Figuring it out

"Yeah, the flying pigs swooped in and carried the cats and dogs away," said Ben, thinking he was being sarcastic.

"Flying pigs?!" said Stacy. She looked out the window and looked up at the sky. "I don't see any. I'm sorry I missed that! I didn't even know they engineered flying pigs. Science is amazing."

Is she drunk or high? thought Ben. "Yeah, you only see them if you jump and up and down and pat your head."

Stacy started jumping up and down and patting her head. "I still can't see them. Darn, I guess they're gone." She turned from the window and put her hands on her hips. "Anyway, back to your review."

Ben saw the look on her face and knew this was bad, so he decided to go for broke. "Managers are supposed to give foot massages during performance reviews." He kicked off a shoe.

"Oh, of course," said Stacy. She pulled a chair in front of Ben and put his foot in her lap. She started massaging his foot.

Well, fuck me! thought Ben. She's believing anything I say!

"Ben, I'm afraid I have some bad news," said Stacy.

"I know," said Ben, "you know I'm about to give you a bad performance review."

Stacy froze for a moment. "Yes, I know it's bad. How bad is it?"

Ben smiled. His heart pounded. He decided if this was too good to be true, he would make it as good as possible.

"Well, for one thing, you have been refusing to wear micro-mini skirts and tube tops to work as your position dictates," said Ben.

Stacy kept massaging Ben's foot. "I know, but it's just not my style."

"Stacy, we all know you just want to walk around her naked as you are a confirmed nudist, but we have standards, and your over-compensation with this librarian get up is unacceptable!"

"I'm sorry, Ben, I'll go out and buy a new wardrobe after work."

"Good, and your hair should be in pig tails ending in large bows, and you should have hot pink lipstick on at all times. What's wrong with you?"

"I don't know!" said Stacy.

"I could fire you for this behavior, you know." Ben folded his arms.

"Please, I'll do anything!" said Stacy. "Give me another chance!"

"Ok, but first...."