Couples Therapy - Part 4

TONY: -We are Tony and Emma. We’ve been a couple for eleven years and got married eight years ago.

EMMA: -We are from England, and we both work as English teachers. We've only lived here for ten months. By the way, thanks to all of you for accepting doing this session in English. We are still struggling with Spanish and Catalan. We are learning two new languages at once... Plus, we lived in Lisbon for ten years, and learned Portuguese. They're all romance tongues, therefor kind of similar to each other, so it gets a bit confusing. It's embarrassing, because we're both language teachers...

CASALI: -No problem. The same happened to me when I arrived. Do you work together?

EMMA: -No, but we used to. We met when we were both teaching at a language school in Lisbon. Last year he started working for the British Council, and they offered him to come to Barcelona, so we moved here. He teaches there and I work at a private school.

CASALI: -So you met as coworkers and fell in love? Interesting. Not many do that anymore. Everybody is too afraid of being accused of sexual harassment... Was it love at first sight?

TONY: -It was! On her first day at the school, she asked me if I knew how to use the photocopy machine. And when I saw her, I thought “Oh, my goodness, she’s so pretty! I want to marry this girl!”.

CASALI: -Ooh, how sweet...

EMMA: -What I didn’t tell him until several months later is that I absolutely knew how to use the photocopy machine, but used it as an excuse to talk to him, because I saw him at the teacher’s room and thought he was super hot. Hahaha…

CASALI: -Well done! Hahaha... And how is your sex life?

TONY: -Initially, we found out that we had a great understanding for sex. We don’t always like the same things, but we used to have a lot of fun. But, lately, we both have the sensation that things are getting stale in bed. We love each other, but our sexual life is starting to feel kind of boring.

EMMA: -And not because we don’t feel attracted to each other. It’s just that we’ve been together for a long time, and sex has become a routine.

CASALI: -This happens to many couples. Do you ever try new things, to spice things up?

TONY: -Well, that’s the problem. We have different opinions about what to try. I had some ideas, but she didn’t like them. So I feel a bit afraid of suggesting anything else, because I don’t want her to think that I’m a pervert.

EMMA: -I don’t think you’re a pervert, darling. It’s just that some of your ideas are a bit much for me. So then I feel like I’m a boring nun and I’m not satisfying my husband…

CASALI: -In other words, both of you feel guilty and are worried about what your spouse will think of you. That has a good side and a bad one. The good thing about it is that you care about each other. The bad one, is that your differences generate frustration in both of you.

<<After talking to all eight of you individually, I can tell you that you are all in a comparable situation. Each with its own nuances, but fairly similar in essence. You all were sincere with me about your feelings over different sexual practices, and I ask you to do the same today. By sharing our opinions, we will be able to demolish some mental barriers and move forward.

<<Tony and Emma, let’s start by talking about something that you both like. You both told me that you enjoy a certain thing that you do as foreplay. You know what I mean? The thing you Tony do when you want to put her in the mood for sex?

EMMA: -Oh, my goodness… Do we have to talk about that? It’s a bit embarrassing…

CASALI: -Nothing to be embarrassed about. I love it too. And it will be interesting for the other couples. Some of them have differences about that topic, and I think that hearing about your experience will be helpful for them.

EMMA: -Okay… I just have never talked about it, except with you during our webcam session…

TONY: -Come on, baby, don’t be shy. We came here to open up. Plus, it’s not that big a deal.

CASALI: -Well said. Go ahead, tell us about that thing that you both like so much.