Second Round of Testing

The base is humming with activity, as if the people within are preparing for something great. The massive generators are humming from overtime, and most of the grunts appear to have changed their outfits from the blacks of security guards to the yellows of construction workers, and you see dozens of technicians scurrying through the facility, carrying electrical cables and whispering quickly to each other. Knowing HYDRA, this is probably some harebrained plan to take over the world that will fall apart when some team of heroes or another comes in at the perfect time to stop them. You wonder briefly at how it could be possible that there were so many close shaves with world and even universe-ending disasters without the world having actually ended, before a shiver runs down your spine.

In any world where HYDRA’s plans succeeded and the world was destroyed, there would be no humans left to observe and notice that fact. That meant that it was possible that in 99% of the universes out there, Earth was simply a smouldering rock with no life left on it, and you would never be able to tell the difference. There is no magical **** protecting your reality, you conclude. It’s just been sheer dumb luck that you’ve survived this far. If you value your own life at all, then that means that you’ve got to act to stop HYDRA and other villainous forces from destroying the world.

You silently vow to yourself that you’ll do everything in your power to stop the world from ending. There are too many women, too many things to do, that you cannot afford to die now. That doesn’t mean that you’ll be a hero, not by any stretch of the imagination. Being a villain is much too fun. It just means that you’re going to be giving some of the other villains a very bad time. And as for the heroes themselves? Well, if any of them fall for your act, you’ll be sure to capitalise on the opportunity.

The lab doors silently slide open, revealing a mostly empty facility, except for the robots that are humming along as usual. A lab tech spots you and waves you over.

“Have you got your payment for the day?” she asks.

You resist the urge to slam her into the wall and punish her for her insolence. You’re a little classier than that, you figure. Instead, you turn around to examine the machines with your x-ray vision as a USB floats out of your pocket and dangles in front of her. As she reaches out to take it, it flies just out of her reach, and you ignore her for a minute or two as she struggles to try to get the little metal stick, to no avail. That should teach her the lesson.

“Where’s the Technician?” you ask, the USB returning to your palm. “I’m sure you understand that I have no reason to trust you with this sensitive information. I’m also sure you understand that I definitely do not trust you to run the testing that I need.”

“Of course,” the lab tech says, trying to not look too worried. It seems that she has remembered the fact that you’re one of the most powerful people on the planet now. “The Technician is busy preparing for… for the next stage of our plan, but I’ll let her know immediately that you are waiting for her.”

She runs out of the room, typing something quickly on her phone. To your surprise, it is hardly a minute before the Technician walks in, flanked by her usual coterie of scientists.

“You came at a most inconvenient time,” the Technician says, pulling something up on the console with a few hand motions. “But then again, I suppose showing up any time over this next week would have been an inconvenient time, so you can be excused for that. Have you got the data?”

You toss her the USB, and she plugs it into a port on one of the computers.

Two out of the six files open immediately, but the other four show little lock signs over them. The information on Colossus and Rocket Raccoon is prominently displayed, but the other ones continue to show lock signs even after the Technician tries a few commands to unlock them. She eventually turns to you with a questioning look.

“The deal’s the deal. You get the password for the next one after this round of testing is complete. You’ll have all six when you’re done one the solutions,” you say.

“The other four had better be good,” she mutters, “because I don’t give two shits about this rodent that you’ve pulled up, alien tech or not.”

She snaps her fingers, and a harness drops down from the ceiling, snapping into place around your body. You don’t resist as it lifts you into the air, tubes, wires, and pads attaching to all the surfaces of your body. You sink into a semi-meditative trance as you feel shocks and jolts run through your body, and you can almost ignore the white-hot knife that plunges into your skin and twists around. Almost.

Then comes the part of the testing that is presumably relevant to what you want. You feel a series of electrical currents run directly into your brain, and your cock suddenly stands fully erect, blood rushing down into the organ. Strangely, you don’t feel horny at all, and when two pistons slam into your balls and contract, forcing you to cum, all you feel is pain, hardly blunted by your mind calming tactics. There is the barest hint of an orgasm, and then nothing. Your powers fade away and the pain hits hard. Even the rounds of anaesthesia injected directly into your bloodstream don’t do their job.

The Technician is chattering quickly to one of the scientists beside her in what sounds more or less like technobabble. You watch as the cum sample is brought up before everybody, and the single sample is divided into a hundred test-tubes, with each undergoing a complex battery of tests.

Almost immediately, ninety of them glow red, and the machinery surrounding those test-tubes fall silent, but the remaining ten continue to go through strange procedures, with lightning and chemicals producing glows that don’t look healthy for the average human. Eventually, seven more of the tubes glow red, until there are just three remaining, each morphing and twisting into a different form.

The first one has turned into a black, bubbling solution, and it seems to be actively destroying the test-tube - new waves of glass are constantly being produced to contain the solution. Within a half a minute, however, the solution settles down and the cell glows red too.

The second test-tube contains what can only be described as plasma now, some glowing cloud of energy that somehow contains your genetic information and the key to solving your unique dilemma. A small white rod is inserted into the tube, and the thing goes haywire, the glow so bright that it feels like staring int the Sun. Then, the tube abruptly falls dark too, and is replaced by a red glow.

Just one left, and the Technician is pointing at it, telling others to execute some strange commands that apparently involve words like “geostationary orbit.” It doesn’t quite make sense why this would be pertinent to stopping you from losing your powers, but as the tube begins to quake from the **** generated inside of it, your white semen having turned into what looks like a computer chip, there is an excited round of chatter from all in the room except for you, who is still locked in a harness and groaning from indescribable pain.

Then, the tube glows green. There are cheers and high-fives around the room, before the Technician calls for order.

“We’ve got a design that should theoretically work,” she says, “but it’s not quite ready for live-testing. There are likely to be permanent side effects at this stage. Come back tomorrow, and we might just have something for you.”

With that, the harness releases you, and you gingerly start to walk towards the door.

“Password to the third file is FUCKYOUTECHNICIAN,” you say. “One word, all caps. Have fun with the dossiers.”

You feel your powers flood back just then, and blink out of the room, wondering where you should go next.

Where do you go, and what do you do?