One on, one off?

‘I said we should compromise,’ you tell her, tongue planted firmly in cheek. To be honest, you’re not at all sure you’ll get away with this – but what the hell, you owe it to all the lonely jerk-offs in the world to try. ‘That’s a compromise. One on, one off.’

Emma’s jaw drops. ‘No!’ she protests, struggling to get her hand free. ‘Absolutely not! I’ll look… I’ll look…’ She bites her lip. ‘Well, I’ll just look strange!’

‘Exactly,’ you tell her, grinning. Emma shoots you a suspicious look. ‘If anyone takes photos of you, or has a quick peek at your chest, they’ll see you’re wearing one pastie. Sticker,’ you correct, quickly. ‘Whatever. Point is, it’ll look like you’re being modest.’

Emma rolls her eyes. ‘Except I’ll still have my nipple out,’ she complains.

‘Just the one, though!’ You smile wickedly at her. ‘So if anyone does notice, they’ll be **** to conclude the other one just… fell off, or something. Not your fault. You couldn’t have known. And you certainly wouldn’t have done it on purpose. After all…’ You spread your hands triumphantly. ‘Who wears just one pastie? Sticker. Whatever.’

Emma cocks her head and studies you for a moment, obviously trying to work out whether you’re serious or not. ‘I think you’re completely barking,’ she sighs, eventually. ‘I don’t know, though. They are a lot more obvious than I thought…’

‘Just have to keep ‘em soft, then, won’t you?’ Emma makes an exasperated sound and tries to swat you, but you dance out of reach. ‘It’ll be a nice little exercise for you. Practice your self-control.’

Emma shakes her head, but she’s tempted by the idea. ‘Barking mad…’ she sighs again.