Self Help in more ways than a Pep Talk

I told myself I'd only be posting two updates a week on this story, but I am simply having too much fun with this. I'm going to ride the high while this story keeps me excited, but don't be surprised when I inevitably get back on schedule. Hope you're loving it as much as I am!

Spookity xx <3

Now sitting in silence and dim light, your thoughts wander. How are you going to approach Penny? When? What will you say? You seethe and writhe, frustrated, trying to think of anything amidst the ten car pile-up of frantic thoughts running through your head. Trying to envision talking to Penny just foists one potential catastrophe after another into your mind, muddying your thoughts to the point of uselessness. It's the same with anything you try to do, really. You ****, too hung up on what-if's to let yourself even try.

Doffing your clothes for the evening, you look into the mirror one last time. Your own meek face staring back at you just stirs more frustration in your gut.

"Pssh. Look at you." Talking to yourself, are you? That's healthy. "You can do better. Is this the kind of guy you want Penny to be with? Even if you can't do better, she certainly can. She's not going to settle for someone like you just because you ask nicely."

They say we're our own worst critics. Maybe that's why your own words sting so much. "Is this the kind of person you want to be? Average? A nobody? Just blend into the background and slide through life without making any waves? What kind of life is that, huh?" You step toward the mirror, pointing sternly as if you're addressing someone besides yourself.

"And what's stopping you? Nerves? Fear? Consequences? No, man. What's stopping you is nothing more than laziness and a lack of self-respect. You could be someone amazing if you'd just let yourself. What good is the power you've been given if you don't use it? You could change the world and you're barely making an effort to change yourself!"

Like the turning of a key, something clicks into place in your mind. Looking down at your discarded pants, you see the cap of the marker poking up from the pocket. The marker you use to claim things by writing your name on them.

...

...It couldn't be that easy, could it? There's no way that would work.

You think back to Theresa. She obeyed any order you gave her, without question. More than that, the very idea of questioning your order never came up. Her body did as you said without asking her permission or taking her opinion into consideration. She couldn't even physically cry if you told her not to. Couldn't rise from her bed without your explicit say-so.

Before you were aware of it, you had walked over to your pants, marker now in hard.

...Hell. Even if it doesn't work, or just gives you a placebo effect, what's the harm in trying? You pop the cap off the marker, touch tip to skin, and write your name on your own arm. You stare at the ink for a moment... but don't really feel anything. Oh, well.

Looking back at yourself in the mirror, you resume your pep talk. "Alright. Tomorrow, you're going to talk to Penny Whitaker. That's... that's an order. You're going to stick to the workout routine Theresa laid out for you, like you promised. You're going to be braver, more confident, and you're not going to settle for average anymore." Pause. "And wash your damn face in the morning, you look a mess."

Chuckling softly, you resolve to listen to your own words of advice, cosmic compulsions or not. Sure, you feel a bit silly, but letting a few of your own discrepancies out in the open felt rather freeing. You let out loud, tired sigh as you crawl into bed.

"Hah....fuck. I'm gonna crash and burn tomorrow. At least everyone can enjoy the light show."

Your eyes snap open. What time is it?! A cold shock runs through you as you look at the nightstand clock, seeing that it's... phew. It's a good half an hour before your alarm. Amazingly, you don't feel the overwhelming needs to lie back down and reclaim those few minutes of sleep. Your thoughts are clear, mind wide awake. Weird. Not a big deal, though, just gives you time to relax and ease into getting ready for school.

Taking your time in the shower, you pay special attention to your face and hair, making sure you look halfway decent for once. And hey, look at you! A proper brushing and that rat's nest of hair you've got doesn't look bad at all. A good night's sleep has eased the baggage under your eyes, too. Nice.

You notice it in the mirror, but look down at your arm to see where you'd written your name. Huh. Why hadn't that come off in the shower? Unconcerned, you shrug and give yourself a stern finger-waving. "Now don't forget what I told you, buddy. Orders are orders." You casually salute to your reflection and... yep, you're officially insane. Let's not make a habit of having these one-sided conversations.

