A machine

"Hello. Thank you for calling our complaints and customer feedback line. I will be assisting you throughout your phone call. This call may be monitored for quality assurance and training purposes."

"Oh, a machine, how nice..." Adam does his best to stifle his frustrations, biting his tongue and swallowing his rage.

"Now, in order to best assist you, what issues are you calling about?"

"My dick is gone..."

"I'm sorry, I do not understand. Could you repeat that?"

"I said my dick is gone."

"I see, you wish to speak to billing..."

"No. I want to speak to someone about getting my dick back."

"I'm sorry. I do not understand. Did you still wish to speak to billing?"

With that Adam can take no more. Taking his phone and hurling it at the wall he screams in rage. The totality of his circumstances finally settles in and he's **** to realize he may never have a dick again.

"I WANT MY DICK BACK DAMN IT!"