The actual Beatrice, obviously!!

I went into this settling for her tiny usurper, but how could I turn down the actual, honest-to-God, name-brand Beatrice? I'd have to turn in my Witch Hunter membership. With just this simple set up, I've gotten her to work with me in a story where I make the rules... You're a bird in my cage, Beatrice, and I have a very entertaining song for you to learn before I let you fly free.

I didn't say any of that, of course. Ahem. Beatrice is Beatrice, all praise to her. I'm not the kind of human who needs to be convinced to say it.

"Ho! This one has a better head on his shoulders than I imagined!" Beatrice seemed to be put in a good mood by this, wrapping an arm around my shoulders chummily. She might have been more worried about her selection than she'd let on... "Let's hope this game of yours will help stave off boredom for a short while... Furthermore, perhaps a change of pace is just what I need to put that horse's ass Battler on his knees once and for all, kuhuhu...!"

"What are you laughing about, idiot?" EVA asked her, smiling dangerously. "Now that I've seen Player make such a dumb choice, I'm finally sure: I just dodged a bullet. Luckily, I wisely stood out of the way and let you write your own ****. Hitching all of your hopes, your title and your very existence to a dumb hick worthless shit of a writer like this... You're even stupider than you look, Predecessor! I'll keep your seat warm for you when you get back... But, please, let me know if you decide to give up and die instead, okaaay?"

"Hmph. Don't rise to her provocations," Beatrice told me (not that I needed to be told; I'd pretty much gotten use to EVA's verbal **** by this point). "You have chosen wisely, and I believe you will find this evening of entertainment a worthy reward for your faith! I have said all who acknowledge me and praise my name have been rewarded, have I not? That generosity is another hallmark of the actual Beatrice."

"Oversized cow tits and a dusty Renaissance fair dress are also hallmarks of the actual Beatrice," EVA interrupted snidely, floating in place and lying on her back while turning his head to look down on us. "When I'm Beatrice, I'm definitely making some changes."

"... Hmph. Don't rise to her provocations," Beatrice told me again, a vein pulsing in her forehead as she evidently forgot she had already said that. "Let the game begin!"

By all means. On to the story...