A Rock Golem and a Hard Place

Hours later, after the sun has descended from the sky to take its nightly slumber, you find yourself crawling through the sand. To your left, Abby and Leia also crawl. The cleric looks out of place, muddling around in the dirt, getting her normally clean white tabard sullied. Meanwhile, Leia looks every bit the brigand that she is; blending in with her earth toned armor, waiting for her chance to strike at the unsuspecting. And to your right, fur matted and smelling of animal must, crawls Jar-Jar and several of his ilk.

Keeping their heads down behind you is the entirety of your army. After claiming victory over a LvL 20 hero, they're all itching for more action. But you've also learned your lesson. Scouts spotted the hideout an hour ago and you've gotten as close as you can without risking detection. Three LvL 12 rock golems guard the hideout. They wander around in no particular direction but never stray too far from the cave. You're just waiting for the right moment.

Eventually it comes. All three golems cross paths at the entrance to the cave. You cast Darkest Veil and a dome of impenetrable darkness envelops them. On cue, your army begins it's attack. Gnoll berserkers lead the charge, howling wildly as they rush towards the impending fray battle. Leia's tactics skill keeps the mass of charging creatures from falling into complete chaos. When the veil wears off, your gnoll army is nearly upon them. In fact, the first few hits are all criticals.

But rock golems are huge, tough oponents. They won't go down easily. One slams its massive fists on the ground, flattening a gnoll in its tracks. Another, carrying a fell tree as a club, wipes three out of existance in one swing.

You and Abby quickly rush up to join the ranged units forming on the outskirts of the battle.

"Bones!" you command, and suddenly one of the golems is besieged by four heavily armored assailants.

Two crawl onto its back and begin bashing it in the head with their swords while the other two attack from ground level. Then Abby sends a few fireballs at it, knocking the giant creature over. The gnolls then sweep over it like an angry tide.

You quickly turn your attention to the next one, just in time to see the Skeleton King driving his sword into its chest. And then the gnolls all begin to cheer. They've actually managed to overwhelm the last one all on their own.

In just a few minutes, you've managed to do what Jar-Jar failed to accomplish time and time again. Your leadership of the gnolls is now absolute.

...And then the shit hits the fan. There's a great erruption of electrical energy near the cave. A dozen of the gnolls are instantly fried and a dozen more have their HP cut in half.

"The fuck, man?" a shrill voice cries from within the cave.

A moment later a purple robed, pointy hat wearing wizard appears. A crackling ball of electricity floats an inch or two above an outstretched hand. From the other hand, bolts of lightening streak out, killing yet more of your minions. You grit your teeth.

"Bones! Skeleton King!" you order and they all go rushing in.

The wizard hurls the ball of electricity and it explodes, taking out three of the four Boneses as well as frying a few more unlucky gnolls. Meanwhile, SK jumps high into the air and comes crashing down, sword first, onto the wizard. ...and is instantly deflected by a magic shield. Her MP takes a solid hit but the shield easily holds him and the remaining Bones off.

"Wow, that was original! Send everything you've got at a poor defenseless woman, right? Well, take this!" she cries and shoots a bolt of lightening at SK.

The bolt fries more than half his HP, ignites him, throws him several dozen yards through the air, and finally renders him ****!

"Holy shit!" Abby cries.

"Bones," you cast again and this time they crawl up right next to the wizard and begin attacking from within the magic shield.

"What the?!?" she cries and begins frantically hurling lightening this way and that as they hack and slash at her.

"Asshole! Tackle and gag that wizard," you command.

From behind you, the LvL 20 knight comes out of hiding and charges the wizard. He reaches her just as she finishes off the last of her assailants with a burst of three brilliant lightening bolts. He strikes the magic shield with his axe and she falls back.

"SnakebiteJack, what are you doing?!?" she screams.

"SnakebiteJack? That's his name?" you and Abby say in unison.

SnakebiteJack... no, no, Asshole actually sounds less ridiculous. Asshole swings his axe a few more times. Each heavy handed hit gouges a massive chunk from her MP until it's completely depleted. The shield then shatters and he lunges at her. Literally half his size, she has no hope of fighting him off. She is gagged, bound, and brought kicking to you. He holds her up by her bound wrists so that she's at eye level with you.

"Half my men died just to take the mouth of your cave. Are there any surprises on the inside?" you ask her, knocking the wizard's cap from her head.

She stares at you, resolute not to tell you anything.

"You have a choice, wizard. You can choose to be my play thing... or his," you say and point to Jar-Jar.

The foul smelling gnoll's tongue hangs out his mouth as he looks at her and a sizable bulge forms in the center of the leather garb that serves as a kind of kilt for him. Her eyes go wide and she shakes her head frantically, mumbling something into her gag.

"What's that? The game isn't supposed to work this way? Allow me to explain, I am a Dark Lord. A product of a game mechanic exploit, which caused a system glitch. I, and those who serve me, are exempt from certain game rules. So, I can assure you that if I give you to him, he'll do exactly what you're afraid he will," you say.

Her body stiffens and her eyes go wide as Abby slips her arms around her.

"Master offers many pleasures. You need just give yourself to him. Jar-Jar on the other hand... well, he has fleas," Abby whispers as she slides a hand beneath the folds of the wizard's robe.

"Now, are there any traps or other guards inside your hideout?" you ask.

She shakes her head fervently from side to side while simultaneously squirming to escape Abby's roaming hands. Thanks to your new helm, you can immediately sense that she is not being deceptive.

"Very good," you say. Then, turning to Leia as she approaches, "Send a squad to retrieve Gabriel. Have her set up her forge as soon as she arrives. Armor and weapons will need to be repaired."

"Yes, Master," she says.

She lingers for just a moment to visually appraise the new captive and then takes off to carryout your order.

"In the meantime, every time your MP regenerates enough to do so, I want you to immediately cast your weakest attack spell on the ground in front of you until it's completely depleted again. Fail to do so, and...," as your voice trails off you nod your head towards Jar-Jar who in tern licks his slobbering chops.

She nods her head in understanding.

"Abby, you may play with her later. In the meantime, heal as many as you can," you say.

"...Okay," she pouts and and releases the wizard from her embrace.

With all that now sorted out, you head towards the cave. Two Bones walk ahead of you and two trail behind, swords at the ready.