What the hell... stream true crime

You look at Carol with her pleading dark eyes and just don't have the heart to go through with your plans. You can't fuck her and dump her and you can't just walk away.

Besides, as you think about it, there's a possible silver lining. Carol wants to be an investigator, right? Well, you have a problem that needs investigating.

"First of all, Carol, I think you're very sexy. So stop worrying about your looks."

"But... I'm fat."

"Tastes are changing. People don't go for skinny women as much as they used to... we're used to women who have bodies."

"Easy for you to say, you're skinny."

Scrawny is more like it.

"Here's the deal, Carol," you say. "There are a zillion podcasts and a zillion and one streams about pretty blondes murdered sometime in the seventies. And you're right, neither of us is hot enough to stand out from that crowd. We've got to do something different... something that will stand out as original content."

"But--"

"I get that you're fascinated by girls who vanished, boyfriends who proclaim their innocence, and rapists driving around in white panel vans and persuading bikini girls to join them in the back of the van. But, like I said, all of those cases have been done until listeners are... not sick of it but sated. Here's the thing, though. There are crimes going on that are even more serious and that are kept secret."

"I'm not interested in white collar crime."

You lower your voice. "I'm talking about conspiracies."

She looks hopeful. "Like the Illuminati?"

"Well, maybe. All I know is that there's something going on... something strange. Because when I started talking about streaming, all of a sudden it was like I'd awakened something dangerous."

Carol gives you a funny look. "Hate to say it but that just sounds paranoid. Are you sure you aren't a Republican?"

"Uh, independent."

She sighs. "Look, there's a reason the missing blonde is a recurring theme. People care about people, not about secret organizations."

"Lots of people cared about The Da Vinci Code."

"Fine. Put together a story and we can talk about it. Until then, I'm not interested."

You're pretty sure she's also not interested in sex which was the whole reason you're here. Still, you're convinced that there really is a conspiracy somewhere and you suspect that Carol has the free time to chase down the leads.

"I'll do that, Carol. Because I think there really is something important here... something criminal. And something that you can help with."

"Sure. E-mail me the info and I'll look into it. Right now, you've got nothing."

"I don't suppose..."

She shakes her head. "No, I'm not giving you another blowjob."

"I'll take a raincheck on that because I'm pretty sure you're going to be changing your tune once you look into the whole conspiracy."

"Prove me wrong."

"I'll do that."

Well, that wasn't very satisfactory. Still, you didn't lead her on and you don't feel like a complete jerk, which is exactly how you would have felt if you'd banged her and dumped her. Full credit for not being an asshole. You're less comforted than you think you should be.