clubhouse

I basically was a zombie through school, not that most people noticed. My mind kept bouncing back and forth between Jerry, Karen, and Erica. Jerry seemed maybe confused this morning but the way I would see him look at that boy he never was good at hiding his feelings from anyone. What if he hurts Jerry? I managed to survive gym, my class of the day, showered and changed before meeting with Karen in the locker room.

Karen took me into a large room filled with other students. Some were eating, some were playing tabletop games and some were just sitting around talking. It looked more like an unofficial lunch or low energy party than it did an LGBT group meeting as Karen described to me.

"Hey, guys." Karen and I sat at one table with one group of girls. Well, I think they were girls. Some dressed like guys but talked like girls and some dressed like girls and talked like guys. "This is Michelle, she's new."

"Oh yeah, I think you're in my trig class." One of the boyish girls said. "I'm Anne."

"Oh yeah!" I nearly choked on my water, I had actually thought she was a boy. "I thought I recognized you." One of the girls that sounded like a boy giggled as if she could read my mind.

"I think she's confused." Her voice was definitely not feminine but not really masculine either. "I'm Daryl." I give up. He, I guess, giggled again.

"This is why I brought her." Karen addressed the table, "She thinks her brother might be gay."

"Well, I'm not sure. He's been asking me about boys and wearing makeup and I think he likes one boy in particular but I can't be sure...but I just know my brother."

"Have you thought about just asking him?" A redheaded girl who hadn't introduced herself asked.

"If he was gonna just come on out he would have told her already," Daryl argued for me. The girl nodded like she hadn't considered that either. "All you can do is treat him like you would normally and maybe subtly find a way to show you don't care if he's gay. He'll come out when he's ready."

"I guess you're right. I just didn't expect it, he never did any of this stuff before we moved."

"Neither did I." Daryl flipped his long black hair out of his face. "I actually thought I was straight until I came here." He and the girls laughed, "I know it's hard to imagine for me too."

"What changed?"

"I don't know, I guess it just clicked after a while. But better here than Detroit."

"Maybe being in a place where it's okay to explore and express yourself helped." The redheaded girl answered.

"Could be."

I wondered if the same was true of Jerry. Did we make him afraid to explore who he was? Or maybe it was the kids at school. I knew he had been picked on a lot but Brian usually handled that...maybe I should have done more to handle Jerry.

We talked for a few minutes more before I stood to get myself a snack from one of the vending machines. Karen followed. "So, did it help any?"

"A little bit." I sighed popping open a bag of Doritos. "Thanks." I offered the open bag for Karen.

"Ooh." She took a couple of chips, "Already she's buying me dinner." Her smile made me laugh.

When we returned to the table and Anne slapped the table excitedly, "Say, have you joined a club yet?"

"No?"

"Good, ever thought about drama?"

"Not really."

"Our lead and our understudy both got sick and we need someone to stand in for now. It's just reading the lines with the other actors so we have someone to play against, you see?"

"Sure. I suppose I can help out. How'd they both get sick anyway?"

"Mono."

"Oh."