The Vows that Bind Us

"Damn it Olav, dats twice I catch ye with a bottle in hand sleepin' in on the job. Get out. I said get out, yer fired." Nyitzcha grumbled, tossing a sack of coins to the man. He frowned and walked out the bar door, slamming it behind. Nyitzcha tapped her fingers over the polished wooden surface and sighed, resting her head against her crossed arms feeling defeated. Reaching into her pocket, she fished out a notepad and some quill, dipping it in ink and crossing out a name on her list. The list read employees with all seven names crossed off.

She tossed the notepad over her shoulder, her hands on her forehead as she closed her eyes and exhaled. It had been three years since they opened the bar and two years since the marriage, no wedding was set. Neither Zik nor she had any relatives around, her family had relocated during the war so only the Gods would know if they're still around. She hoped they were, but her mind was far more occupied in current stress.

Her eyes glanced toward the silver flask dangling on her flintlock holster. Retrieving it, she took several large gulps before slamming it down and wiping the dribbling liquid from her lips, a soft burp escaping from her. Behind the counter, she dug into a few papers and pulled out the payments, scrolling through and checking with the earnings of that month.

"Damn, not enough. When ye comin' home?" She sniffed, rubbing her eyes.

Later that night, someone was fumbling with what sounded like several rattling keys as the main door opened up. Zik pushed through, struggling with a heavy backpack as he set it down and sighed. He froze, catching Nyitzcha slumped over one of the many tables nearby. She sighed, snoring peacefully which brought him a feeling of relief. Zik headed upstairs to their room and returned with a blanket in hand, wrapping it around her. Her hand caught his wrist as she held a knife to his throat, her eyes staring intently with a slight trigger to press the blade through.

She gasped and dropped the knife, hugging him tight. He smiled and held her back, moving in for a kiss when she pulled away. "Ye butt, where were ye?"

"Eh, moving the herd took a lot longer then we thought. You know how hard it is for Auguste. He won't admit it, but he's getting old." He chuckled, moving in once more when she held him back.

"I found his wife out 'n de marketplace yesterday, she said dey never asked fer help. Said his oldest is helpin' wit de herd. An' ye reek of gunpowder."

His smile began to fade away, the excitement on his face shifting to a dull and drained look. He pulled away, reaching into his backpack as she crossed her arms behind him.

"I told you not to worry for me."

"An' I told ye no more lies! Gods, how many fuckin' lies will I be catching ye in? Lemme guess, anothah ration shipment? Was it rations er weapons? Be honest, damn it!"

"It was neither." Zik calmly answered, setting down a large case. The contents inside jingled and cluttered together, she recognized that sound despite not hearing it in years. "You said we were falling behind in payments, so I asked for favors like I said. It wasn't a lie."

"Malarkey, ye said ye were helpin' Auguste fer som coin. Not dat yer went back to de camps." She fumed, parting the lid open and holding her breath at the sight of gold coin. There was so much, it was reflecting yellow light onto her face. She sealed it and sighed, dropping her head and beginning to weep.

Bur Zik noticed and held her tight, kissing her head. "Hey now, it's just this one time. Just to make it through another season."

"Ye say dat, ye said dat before again an' again an' again. Dis isn't goin' to work, Zik. I can't do this."

"Hey, it's just a bit of coin-"

"Not dat! It's you. I can't trust you when ye keep lying to me on and on. We made a promise t'leave dat life behind us, why can't you keep it?"

"You think I haven't tried?" He exclaimed, raising his voice. "I've been a soldier for fifteen of my twenty-eight years, now I'm supposed to drop it and pretend it never happened? People around here want to forget about it as if it's not ongoing, they even mock our side for fighting! Out there, we were heroes. We were figures, we were soldiers, and we did our job well. Out here I have nothing, I know nothing. I can't even mention my military background without being ridiculed. Calling me a killer, acting like they're better than me, like I'm scum! It's like- It's like I'm being punished and-and for what? For doing my job when I was little, a job I didn't have a clue or choice on, a job where I lost so much and kept going because damn it that was what I do best! I was just I-I just, I can't, we can't, I can't just drop it like it never happened like you!"

"Who said I dropped it?" She yelled back, gritting her teeth. "You think I dun look back an' regret leaving?"

"It was your choice to leave."

"Our choice! I didn't force ye to come wit me."

"Well maybe I shouldn't have!" Her eyes shot forth, shocked by his words and stepping back. Bur Zik gasped, realizing he went too far. "Shit, Nyitzcha I-I didn't mean that-"

"Nu, nu you dun take back words like dat, not when yer bein' bitter! Forgive me fer wantin' to keep my man safe wit me. Forgive me fer not havin' de heart or stomach to carry on. Life is cruel, Zik. We can't just carry on fightin' and forget livin' altogether. I dun want to die so soon, why is dat so hard fer ye to believe?"

"We had each other, we had our code of honor. You watch my back, I watch yours."

"Aye, and we still do. I love ye, but I can't go back there even if life was easier dat way. I want to make somethin' o'myself, I want to settle an' have lil ones an' tell em stories, teach em to be strong an' be better den there Mum was." Nyitzcha sat down onto the floor, resting against the bar. Bur Zik followed, holding her hand and taking a deep breath.

"Ye still do de breathin' exercises?" He nodded. "Figures, I do too."

"You scared me that night when you approached me and asked us to go away. I didn't know why, it felt like you were scared that night. I've never seen you scared before."