Once dressed, you trot downstairs to find your mother in the kitchen as usual, nursing coffee. She's already changed into her workout attire, and your eyes reflexively flick up and down her frame. Funnily enough, she does the same to you, grinning a little.

"Hey there, tiger. What's the occasion? You're not wearing that for the morning run, are you?" Oh shit, that's right, you completely forgot when picking out clothes for the day! Whoops. It's fine, just play it off like you did it on purpose.

"No jog today Mom, sorry. I'm gonna get to school a bit early, give myself time to settle my nerves before... well, I promised Tess that I'd try to talk to Penny today."

"Penny, is that the girl you like? I would imagine so... but wow, a promise? You'd better do it or your sister won't let you live it down." She smiles at you, a complex expression shifting across her face. "Well, good luck, sweetie. I'm sure it'll be fine. Better you spend your morning with some cute young thing than your boring old mother."

Why does she always have to put herself down like that? You frown a bit, sitting next to at the table. "Mom, I keep telling you, you're not boring, and you're not old."

"That's kind of you to say, sweetie, but you don't have to humor me, really."

"I mean it!" Jeez, what do you have to say to make it clear to her? "This might be a bit weird, so sorry in advance, but if I saw a woman like you across the way in a bar, I wouldn't think you a day over 25, and your age certainly wouldn't be the first question on my mind."

Your mother looks away, letting out a cheerful laugh as she pats your knee. "Goodness me, baby, don't get a woman's hopes up!" You know the laugh of someone tickled by flattery, and you can't help but grin at the positive response. "I'm sure Teddy will be just thrilled to know he still needs to beat the horny young college boys off with a stick from getting at his wife." Chin resting in her hand, she can't bear to look at you for more than a second, aftershocks of a good laugh making her chest wobble invitingly.

"And just what would you know about seeing women at a bar anyway, young man?" The motherly tone was there, but the playful smile kept the mood light. You raise your hands in surrender, chuckling softly.

"Just a hypothetical, Mom, I'm a good boy."

"Yes you are," she says, leaning in to give you a tender peck on the cheek. "A good boy who knows how to cheer up his dear old mom. Thank you, baby. Your love means the world to me."

After sharing a warm, soft hug, you enjoy breakfast and some pleasant conversation with Mom before you scamper off to school. Despite your nerves, you have a good feeling about today.

Shameless and hopeless creep that you are, you have a pretty good idea of when Penny gets to school. She takes the bus, so you've probably got a few minutes to gird yourself, depending on traffic. The front foyer is already jam packed with other students who have, in their infinite brilliance, chosen to congregate and socialize in the middle of the school's major thoroughfare. You're no better than they, navigating the sea of young bodies to find one of the few people you can truly depend on.

"Dylan! Dylaaaaan!"

Swimming through the crowd, you always find a strange aura of peace around your near life-long buddy, Dylan. Messy brown hair, mellow eyes and a perpetual dimpled grin, the guy just oozes chill. You would swear he was high as a kite at all hours of the day if you didn't know for a fact that his asthma wouldn't stand for it. Baggy clothes on a lanky body and a slouching posture, you had your very own Shaggy Rogers to hang out with.

" 'Sup, Gavvy-man?" He gives you a fist bump before his fingers disappear again into those baggy pants pockets of his. "What's got you all pressed and folded today, bud? You look like you've got a job interview."

"Something like that," you admit, rubbing the back of your neck. You're not too cleaned up, are you? Nah, it's fine, just a fresh shirt and a proper hair brushing. Maybe you're standing a little straight or something. "I kinda promised my sister that I'd—"

"Hold up one second. Your sister? Why would you promise your sister anything? She hates your guts, man."

You grimace, but can't fault him for thinking so. "Didn't I tell you we made up over the weekend?"

"Yeah, but I figured that just meant she was blackmailing you or something."

"No, we actually made up, for real. A-ny-way, jackass, I promised Tess that I would talk to... to Penny today."

Dylan's head craned up. "Penny? Like, that Penny, your Penny, the only Penny you haven't shut up about for two years?"

