes. Quinn told me that sometimes they would present as a girl, and sometimes as a boy."

Okay, so they've talked about everything besides the sorcerous catfuckery. That stuff you can definitely expound upon. "Well then you've really got most of it. It's just that, unlike most people in Quinn's situation, when Quinn feels like a boy he is physically a boy and when Quinn feels like a girl she is physically a girl. And probably at varying degrees in-between, though I can't really speculate on that."

"Really?"

"Yep." Huh. The way Colin's ears redden tell you one thing, but the way he seems almost crestfallen is telling you something entirely different. "What's wrong?"

The boy continues shuffling in place, clearly having trouble meeting your eyes. "It's just...before we, um...you know..."

Who, you and him? Oh. "Before we had sex?"

Colin swallows, nodding. "Yeah. I was sort of...confused about what I liked for a while. I mean, I knew you're a girl obviously, but when we were younger you also acted and looked kinda like a boy and I thought that I liked boys maybe but then we experimented in the tent and I got mixed up and--"

"Whoa, whoa!" Man, coming to a screeching halt mid rant so many times probably isn't great on the vocal cords. Poor Colin is going to need some tea after this. "Are you trying to say that you were into me back then because I was a boyish girl?"

Colin starts to flush again. "That's totally insulting, right?"

"Hey man, just relax, okay? We're friends. I'm not going to get offended. But let me guess the next step in this story: did your attraction to Quinn start when you noticed that he presented a bit girly?"

Colin lets out his held breath, deeply flustered. "Yes and now I'm worried Quinn'll think I'm into her because I'm, I'm...chasing a fetish or something. But I like her for a lot more than just what parts I'm attracted too! Quinn's great! She's nice, and fun, and really big and strong but somehow so dainty that I feel all big and strong and I..." Colin sighs. "I'm nervous. I don't want to hurt someone I care about."

Aw, Colin. You really want to tousle his hair right now, but decide that would undercut his display of honesty. "Just tell Quinn how you feel, Colin. You can always worry about the details later, but honestly? I think once you've both gotten everything out in the open, the details won't seem as important anymore."

Your friend bounces nervously in place. "You're sure?"

"Definitely."

He takes a moment longer to gather himself up, then gives you a resolved nod and turns back towards the party at large. Well, it looks like all that's left to do is give them their space. You understand that you can't rush this sort of thing, even if you are **** to see them smooch, but...ugh, you are so **** to see them smooch. So ****, in fact, that it takes you a moment to notice that Buzz has been awfully quiet. "Oh shit. Buzz, I'm really sorry; I shouldn't have been talking about--"

Buzz shakes her head, though her little not-quite smile is damn near heartbreaking. "It's alright. I'm happy for them." Be that as it may, when you slip an arm around the girl she still leans in, resting her head against your shoulder. "It was all real to me, you know. It still feels real."

You knit your brow, staring down at Buzz. "You mean, what you had with Guy?"

She nods her head against you. "Yeah. I mean, I know he was faking, but...it didn't feel fake. Not then, and not in my memories. Maybe it's just because he was my first, I don't know. I'm mad about how he used me, but even more than that I'm mad that he killed the boy I fell in love with. That Guy might have been a lie, but he was real to me. He still is."

You bring up your other arm to draw Buzz into a full hug. "It won't hurt forever, Buzz."

"I know. Though that makes me a bit sad, too." She squeezes you tightly, then lets you go with a sigh. "Actually, I was doing some thinking earlier. I spent pretty much all my time up until now with Guy, and now I guess I need to figure out what to do with it."

This sounds interesting. "Did you have any thoughts?"

"Well, Pixie and Peetee are gonna sign up for classes at the community college next semester. Maybe I will, too."

Wait, really? Pixie you get; sugar and salt aside, she's smart as a whip. And Buzz is no slouch either. But Pig Tails? The work Isabelle has done with that girl is practically Pavlovian; if she's associating getting good grades with access to dick to the degree that she's committing herself to higher learning, Isabelle deserves to be declared Educator of the Year. Don't get sidetracked, though. "You'd do great in college, Buzz!"

The Woo Girl nods, her eyes brightening. "I also had a lot of fun baking today. I thought maybe I could do some more of that? I think I'm good at it! I think I'm actually sorta good at a lot of stuff, but haven't had a chance to figure it out yet. So I'm thinking I'm gonna just try a bunch of stuff, and maybe that way I'll figure Me out a bit more."

Before you can gush encouragement all over the thoughtful girl, the poppy strains of a Whitney Houston song and the karaoke crowd calling out her name cause her to pull away from you. "Oh, but right now it's my turn to sing! I guess that's the first thing I'm trying, then!"

She leans in to squeeze you in another tight hug, then hurries out of the back office to the party's cheers. God, she really is something, isn't she? You sink down in the chair, allowing yourself a moment to marvel at Buzz's capacity for growth before rejoining the group yourself. It's hard to remember at times, but she and the other Woo Girls have only been around for a couple of months. It was easy to think of them as nothing more than a silly, giggly herd of fluff, but just look at Buzz: she's working through her first heartbreak and discovering ways to grow as a person, all in the same day. That is fucking great. In many ways the Woo Girls are your responsibility, but your growing understanding and appreciation for them as individuals has made it much more than that. They're your friends. And you want to protect your friends.

Almost on cue the sickly sweet taste blooms in the back of your throat, causing you to tightly grip the arm of your chair as you **** yourself not to swoon. You twist around to stare at the framed picture of the New Dean that sits on the side table, head spinning as you try to decide whether the image has changed from the last time you looked at it. Just as you decide that yes, it definitely has, words come unbidden to your mind.

they're going to come, Ashley. what will do you when they come, Ashley

You dig your fingers hard into the armrest, forcing yourself to swallow down the disgusting sweetness as you turn back around. "I'm working on it. Ma'am."

No more words come, but you get the faintest sense that someone, somewhere is chuckling.