The Doorstep

Friday came around fast. Alex got off his shift and went straight to Mia’s place. He knocked once. She opened the door wearing a loose sweater and leggings. Hair down around her shoulders. She smiled when she saw him.

“Come in. I made tea if you want some.”

They sat on the couch. Books and notes spread between them. Her leg brushed his when she reached for her notebook. She didn’t pull it away. Just left it there. Close.

They studied for hours. She asked him about the parts she didn’t get. He explained. Simple. She laughed at his joke about the professor falling asleep in class. Leaned in closer to see his page. Her shoulder pressed against his arm. He could smell her shampoo. Something sweet. Vanilla maybe.

His brain tried to focus on the words. But all he felt was her next to him. The warmth of her leg. The way her hair fell forward when she wrote. His body reacted. That tight warmth low in his stomach again. He shifted on the couch to hide it. Felt guilty right away. She just wanted help with psych. Don’t be gross about it.

Time slipped by. It got late. His stomach growled loud enough for her to hear.

She looked up from her notes and smiled. “Hungry? There’s a diner open late down the block. We could grab something quick before it gets too late.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”

They walked there together. Side by side on the quiet street. Their hands almost touched a few times but never quite did. She talked about how empty her apartment felt with her roommate gone. He told her about slow nights at the cafe. How sometimes he liked the quiet after everyone left.

At the diner they sat in a corner booth. Only a couple other people around. She ordered fries and a chocolate milkshake. He got a burger. They shared the fries without talking about it. Her hand reached over the table sometimes to grab one. Each time it felt like a small spark.

After they ate she leaned back and looked at him across the table. “This was nice. I like hanging out with you like this.”

He wanted to say the same. The words sat in his throat. He just nodded and smiled awkward.

They walked back to her place after. Night air cool on his skin. Streetlights soft. She walked close to him. Close enough that their arms brushed once or twice.

At her doorstep she stopped. Turned to face him under the porch light. Her eyes looked up at his. Soft. A little nervous maybe.

“Thanks for studying with me. And for dinner.”

“Anytime,” he said. Voice low.

She stepped closer. Then she kissed him.

Her lips touched his. Soft at first. Warm. Then she pressed in more. Long and slow. It felt like forever. Like she was giving him everything in that one kiss. His mind went completely blank. Shell shock. He didn’t move. Didn’t kiss her back. Arms stayed down at his sides. Body frozen solid. Heart hammering so hard he could hear it in his ears.

She kept kissing him. Tender. Deep. Like she had been waiting. Then she pulled back slow. Looked at his face. Saw he hadn’t moved. Hadn’t done anything. Her eyes changed fast. Hurt flooded them. Like she got it all wrong.

She stepped back quick. “Sorry.” Voice quiet and shaky.

Then she turned around. Ran inside. Door closed hard behind her.

Alex stood there on the doorstep alone. Lips still tingling from her kiss. Body still locked up. What the hell just happened?

He wanted to kiss her back. God he wanted to. The whole night he wanted her. During study. During dinner. The whole walk back. But his brain shut off like it always did. Awkward. Scared. Idiot.

He walked home slow. Mind spinning. The kiss kept replaying. How soft her lips felt. How long she stayed there. How good it was even though he didn’t move. And how she ran. She thought he didn’t want it. Probably thought he was rejecting her. Pushing her away.

At home he lay in bed. Room dark. Eyes wide open.

He could still feel her kiss. It made him hard just remembering it. Remembering how close she was on the couch. How she leaned in. How she kissed him like that at the door. He wanted more. Wanted to go back right now and knock until she opened. Tell her he liked it. That he liked her. That he froze because he was shocked she would ever kiss someone like him.

But he didn’t move. Scared of what she would say. What if she didn’t open the door? What if she meant the kiss as something else and now it was ruined?

Frustrated. He turned on his side and punched the pillow once. Soft. Why couldn’t he just act like a normal person? Why did he always freeze when it mattered? Now she probably hated him. Thought he didn’t like her back after everything.

He grabbed his phone. Stared at her name in his messages. Typed something. Deleted it. Typed again. Nothing felt right. Nothing could fix the look on her face when she ran inside.

He put the phone down. Stared at the ceiling. The want in his body mixed with the sick heavy feeling in his chest. He wanted her so bad it hurt. But he ruined it. Like he always ruined things.

Sleep came slow and restless. Full of her kiss. And the sound of her door closing. And the quiet voice in his head saying he was too late. Too scared. Too much of a coward to kiss her back when she finally gave him the chance.