You feel your ears catch on fire and know they must be bright red. "No Dylan, I'm gonna ask out Lincoln on a copper coin. Yes, that Penny! She's the only Penny I even know!"

"Saying you know her is a bit of a stretch..."

"Aw, fuck you, dude." You both chuckle a little and sigh. "But who knows? Maybe by today I really will know her? I did promise Tess, and she'd **** the hell out of me if I balked on my word."

"Uh-huh... yeah." Dylan leans to the side, losing focus on the conversation. "So, uh... when exactly do you plan on making this daring leap, anyway?"

"Huh? I dunno... the sooner the better, I guess. Shouldn't give myself time to chicken out."

"Alright, cool." Dylan pats your shoulder and points behind you. "You think now's a good time?"

Your head nearly swivels off your neck as you spin to look. There she was. You saw her every day, albeit from a distance, but today you were acutely aware of her every feature. Wavy auburn hair flowed down her back, veiled over a modest cream blouse that tugged against her shoulders. Jeans were the only thing anyone wore if it wasn't shorts or skirts in the warmer seasons, but hers were perfectly pristine; no cuts or frayed patches. They hugged her round hips, shapely thighs, and plump bubble butt just so, making it utterly hypnotizing to watch her walk away.

...Wait. Walk away? No, not away! Away bad! You mutter something vaguely word-like to Dylan, catching your legs propelling you forward well before you gave them the order. You're pretty sure he said something encouraging, but it was all quickly lost to the murmuring crowd of students filling the space between you.

Oh God, this is really happening, isn't it? First thing in the morning and you're about to make an utter fool of yourself in front of the most wonderful girl in school! How are you going to survive the rest of the day?!

No. Hold on. Remember what you told yourself: Brave. Confident. Those were your orders, and you can't disobey, so get to it!

"P...Pe-..." The word dies in your throat, but you keep marching forward, hand reaching out as you close the gap between the two of you. "Pe-e-e-..."

You can feel sweat budding on your forehead. Your breaths are quick and useless, getting no precious oxygen to your brain or your fingertips. Everything is numb, your mouth is dry, and thoughts leave you dizzy with worry. You can't do this, there's no way. You've been too nervous to even get close to her, what makes you think you're going to—

"Penelope Whitaker!"

You freeze. A few others nearby do as well, heads spinning toward the jarring noise. Worst of all, Penny also jumps, slowly wheeling around to see who called out her full name. You wonder a bit yourself, who would be so bold. Your mind is slow to catch up, firing off thousands of crisscrossed signals trying to makes sense of what happened two seconds ago. The ceaseless flow of traffic moves around you, not interested in your shout, and those who were initially startled move on soon as well.

Penny, though... she's looking right at you with a calm but curious expression. Pausing her march toward class, she takes a couple of steps toward you, looking over your stunned, dumbstruck features. Time stops as you breathe her in, recounting each wonderful thing that had drawn you to her in the first place. Penny's hair frames her face perfectly, a decadent tangle of rivulet red lines accenting her soft features. The way her glasses make her vibrant green eyes look even larger above her adorable button nose and smooth, pouty lips almost make her seem otherworldly; enchanting like the elves of fantasy. Unlike those svelte creatures, Penny's figure swells out, sporting a tantalizingly full bustline, tapered waist, and some very round hips that your fingers demand to hold onto someday. Her tum isn't completely flat, as expected of someone with a naturally larger frame, but no one would dare call her fat. She was perfect, if only to you, though you held every bit of confidence that you weren't alone in that opinion.

Her voice is gentle, but loud enough to ring over the noise. "Did you call me? Is something the matter?"

Swallowing, you somehow dislodge your voice from the concrete grinding in your throat. "Y-Yeah! Um, sorry... I was just trying to get your attention."

She smiles a little, though you can tell she's not perfectly comfortable in front of you. "Well... Penny is enough, for starters. Only my Dad still uses my whole name. You made me think I was in trouble!"

You recognize that as a joke, but you're too stiff to laugh. "Right, sorry again." OhMyGodThisIsHappening!!!! "Um... I'm Gavin."

"Hi, Gavin."

"Hi, Penny... Listen, ah..."