A showdown with your boss

From the moment you woke up the next morning, you knew that it would be a momentous day. You just didn't know if it would be good momentous or bad momentous. Having slept over at Carrie's during the work week before last night, you have an extra set of work appropriate clothes ready to go. Carrie, who had already awoken before you, kisses you in a send off of good luck, and in fifteen short minutes you're at Simmons.

Wanting to wait until the end of the day for your confrontation with Ted, you distract yourself with some busy work. While you are anxious about dealing with Ted, you also want to talk to Mary about her swinging proposition. However, by 9:30 a.m. it's becoming quite obvious to you that Mary isn't showing for work today. You hope that your awkward interaction yesterday wasn't the cause, so you decide to text Mary and ask if her if she's alright.

J: Hey. You feeling okay?

You get back to work awaiting an response, but none comes. It isn't until just after lunchtime that your phone buzzes. Checking it, you notice your loving girlfriend Carrie has texted you.

C: Just finished meeting with Helen. I think it went well. We can discuss how we're going to fuck Helen into oblivion after work at my place.

J: Great. See you tonight. Love you.

C: Love you too. You're going to do great.

While you're fiddling with your phone, you check your conversation with Mary and see the dreaded "Read." Damn. You're going to have to deal with that tomorrow, but for right now, you need to get through this work day and deal with Ted.

By the time that 5:00 p.m. rolls around, you've managed to be semi-productive all things considered. You've scheduled some meetings, typed up some emails, and even finished up a couple of documents. Taking a deep breath and figuring that you might as well get this over with, you walk over to Ted's office. You knock twice, and once you hear a gruff and muffled 'Come in' you enter and begin the most important conversation you've had at Simmons.

"John," Ted says, the hint of a sneer in his tone. "I'm surprised that you're still here. I figured you would have jetted off early like you always do."

"Ted, Ted, Ted..." you say, sitting down in the guest chair whilst trying to project as much confidence and power you can muster. "I know what you've been doing here at Simmons."

Unfortunately, Ted manages to stay cool from your first barb, replying "Do you? And what is it you think that I've done. Because all I've been doing is carrying this department on my back, while you've coasted by and barely contributed."

All you can do is laugh, and you let out a little chuckle. Ted's eyes narrow in response, and before he can respond you speak out, interrupting him, "I'm talking about your rolling bonus, of course. And how you financially benefit from getting rid of employees every single year while placing more of a burden on those who remain."

Unimpressed, Ted just raises his eyebrow and asks, "So? That bonus is both perfectly legal and within the bounds of my employment contract. Why act like it's some hidden sin that you think I've committed. Anyways, since I'm by far the most important employee in this department, it is only right that I reap the rewards."

"I know it's perfectly above board, Ted. I'm just letting you know that, since I researched the requirements of the bonus, that I'm going to be taking it a little easier at work from now on. Easy enough that you won't be able to reach your necessary quotas. Unless you do something for me."

"Really?" Ted replies, derision in his voice. "You're going to tell me that you're going to not work as hard, and you expect to keep your job? No, I don't think so, John. There's not a single reason for you stick around anymore. You're f-"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," you interject, capturing the flow of conversation back from Ted. "Because if you fire me," you say, desperately thinking of a way for Ted not to fire you. You know that if he did fire you, he would be gone by the end of the week due to contingencies you put into place. But that didn't help you get Helen. "If you fire me, Mary will quit as well in solidarity. And since you know that the two of us do over 75% of the work, there is no way that you'll be able to maintain your quotas to earn your bonus." You hope that Mary won't mind you bringing her name into the conversation, but you're distraught. And as Carrie always says, any price was worth it if it got a woman into your bed. Seems like your girlfriend has definitely rubbed off on you.

Ted just glares at you while thinking through his options. "What proof do you have that Mary will quit as well? I know the two of you are close, but there is no way that she can afford to lose this job."

"Well," you reply, confident that Ted was beginning to fall into your snare. "There's a reason she wasn't at work today." Suddenly, your phone buzzes. You instinctively check it, and see that it is a text from Mary. You pull it up, and after reading it you can barely restrain a chuckle. "And here's some more proof for you," you announcing, proffering up your phone.

M: Hey, sorry for not responding right away. I just want you to know that my offer was serious, and I hope you sincerely consider it.

Ted leans back into his chair, a disgruntled expression on his face. "You know," he says, struck by a smidge of inspiration. "I can just hire new employees to take your place. And since I'll be able to pay them entry level salaries, it'll still be cheaper than hanging on to you two."

"You could," you reply, confidence in your demeanor. "But are you sure that you'll be able to train them and Summer quickly enough to save your bonus, especially without your two best employees? I'm betting on no, but the decision is yours. "

You sit with Ted in silence for over a minute. Ted, clearly deep in thought, is ignoring you now while staring off into distance. Finally, he breaks out of it and asks you, "So. What is it you want? A cut of the money?"

"Heavens no!" you answer, barely holding in a laugh for the second time. "Unfortunately, there is nothing that you can offer me yourself."

Ted shoots up in anger, rising to his feet as he leans over his desk to chew you out, speaking in a heated tone. "There's nothing I can do? Then why the fuck are you threatening me?"

"Now now, Ted. You should be quiet. There's still a couple stragglers here at the office." You pause and smirk, but move to continue talking as a bulging vein appears on Ted's forehead. "I should elaborate, however. You, yourself are not capable of giving me what I want. Only your lovely wife Helen can give me what I want."

"What?" Ted is so shocked by your request that he can barely form a response.

"I'm saying, that if you want to keep your cash cow yearly bonus for keeping costs low, you're going to need to give your wife to me, for one night." You fiddle around in your pocket and pull out a business card with the address of the Riverside motel scribbled on the back. Placing it on his desk, you give Ted a long look and give him your parting words, "It's up to you Ted. Either ignore this conversation and deal with losing a little bit of money, or tell your wife to head to this motel tonight at 7:00 p.m."

Before Ted can formulate a retort, you retreat, heading back to Carrie's to prepare for what will hopefully be your second threesome. You just hope that the **** was effective enough.