Waiting for a text was never this hard

Roy sat uncomfortably on his bed, holding a book in his hands. He'd been like this for some time now, at least a few hours. He kept meaning to get started on the novel, an old 80's cyberpunk story he'd gotten for fifty cents in a used book store, but by the time he made it through half a page, he was already distracted by some thought or another about the events of the day so far. Trevor, to his credit, had left for his buddy's house not long ago, citing that it was "raid night", but it was more likely he'd simply heard that Roy had muttered something about not using condoms. Despite being more than a little insensitive, he still knew when to give a guy his space.

Roy was interrupted from his sojourn into futuristic dystopian consumerism by his phone's message tone. He quickly snatched it from his nearby bookshelf, where it was charging, and unlocked the screen. Sure enough, it was a message from Samantha (who of course was still listed as Sam), and Roy couldn't be more delighted.

~Sorry for the delay, Mother was rather irate. Not so much at our actions, but rather at the place we chose to conduct them.

-Understandable.

~She says you're to rent a steam cleaner and take care of the couch. Tomorrow, if possible.

-Also understandable. I'll be over, I've got no classes till Monday.

~She also says she's happy to know we've gotten together. She said she had a bet going with Mrs. Springwood about it.

-Yeah, that sounds like my mom.

Roy waited for a while, hoping for another response, but rather than a text tone, his ringtone went off. The screen displayed Sam's name, and a picture of Professor Farnsworth that Roy had set as Sam's contact image. Roy took a mental note to change that to something more appropriate when he had the chance, and answered the call.

"Hey, Roy?" the voice on the other side, unmistakably Samantha's, asked.

"Hey Samantha."

"Umm... when you come over tomorrow, after you finish with Mother's chore, do you think we could spend some more time together?" Roy could tell there was apprehension in her voice, as if there was any chance he'd say no to her.

"Yeah, sure. I wasn't lying when I said this wasn't a one time thing."

"Okay, good. Good."

"Yeah, hey, one other thing Samantha. Uh, about what we did earlier."

"Ummm... if it's about it being my first time, you don't need to worry. I've practiced with similarly sized tools already," she responded, completely lacking any shame in her voice.

"What?" he asked, surprised by her candor. "No, I mean, that's good! I guess. But I meant, like, we didn't use protection! You should probably get a morning after pill or something, to be safe!"

"Oh!" He heard the genuine surprise in her voice. "That's not a problem, Roy. Not at all. I've got a hormonal IUD."

"...I have no idea know what that acronym is," he replied honestly. "Is it another invention?"

"No, I didn't invent it, you goof. It's an intrauterine device. It regulates my hormones and prevents ovulation. I got it implanted when I turned eighteen. I don't even have periods anymore."

"..." Roy wasn't sure how to respond to this information. Or how to react at how nonchalantly his new girlfriend was spouting off such private things. None of his exes were anywhere near this open. "Wait," he said, having a thought, "I thought it was your first time. Why'd you get it if you weren't having sex?"

"Oh, if you had my periods," she said seriously, "you'd want them stopped any way you could. The fact that you can ejaculate inside me is simply a side benefit."

Well, that about did it for Roy. He'd jumped head first into this girl's craziness, even though he knew what the old Sam was like. He didn't have anyone to blame but himself.

"Well, that's a load off my mind," Roy stated simply.

"Oh, there was one other thing I wanted to ask you. If you're going to be free tomorrow morning, how would you like to join me for my morning session at the gym?"

"Sure, that sounds like fun!" Roy was willing to agree to anything to change the subject away from periods and uteruses. Uteri? He wasn't sure, and he'd rather not think about it anymore. "Meet at the gym?"

"Sure. Six AM, sharp. Don't be late, okay? I have to stick to my regimen, and I will get started without you."

"Yeah, alright, I'll set the alarm on my phone when I hang up. Actually, I should probably get going. I've got a lot of studying to do, you know," he lied, looking down at the book in front of him.

"I've got some research to do as well, though probably not on the same subjects. I'll see you tomorrow..." she paused, as though she was considering something. "Sweetheart?" she tested.

He almost laughed at how lame it sounded. "See you then, Sam."