What's in the package?

Diuretics

“They’re these special drinks I saw online and wanted to try out,” Vanessa says. “The reviews said they taste like a milkshake… They’re supposed to help boobs grow bigger.” She speeds up on the last part.

“They… what,” Lauren says, not quite sure she heard it right.

“They make your boobs grow bigger,” Vanessa saws with a sigh. “Laugh it up. Not everyone can naturally be a big-tittied beast like you.”

Lauren couldn’t help the snort that came out. A drink that makes your boobs grow? Yeah, right. She happens to catch sight of her ironing board of a chest in her vanity mirror and considers it for a moment. If there was such a thing, Vanessa would definitely be the one to find it. It couldn’t hurt to try one…

“So, sign for them please, but don’t drink any of them. They’re all mine,” Vanessa says. “After I drink all of them, I’m sure my boobs will be bigger than even yours.”

Lauren opens her mouth to respond but before she can the doorbell rings. “Lauren, it’s there, I just got the email! You’ve got to hurry and sign it quickly or they’ll return it!” Lauren starts to move, but then it clicks in her head. All she has on is a wet diaper – she can’t open the door like this!

She hears Vanessa freaking out through the speaker, pressuring her to get the door. Her eyes dart between her dresser and her bedroom door. “I can’t go outside like this,” Lauren says.

“What, are you naked or something?”

“… No!”

“Then what’s the problem?” The doorbell rings again. “Lauren, hurry up, before he leaves! When have I ever asked you for anything?”

“But-”

“I can’t believe I was worried about you when you won’t even sign for a package for me… You don’t even have to go outside, just crack open the door and take his clipboard.”

“Damn it, all right, Vanessa, I’m getting it,” Lauren says irritably. She can’t believe she’s doing it, but she rushes out of her room and down the stairs and finds herself at the front door in seconds flat. She can feel her heart pounding in her head when she cracks open the door and peeks her head out, being extra mindful to keep her body hidden behind the door. She sees a refrigerated truck and a cute man dressed in cargo shorts and a polo walking to it with a package.

She bites her tongue, debating about whether or not to speak. She could always just tell Vanessa she was too late, but that didn’t sit right with her for some reason. Ordinarily, she has no problem messing with Vanessa, but right now… after how concerned Vanessa sounded for her… could she do that to her?

“Wait,” Lauren yells. “Excuse me!” The man, who couldn’t be more than twenty-two years old, turned around and seemed annoyed. All the same, he still turns around and makes his way back. Lauren’s heart still thumped rapidly, hoping her door would keep her covered.

“I rang the bell like ten times, lady,” he says when he arrives.

“I was in the shower.” The delivery man noticeably perks up at that.

“Oh, yeah?” A goofy grin spread across his face and he scoots over just a bit, trying to peek behind the door. Lauren glares at him. “Well here, I just need you to come out here and sign this, and then this baby’s all yours,” he motions to a cardboard package.

“Just pass me the clipboard and I’ll sign it here,” Lauren reaching her free arm out the door.

“Come on, lady, I’ve got other deliveries today, can’t you just get out here and sign it. You already made me walk up and down this place twice.”

“No, I can’t,” Lauren snaps.

“What, your legs broken?”

“Because I’m not dressed,” Lauren yells. “Just walk the extra couple feet, give me the damn clipboard, and then you can go on your way. And don’t worry, I’ll be sure to let your company know how good you are at your job.” She rolls her eyes.

“Whoa, now, let’s not be crazy,” he says, passing her the clipboard. “See, no need to talk to anyone’s boss about anything, all right. We’re cool.” Lauren pulls the clipboard inside, signs it with a lot more **** than is necessary and holds it out the door. At this time, Lauren’s oversized diaper, which has been trying hard to stay up, finally accepts its defeat by gravity and falls, making a wet, soppy sound as it hits the floor. Lauren squeals, her eyes going wide and her face red.

“What was-”

Lauren drops the clipboard and shuts the door on him, hyperventilating. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.”

The sound of feverish laughter makes its way to her ear. Vanessa’s laughter. Lauren’s eyes return to her phone. She completely forgot she had it with her. “Shut up,” she yells into it.

“I thought you said you weren’t naked?”

“Shut up!”

“Did he see you?”

“Shut. Up.”

“I know it’s that time of year, but that’s a pretty generous tip, Lauren.”

“I’m going to leave your stuff outside.”

“No, wait, I’m sorry. It’s wasn’t funny,” Vanessa says, but Lauren can still hear her laughing to herself. Lauren rolls her eyes before she peeks out the door again. The box is sitting on her family’s welcome mat, and the delivery driver has his back toward her on his way back to his truck.

Lauren reaches out the door, doing her best to keep behind it, and pulls it inside after unknowingly flashing one of her nipples to the street. She closes the door with a sigh. “Happy, now?”

“Couldn’t be happier,” Vanessa’s voice chimes in. “Thanks, Lauren. Now just put it in the fridge and remember not to drink any of it. They’re all mine.” Lauren just hangs up the phone. After all the effort she put in to get them, if she wants one later, she’ll have one. Her phone starts to buzz again. And, of course, it’s Vanessa texting her: