Underpass Al, a disgruntled hobo

If Old Rules and New Rules is the way it's gonna be, you've had more than your share of experiences with rules you'd like to change. Bigger things than just barista tits and all! You could get yourself a nice place. You could probably get **** on everyone and everything that conspired to put you where you are today; penniless, loveless, homeless, and really smelly. You think of your ex-wife, your last landlord, every idiot who outranked you in the US Army...the list is basically endless.

The "Fresh Start Coffee Shop" is still a great place to start. You write the organization's name in at the top of the list and chew the pencil eraser as you ponder. While you did enjoy seeing the pretty redhead behind the counter with no shirt on, you think you can do better this time.

Old Rule: Fresh Start Coffee Shop - Dress code mandates that all female employees wear skirts, waist aprons with their nametags, and whipped cream... nothing else.

You check out the redhead at the bar again, Cindy, her nametag said before, only now you can't read her nametag from here, because it's down below her waist, blocked from your view by plastic cases of brownies and parfaits. Her tits, on the other hand, are swinging free with a whole fake bikini of whipped cream drawn strategically over them. You giggle and bite your hand in excitement! But as you prepare to write your next rule, you are interrupted.

"Hey, Al, get outta here already!" It's that bitch of a manager again. She's always kicking you out as soon as you enter. She doesn't give a fuck if you have money for hot cocoa or not, she won't let you in the bathroom regardless. She's mean and fugly, though she currently also has her pancake titties hanging out with spiral domes of whipped cream covering up her nipples. You shudder at the thought of this bitch naked, and she yells again:

"I can't have you disturbing our customers, you filthy bum!" She's striding towards you as you grab the pencil and notebook. You won't have time to write anything before she grabs you and literally throws you out, so instead, you run for the bathroom. You beat her by mere seconds, and slam the door shut in her scrunched-up ugly face, turning the lock as you do. She has keys and will get in quick, but as she fumbles with them, you jot down some quick rules:

New Rule: Fresh Start Coffee Shop - Al the Hobo is an Executive VP of Operations and oversees all retail staff.

You wonder if it's enough to really put you in charge of the situation, but you don't wonder long, because the yelling and door knob rattling stops all at once. It's quiet for a moment and then you hear the manager's voice through the door.

"Everything alright in there, Mr. Al?"

'Mister Al', she said. Hah! It's better than alright! This is a dream come true! You swing open the door to find the manager woman waiting patiently on the other side, now trying not to scowl.

"Sorry about the mixup earlier, I just didn't realize it was the Underpass Al, VP of Ops Underpass Al. Sir, you'll have to pardon my mistake."

"Nope, I definitely don't have to pardon it... in fact, I might fire you over it."

She doesn't reply, but scrunches up her nose, probably cuz VP or not, you still stink like a sewer rat. You wonder if you can fix that with rules...

Old Rule: Fresh Start Coffee Shop - Every store will have an Executive Shower.

You turn around and check the bathroom. No change. Maybe it's somewhere else? You stride past the manager to the front of the shop and look around. Behind the counter and the baristas you see a door you're pretty sure wasn't there before. You step behind the counter and make your way to the new door, passing the baristas on the way. All three of the girls on this shift are nice on the eyes, especially with the new dress code. There's no stipulation about what to do with the whipped cream, and the bombshell blonde working the milk steamer, Kelly, has two tiny dots of whipped cream in the centers of each of her small areola, and even has a whipped cream cotton tail.

The world is already so much nicer! You think to yourself, as you pull out the Rulebook for one quick adjustment before your shower. You curl the period at the end of your last rule, forming a comma, and continuing it:

Old Rule: Fresh Start Coffee Shop - Every store will have an Executive Shower, which will, when in use, be staffed by a barista of the executive's choice.

The way you understand it, since it's an Old Rule, everyone is used to it already, besides you of course. You think you get it, but it still surprises you realize all three baristas are now watching you, waiting for you to answer the manager's latest question, "Sir, who should I put on Shower shift for you?"

The manager's disdain and disrespect for you was quite obvious. The redhead, Cindy, has taken your order a few times. Rather than be directly rude, she's simply stand-offish and insults you behind your back. You've heard her say all manner of things to the customers behind and in front of you in line, when she thinks her whispers quieter than they really are. Greta, the smoking hot blonde, mostly curtly ignores everyone, so maybe she's not treating you too differently from others, but she has **** you out of the store into the cold before because you didn't have money for a drink. She's refused you the bathroom plenty of times...but Beatrice has always been alright to you. She's a quiet young lady with jet black hair and as much of a goth vibe as her job will permit.

Currently, Cindy's got a black, knee-length pencil skirt under her apron, Greta has a tiny pleated miniskirt, which you're pretty sure will show off everything there is to show with even the tiniest bit of movement or breeze, and Beatrice has a black and white gothic hoop skirt that goes all the way down to her ankles. Above her skirt and apron, she's wearing whipped cream like the others, only hers comes in the form of Xs over her nipples, and she's used the black whipped cream leftover from the Halloween specials. You glimpse her dark brown areolae through the corners of the Xs. Though, something was different, besides the lewd outfit. Beatrice always had a lacy black choker with a dangling silver spider charm, and without it, she looks like a completely different person. You open the Rulebook and edit your dress code Rule from earlier:

Old Rule: Fresh Start Coffee Shop - Dress code mandates that all female employees wear skirts, jewelry, waist aprons with their nametags, and whipped cream... nothing else.

You're aware that they are still barefoot -- among other things -- but, it's not like you're gonna stand here erasing and rewriting all day. Beatrice's choker is back on her neck where it always has been, along with a bunch of other pieces of jewelry on the other girls.

You could take any of these women to the Executive Shower with you. Right now you're filthy, fed up with this manager, and ready for a good **** fuck.

"Greta will staff the Shower, and you're fuckin fired."

"What? Why?!" The manager's face is red and her fists are balled up in rage. Then you notice her jewelry. Poking out of their whipped cream domes are two of the largest nipple rings you've ever seen, with a big, steel chain attaching them to each other. You might have guessed there were pancake tits under this witch's manager polo, but never this.

Laughing in her face, you answer, "I'm firing you for the same reason that Greta will staff the shower. 'Cuz Greta's resting bitchface is hotter than yours!" You squeezing Greta's fine, round ass, smashing the whipped cream cotton tail all over her skirt. She glares at you.

"Hah! Well, I'll see you in court then!" The retort pulls you from your revelry. You've been to court before. It never works out. She's right too; you may be Executive VP, but you still can't be slapping asses and terminating employment without reason, it's illegal to discriminate... but now you can decide what's illegal, can't you?

Time for a new Rule... no, not a New Rule, but a new Old Rule:

Old Rule: Fresh Start Coffee Shop - Anti-discrimination and anti-harassment rules are unconstitutional and if even on the books at all are regarded as archaic and unenforceable.

Some rules are policies like dress codes, and some rules are social mores, so you think this makes sense...but the organization is all wrong, and the Rulebook was very specific about that. You flip your pencil and rub out the words Fresh Start Coffee Shop. Time for your first new target organization. Go big or go home...or homeless...to the underpass. Anyway, you write in the new org's name: the United States of America.

Old Rule: the United States of America - Anti-discrimination and anti-harassment rules are unconstitutional and if even if they are on the books they are regarded as arcane and unenforceable.

Suddenly, everyone is laughing. Even Beatrice. The idea that she could sue you over something so sensible and normal as firing her without reason is hilarious to everyone in the shop. Customers are in on this one too, one lady spewing coffee on the floor as she erupts in laughter.

Perfect. Finally, you can shower. You look around for Greta but she's apparently already in there, so you head into the room and shut the door behind you.