Overwhelmed

The two doctors enter once again. The woman starts speaking, this time you are not asked to leave. She starts by going trough everything that has happened since Alex was admitted. When arriving his head was put trough a CT-scan (x-ray) that showed nothing out of the ordinary. They tested him for **** but everything came back negative. After that they did extensive bloodtest that all came back normal. The EEG and the gastroscopy also showed nothing out of the ordinary. The doctor continues to explain that they believe that Alex seizure was caused by a combination of stress, anxiety, malnutrition and sleep deprivation. She continues to explain that he will probably never have a seizure again in his life as long as these factors are treated. In order to do this Alex will be prescribed some antianxiety medication, some pills to help with his nausea and some sleeping pills. He is also to meet with a psychiatrist in a few days that is specialized in stress management and he will be called back too the neurological department for a follow up in about a month. Lastly and most importantly she advice Alex that he shouldn't continue working and studying full time. Rather he should pick one for the time and focus on that and make sure he is well rested. If not then he is sure to have another seizure.

You are both asked if you have any questions but neither of you do, at least not that you care to voice. You are told that you are free to leave whenever you are ready. Then you are left alone together once more.

For a brief moment you feel the weight of your worry and guilt lift. Knowing that Alex doesn't have some form of horrible disease and instead is just severely overworked and stressed. Well it's not good but at least it's something that can be dealt with. Alex however looks like he was just told he was going to die, his face is forming a mask of hopelessness and his eyes seem to stare straight into a dark abyss. You give your baby bump a gentle stroke. Time for mommy and daddy to deal with their problems!

"Alex?" You say softly. Inviting him to speak. Yet Alex choose to ignore you, electing instead to wallow in his despair. You actually start getting angry. He has received good news about his health yet he acts like this? You **** yourself to be calm, nothing good will come out of you starting to yell at him.

"Alex?" You repeat as you sit down on his bed directly in his field of vision. Alex continues to stonewall you. You however are undeterred by receiving the silent treatment.

"Alex, please talk to me." You implore him. You put a hand on his leg and caress it trough the blanket. After a few seconds of silence he finally speaks.

"I'm sorry." He says in a distraught half-whisper. You respond by moving up siting next to him. "I'm sorry that i'm so useless." he exclaims. You grab his arm and put it around yourself and then pull him into your comforting embrace. "I'm sorry that..."

"Schhh" You gently shush him. "That's enough" You say softly as you gently stroke his back.

"I'm sorry being such a worthless piece of shit. A damn looser that can't do anything right. I'm the kind of piece of shit that can't even provide for his own family. I'm sorry for being such a pathetic piece of garbage. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." He is shaking in your arm as he keeps rambling. You let him continue venting his self loathing, patiently waiting for him to finish. Finally he runs out of words. You continue to hold him close as he tries and fails not to sob.

After a little bit of Alex half-crying you pull put of your embrace slightly, allowing you to sit face to face with him. "Can i have a go now?" You ask as you stare into his eyes. You take his snivel as a yes. "Alex lets be frank: you are working yourself to **** trying to study and working what can i can only describe as a dead end below minimum wage apprenticeship gig that your father got you as a way to punish you. Your salary doesn't provide anything to our living expenses at the moment, i pay for all that." You stare at him as you deliver your cold hard facts. Alex is unable to meet your eyes. "I'm sorry" is all he manages to say.

"I know you are sorry Alex. What i want to know is do you want to start making things better?" He nods in reply. "Good. Here is what i wan't you to do, are you listening?" You receive another nod. "Firstly you are going to do exactly what the doctors told you to do, starting with quitting your job. Then you are going to take your medications the doctors prescribed and you are going to go to every single appointment. You are going to tell them everything that's wrong during these appointments and you are going to use the advice they give. In short you are going to do everything you have to to not have another seizure, alright?" You calmly instruct him.

"And what about when the baby arrives then what? If i can't deal with working and studying then how the fuck am i going to handle being a father?" His voice is mostly angry now. His rage is directed at himself and his own perceived inadequacy. You place your hand at the back of his neck and gently stroke him to try and calm him a bit. "The difference is that you won't have to deal with parenthood alone. We will share that burden as best we can, alright? I already plan on taking at least one semester of in order to stay home with the baby." You explain with continued calm.

"So i'm just supposed to dump that onto you? **** you to put your life on hold to take care of our child while i leave for college?" He asks, his voice filled with frustration. Your rage suddenly explode inside you. "My life on hold?! What kind of reasoning is that?!" You retort unable to hide your anger. "I happen to look forward to being home and spending time with our child. You might not have realized this idiot but i actually want to be a mother!" He flinches at your sudden outburst. "And if you are really worried about dumping shit on me then how about you don't go killing yourself?!" You rage on at him. Alex looks down in shame.

Your emotions are bubbling, rage, worry, love, guilt, sadness, all in a great big cauldron that is boiling over. You start weeping. "When you collapsed i have never been more afraid in my life. I thought i might lose you because i was stupid and yelled." Now it's Alex turn to embrace you. You are allow his strong arms to envelope you. You really want to punch him in the face. You shiver despite being pressed into his warm body. You hug him back. "Please promise me to never let that happen again." You snivel as you cling to him. "I promise" he whisper, sounding like he is about to cry as well. "We'll get trough this together, alright? i'll help you get better, just promise you'll try." you ramble. "I promise." he promises.

You continue hugging for a bit. Letting your boiling emotions be calmed by your loving embrace. You missed being this close to him, his warmth, his smell, his strong yet soft body holding you just the right way. It feels incredibly good to be intimate with him once more after all those weeks. You silently vow to never allow it to be this long without physical affection between the two of you ever again. You smile as you realize that it's having an effect on Alex to. His muscles starts to relax as you feel his hopelessness leaving him. You continue to hold onto him, trying to squeeze out all of his worried emotions. He should think everything will be fine as long as he got his girl supporting him. Yet there seem to be something that lingers, something that won't leave no matter how hard you try. After a good while Alex finally voices the reason.

"How do i tell my dad?" He asks. Of course that's what got him down. You gently pull out of his embrace and meet his eyes. "Don't you worry about our parents, i will deal with all of them." You state firmly. It looks like he is about to start arguing but he thinks better of it. 'Good' you think to yourself as you fall back into his arms.