Accidents Galore

“You wanted to see me?” You ask as you enter the war room.

“Yes,” Strabo said before turning his eyes to a woman that had been standing off to the side. “What do you think?” he asked and the woman marched forward. You blink a few times as you take in the sight. The woman was wearing a maroon brigandine with large pauldrons, braces that had articulated panels protecting her elbows and articulated thigh guards for her thighs. Underneath her brigandine was a dark coloured gambeson and protecting her head was a helmet that looked like one of those helms the Polish winged hussars used. The ‘lobster-tail helm’ or some such. It was a domed helmet with an extended peak riveted onto the front, cheek guards hanging from either side, a comb ran from the peak across the top of the helmet and down to the back where it met the lobster-tail neck guard. The ‘lobster-tail’ was a series of overlapping plates riveted on to each other forming a tail-like piece at the back of the helm.

Taking a cursory look at the rest of her outfit, you noticed the sword which was starting to look more like an arming sword than a spatha. Her shield was also different in that the centergrip had been removed in favour of leather straps, strapping the woman’s arm to the shield.

“It’s a brigandine” you say, somewhat surprised.

“A what? It hasn’t really been named yet, but I knew your armour design had to be changed” Strabo said.

“Oh?” you asked, turning to face the man.

“Are we just gonna skip over that we’re basically using women to model our armour and equipment?” asked one of Strabo’s retinue.

“Yes” you reply distractedly as you turn back to the armour.

“I took your armour design around to a handful of different smiths, but I was not liking by the time I got to the third” Strabo explained “When I showed him the armour and asked if he could make it, the man blanched” Strabo continued “So I knew I had to change your absurdly overeager design” he finished.

“I’m honestly jealous I didn’t think of this” you mutter as you feel up the brigandine. It was covered in canvas with a uniform texture to it. If you didn’t already know that a brigandine was made of metal plates riveted onto a cloth fronting, you’d never have guessed and touching it merely made you think it was totally solid. It also helped that the armour molded to the woman’s shape nicely, so she’d be more comfortable which was good considering she appeared to be well endowed.

“I decided I may as well not stop there, and completely changed everything about everything you’ve touched” Strabo commented idly “Strapping the shield to the arm fits better in my opinion, the strapping itself can be customised to suit the role, just like the armour” he continued.

“This is why I put you in charge of these things” you say as you take a step back from the woman. You also note that she’s trying very hard not to blush.

“That will be all now” Strabo commanded and the woman visibly sagged in relief before all but bolting from the room.

“Probably not fair to the women to continue using them as display pieces” You mutter.

“They volunteered” Strabo shrugged and the two of you left the room as well.

“That new armour style will be so much more valuable than anything I’d thought up myself” you comment as the logistical part of the armour flitted through your mind.

“Yes, I agree” Strabo replied “Using plates, we can customise the shape to the soldier in the field, and even repair or replace damaged plates in the field, the canvas is cheap enough and the fabric is merely treated with linseed oil” Strabo explained.

“I do feel like an idiot for not thinking of that, got too hung up on steel production I guess” you comment.

“Father!” came the vibrant cry of Cattleya as the bundle of teenage joy catapulted itself into a glomp. You chuckle as you hug your adoptive daughter back and wonder exactly how you didn’t notice her until she was almost literally on top of you.

“How are you little Cat?” you ask and the girl pulled out the hug to stare at you.

“Busy!” she huffed, putting her hands on her hips and pouting at you. You frown as you wonder what you’ve done wrong recently. “Soooomeone created a silk industry while I wasn’t looking” The girl drawled. The look she was giving you made it clear that the someone was you. “Because there just so haaaaaaaaapens to be a clam out there with silk lining on the inside'' she drawled sarcastically, and you remember that talk you had with Fortuna what seemed like months ago. “Not only that but there’s also now a massive pearl industry as well and all the fishermen are eating boiled clam for breakfast and they’re grounding the shell into powder and mixing it with metal to make steel and and and-” Cattleya stopped here to such in a breath. “How the blazes did you make a clam that spawned four different industries out of thin air?!?!?!” she exclaimed, arms waving around for dramatic effect.

You can only stare at the girl as the ramifications of what you did are rammed home.

“They’re crushing the clam shells into powder?” you ask quietly.

“Yes! Apparently it makes good steel when combined with cast iron or something” Cattleya replied. You blink once, twice, three times.

“Whoops?” You say. Cattleya recoils like she’s been struck and stares at you with a look of abject horror.

“That . . .” she tries, swallowing a couple times before trying again. “That was accidental?” she asked. You can only nod.

“I only wanted the silk” you say sheepishly. Cattleya put her face in her hands and groaned loudly.

“Father, I love you, but you’re an idiot” she said, taking her head out of her hands to give you a look of weary exasperation.

“I can agree,” Strabo commented.

“And you brutus?” You gasp in mock horror.

“I have no idea what that references,” Strabo replied.

“It’s a play written by a guy sometime in the future based on Julius Caesar” you say and Strabo nods.

“Maybe you should write it yourself, I hear you’re a good hand at it” Strabo comments and Cattleya groans again.

“Please don’t get me started on the dramatic reading market” the girl begs. “They are selling places in the amphitheater now and it’s still sold out months in advance. Apparently, dramatic readings of ‘The Elder Scrolls’ are so popular that narrators are paying through the nose to get a copy so they can read on the street” the girl told you and you blink “Oh gods!” the girl exclaimed “You did that totally on accident as well didn’t you?!” she asked. Your sheepish look was all the answer she needed. “I need a drink” the girl muttered before practically floating away.

“I don’t blame her,” Strabo grunted.

“I need to stop messing around with trade” you mutter. At least the stripclub can’t come back to haunt you.

“Solus!” called a very enthusiastic Tevron. “We just built a brand new bath house that uses a super advanced system to heat the water!” the man was practically vibrating on the spot.

“Please don’t say it please don’t say it please don’t say it” you pray under your breath.

“They figured out that if you replace the iron in those blast furnaces with water, you can turn it into high pressure steam and do a whole tonne of stuff with it!” Tevron exclaimed with glee. You groan into your hands. You accidentally invented the steam engine.