Sitting alone in my room in a bundle of anxiety, getting worse by the minute

So, did I spend my day doing anything productive? Not at all. Usually I’d feel a little bad about this, but after the last 24 hours I really didn’t care. "Relaxing" didn’t feel particularly better though; In fact I just felt much worse as the day went on.

I lay in the dark for hours, trying to sleep but always having nightmares, then trying to research skinwalkers on my busted laptop but finding too much conflicting information, and none of it could help me. I had so much anxiety as I tried to work out what to do. It was clear I was looking worse with time. Sure, I was shaken up, but this seemed to be more. It was like my body had started breaking down, little by little.

Some of the things the skinwalker had said echoed around my head. That they’re driven by instinct. That the more time I spend outside of a skin, the more my body will begin to warp to look like a monster. That sooner or later, I’d be compelled to take a skin. I raised my hand and withdrew the spines from my fingertips, horrified that they came, hoping they wouldn’t, and that this had all been a dream. But seeing them I was reminded of just how real this was.

Where had the skinwalker gone after it turned me? Lisa’s skin had just been lying there. Did it head out in its natural form? Did it have another skin ready to get into, or had it just gone out confidently and turned the first person it had found into a skin? It didn’t sound very stealthy.

I was reminded of Lisa’s memories I’d felt inside me. Had it wanted me to put her on? Maybe it figured I’d get addicted to the feeling once I was in a skin. Although from the sounds of things, staying out of a skin forever was going to be impossible.

Similarly, as I could access her memories, could I change them? Maybe that’s how it went about claiming skins, safe in the knowledge if it was seen, it could just alter the memories of the preceding moments so it’s victim wouldn’t know what had happened once restored. It would go a long ways to explaining how such creatures could avoid becoming common knowledge all this time.

My anxiety fueled thoughts were eventually broken by the sound of pounding music and voices from the kitchen. Glancing at the clock, I could see it was already evening, the party was in full swing. I got up and threw on some jeans and my trainers. I didn’t have to get overly dressy for a party in my own house. Splashing some water on my face in an effort to somehow fix how dilapidated I was looking, I reached for my one bottle of vodka, opening it and just taking a swig from the bottle, then another. I’d better at least feel good if I was going to face the people at this party. The thought that any one of them could be the skinwalker rose unbidden to my mind and I took the biggest swig yet. No way I wanted to see that thing sober.

Once I was feeling decently lubricated, I went out into the kitchen. The place was packed! I knew that Alicia and Frank were popular, but I didn’t know they were this popular. Looking around, I was glad I couldn’t spot Lisa; I didn’t know what I’d say if I had ran into her tonight.

“Ahh bro, you made it!”

Looking over, I could see my best friend Jimmy, waving me over.

“I was worried since you never messaged about how last night went, but I would have been REALLY worried if you’d missed a party in your own house!”

He laughed, clearly in good spirits, and also I knew no doubt on good spirits as well; he had a bottle of rum in his hands he’d clearly just cracked into straight and from the bottle. Jimmy was a skinny guy with brown hair he kept shaved at the sides, but on top his natural curls came out. He was always wearing a flannel more or less, and similarly was more or less always a good friend. He could maybe drink a little much though.

“Oh haha, you’re drinking from the bottle too!”

He laughed, gesturing at my now half gone bottle of vodka.

“Uhmm yesh.”

I replied

“I jusht didn’t have any mixr”

Was I slurring my words that much already? I knew I wasn’t the heaviest drinker, and maybe I’d lost track of the amount of time and vodka that I’d had in my room as I tried to steel my nerves to come into my own kitchen, but this was bad even for me.

Jimmy seemed to sense how wasted I was and got a twinkle in his eye. “Too much” was always “not enough” around this guy.

“Come on, let’s play a game!”

He lead me over to a table surrounded by people, cards strewn around a cup filled with a horrible looking mix of drinks. Most of the cards were already turned over, face up.

“We want to play! My friend will go first”

Jimmy loudly announced. How brave to volunteer me first, I thought. The room was spinning a little. I’d felt fine a minute ago, but it was all starting to catch up to me. That’s what I got for drinking when all I’ve eaten in near 24 hours was charity food from some flatmates, I guessed.

“I don’t know the rules...”

I commented, my eyes wandering a little. I didn’t recognize most of the people around the table.

“Oh, it’s very simple. Even you will be able to grasp it.”

I recognized that voice at least. Looking up, I could see Jessica, another one of my flatmates. She was wearing a tight body con red dress that showed off her killer body well, although I thought it couldn’t quite make up for her seemingly always confrontational or smug attitude.

“Just pick up one of the cards there, and I’ll tell you what to do.”

She said dismissively. Okay, seems simple enough, I thought, what could go wrong? I picked up a card. It was the King of Hearts. A cheer came up from the table.

“Ohhh, talk about unlucky. That means you have to add some of your drink to that one in the middle and, unfortunately for you, drink the whole thing.”

Jessica was delighting in this. Screw it. I could absolutely do that! I’d been through so much over the last couple of days, what did it matter how much I drank now! The drink was probably clouding my brain, but who cared. All the **** was finally making me feel good. I splashed a liberal load of straight vodka and began ramming the mixed drink down the center down my throat to chanting cheers from all around. It tasted horrible, but at this point I was a little too gone to care.

Putting the emptied glass down on the table, I raised my arms and everyone cheered louder. I felt invincible! I was finally feeling good. I stumbled a little though, and felt supportive shoulders either side, on my left was Jimmy, and on my left… Alicia? That was a surprise. She smelled so good.

“How much has he had to drink?”

She called out, laughing.

“More than the whole world!”

I laughed. I was definitely going to cringe at saying that later, but for now I felt too incredible to care.

“Are you bad?”

Jimmy was asking Alicia now.

“No, I’m a lightweight, remember? I’ve only had two drinks.”

Two drinks had still put Alicia in such a great mood, honestly, I was really jealous. She was so happy all the time. She seemed to have the best relationship of anyone I knew, and was always having a good time. She never seemed to worry about anything. Maybe she was just lucky, the opposite of me. I felt myself becoming fixated on her in a way I’d never really been before. On top of all that, she was so beautiful. She was all natural, she had such a clean innocence about her, but from how happy and bedraggled her and Frank were most mornings I figured they weren’t exactly innocent in the bedroom.

“You should maybe sit down or something?”

Said Jimmy, growing a little concerned by how much my eyes were rolling about in my head. I think. I couldn’t really tell, the world was getting so blurry. I bet if I looked at the stars they’d look like a long exposure photograph. Laughing at my own thoughts got a look of **** concern from both of them. I could feel them starting to take me in the direction of the toilet, as I stumbled in between them. Before we were out the door, a smash was heard as a bottle fell to the ground over in the corner. I guess I wasn’t the only person getting obliterated tonight.

“I’ll get it!”

Offered Jimmy, taking note of how despairing the idea of cleaning up the bottle made Alicia.

“Would you? Thanks so much!” Alicia said as Jimmy peeled off.