Try to find out what's come over you

Sophie: "Okay. Okay. I need to calm down, this clearly isn't normal."

You pace around for a bit, thinking of what to do. Both of your erections still refuse to yield an inch of their might, and remain fully erect. You decide that the best course of action would be to consult the internet.

First of all you check the news site. Is there anything on a 'sudden inexplicable wave of dickification'? Not exactly no. At least not yet. However there's a prompt for breaking news and a link to a live news channel. Here you have better results: there's an ongoing special report about random humans around the world getting strange transformations.

Jack News: "...We have here in our studio, our resident medical expert doctor Alan Coitus."

Alan Coitus: "Pleased to be here, Jack."

Jack News: "Dr. Coitus, what sort of explanation can you offer to the events that have transpired this morning?"

Alan Coitus: "That's the thing, Jack. Us the medical community are as of yet unable to give a solid answer. Many of the transformations we've seen so far appear random, but strangely coherent. We have reports of people who have grown new limbs, new entire organs, have grown in height, or even seemingly turned into anthropomorphic animals! Some patients have proven to defy the very laws of nature: gaining the ability to fly, to clone themselves, or to lift incredible weights with inadequate musculature. Science can't reasonably explain any of this."

Jack News: "Fascinating. Is there any discernible pattern to the transformations?"

Alan Coitus: "So far we've only documented about forty people, but reports keep piling up. We have no estimates on the actual frequency of this occurrence. So far all cases have been people under the age of forty, and seventy precent of the transformed people have been female, but those numbers can be expected to shift wildly after we've gathered a larger sample size. On that note I must be going: I'm seriosuly needed back at the hospital right now."

Jack News: "Thank you for your time, Doctor. We now go to Tampa, where our correspondents have attained an transformee for interview. Bill, how's the weather in Florida?"

Bill: "What the **** are you on about the weather, Jack? This is a supernatural calamity on a global scale, and you wanna start with small talk? How are your viewers even ******* awake?"

Jack News: "No comment, Bill. Also **** you, you don't have the paygrades to start **** up with me. Get to the interview."

Bill: "As you can see here, we've got a woman here who now has a large human mouth on her stomach. Can you tell us your name and how exactly did this happen, ma'am?"

Kate: "I'm Kate Bradford, I live here in Tampa, and I just woke up like this today! This 'ere mouth's actin' up real bad, it talks and all-"

Mouth: "I AM SKATHLAR! I REQUIRE FEEDING."

Bill: "JESUS ******* CHRIST!"

Mouth: "YOU SHOULD EAT LESS RED MEAT, KATE. IT UPSETS ME."

Kate: "I already told ya big wuss that I ain't gonna give up bacon that easily! Now pipe down, yer scaring the TV guy.

Mouth: "A VOW OF SILENCE, WRITTEN IN BLOOD."

Kate: "So yea, I was just on my way to the hospital."

Bill: "I... Oh lawdy. Best be on your way then, Kate. Good luck! Back to you, Jack."

Well this is certainly interesting. So other people are also having changes? You wonder if you should go to the hospital too.