"I was always scared, luv. Ever since de first night when dey held us a'gunpoint. I damn well accepted me death. An' ye know what? I been scared every time dey sent us out fer more. But ye made me feel safe when hell came loose."

"I was only strong because of you."

"Den stop goin' back, please. Before it's too late. I dun want ye goin' out an' never comin' back t'me."

He looked away, keeping still and contemplating. She held her breath, waiting for his answer. He turned back and looked at her, she could see from his eyes he felt defeated. "I can try... I think. Yea, what the heck."

He reached for her hand, she held him back and stroked the ring on his finger. It broke her heart, realizing what she had to do. Biting her tongue, she gripped his hand with her fingers on his ring.

"What are you doing?"

"Setting ye free. Dis isn't you Bur Zik, is not de man I love. I would be lying to say you changed, I was forcin' ye to change. I can't do dat, is wrong of me to try."

"Nyitzcha."

She raised her hand. "Lemme finish. I love you, but I can't hold ye back. So, dis is it. I dun want to make ye choose, but I need to. Say de words, an' ye can go."

"I don't want to leave you-"

"Neither do I, but is clear I ain't yer first love. I just wish I was." She whimpered, feeling her teeth sink into her tongue enough to be painful. It hurt, but it helped surpress her emotions. "Please, say de words."

Bur Zik stared, shocked and unable to form any words or sound. What do you say under a situation like this? He glanced at the box of coin. "Not even when I bring you enough money to keep the place open?"

"Das de thing, I never needed de money. I needed you." Her words shattered his vision, breaking his heart. Now he understood why, it wasn't about the money he offered. Even if they were on the verge of going broke, he would assume she would let it slide for him to do a favor or two in the service once more. Why not, if it helps keep food on the table. But it was never about making enough money, it was the promise they made. She wanted to move on, but he couldn't.

"Was I really a bad husband?"

"Nuh, you were de best sometimes. But yer a fighter, luv. I can't change dat."

"You're a fighter too."

"I'm a survivor." She corrected him, destroying his hopes and accepting her fate. He leaned back and closed his eyes, listening to her say the correct chant as their rings began to glow. "Bur Zik, I foresake the vows that bind us and our rings."

He swallowed and looked into her eyes, thinking back of the memories they shared together. Ten years, ten years they held strong and took on the world. With her by his side, he felt he had the strength to beat whatever they encountered. To think it all lead to this.

"I guess you're right, not all of me came with you the day we resigned. I guess a part of me was always back there, wanting to continue the fight I fell in love with." He sighed, helding his breath. "Nyitzcha Sprengja, I foresake the vows that bind us and our rings."

Their rings shined bright one last time before fading away, leaving them a dull yellow tone as they slipped from their fingers now.

---

"Dat was dat. We packed his things de next day an' I never saw 'im again." Felix breathed in, holding back as she hugged his arm tight. "Sometimes I do hope he made it wherever he went, but I lack de courage to look fer 'im. Better to hope he still out there, happy as he once was. Love really bites when it hits ye hard, kid. Think long an' hard about dis death wish o'yers. Please."

He reached around and pulled her to him, holding her to his side as the two of them watched the fire spark and crackle. "I don't think I could ever be happy again without her. I'm sorry."

"Dun waste yer breath, I've had worse said t'me. 'Course ye wouldn't, I never expected ye to leave. Dun think anything I say could be 'nuff to convince ye." She nuzzled her head against his arm, closing her eyes. "I didn't get me happy ending, Felix. I tried makin' a soldier into a husband without askin' if he could. I lost de man I loved to war, but yer waging one over yer own love. If dis girl is worth dat to ye, den I will make it my mission to bring her safe to ye. Dats my promise to you."

He hugged her tight, rubbing her back and keeping her warm. She still smelled a bit like rum but he could ignore the scent she had on her for now, though it was strange and somewhat intoxicating. She sighed and hugged back, enjoying the contact and the feeling of being under his strong arms. Pulling back, they made eye contact before she pressed forward until their lips met. That warmth, the soft touch of his mouth against her own as he held her on his lap set a deep warmth coursing through her. Closing her eyes, she felt her hips gently start to rub and grind in little circles out of instinct when he pulled her back, breaking their kiss. She licked her lips and felt herself turning red, reaching for her empty flask and goggles before jumping off his lap.

"I'm sorry, dat was outta line. Y-Ye should be gettin' yer rest now, kid."

Felix stared back, trying to process what just happened as she looked back and smiled briefly before looking away. "Tell anyone bout dis an I'll kill ye. Oh, ye might be wantin' to put dat soldier at ease. Cheers."

He glanced down, finding the pitched tent in his pants and urgently covering up. She snickered and made her exit, entering her tent leaving him struggling to hide his own. Just then, he heard a pair of soft paws approaching him from behind when Zimi called out to him.

"There you are, how are you feeling? Alma decided to lend you an extra five minutes, but it's time to g-" She froze, her eyes darting to his erection as he attempted to cross his legs. "Oh."

"I am so sorry!" He cried out in mid panic, thankful he still wore pants. "It'll go down, just... damn."

"Subject appears flustered and eager for mating, inexplicably aroused based on observation."

"It's not inexplicable, and please stop talking like that." He groaned, closing his eyes.

"Perhaps play with yourself until you achieve ejaculation. Don't ask for help now. Let's go." She folded her paws, standing still. He gave her a look and she shrugged. "What? You'll be doing this at the camp under cover. Too many Nekomata's approaching mating season to risk you strutting your stuff."

He groaned, "I hate you, Nyitzcha."