Channel surf through the night.

I change the channel once more. Then again. Predictably, this transitions into another mindless channel surfing session.

Throughout the cable-scape, a multitude of the usual regulars appear. Game shows, cartoons, foreign political panels, sports recaps. They tend to banally blur together after a while, so I make some of my own fun.

On one channel, I have the members of an Asian business conference drink each other's urine after finding their water bottles undesirable, a refreshment they gladly ingest. On another, a couple dancers on the floor of some kind of formal ceremony go from the two-step to an increasingly raunchy bump-and-grind, particularly with each other's waist regions as target practice.

Next, I ensure a showing of at least one in-universe instance of someone suckling on a girl's boobs with every episode on Cartoon Network tonight, regardless of the show, format, or genre. I then convince some infomercial presenters to demonstrate their products in several self-titillating ways, including one woman's creative application of a consolidated vacuum-type contraption, then skip over to the different sports channels to treat myself to an eyeful of smooth, firm legs as every game mid-match has their cheerleaders ripping off their skirts and swinging their asses in triple meter while slapping their pussies in rhythmic sync. The clip is a miasma of hilarity, though no one seems to be rolling out of their seats in the stands like they normally would. One family cheerfully snaps a few pictures, presumably for the Facebook gallery, later.

Once I turn the concession workers into dedicated laborers offering to perform cunnilingus and fellatio at the price of 5 dollars give or take, I resolve to call it a day. I turn the set off and proceed to the bathroom to splash my face with some water, the sounds of urban nightfall filling the background. I spent longer in front of the tube than I'd originally planned, but, I reason, at least it was productive. Or maybe that's what TV is designed to make you feel like. Even all-powerful entities were victim to its charms, I suppose...