Startup 70: Audit

Rova 27, Evening

In retrospect, it was perhaps not my cleverest idea to burn through my spell slots summoning demons while my officers were available. Sure, it was completely safe to slaughter Thoxels en masse since I had my whole team present. Sure, I had permission from Linu. Sure, the ten minute summoning time meant that I had plenty of time to get a recap on the situation outside. I think the point that I might have gone too far was when I decided to butcher the demons for the sake of transport.

When Linu walked into my guest chambers, the floor was completely covered by a large waxed sailcloth carpet to catch all the demonic ichor and dismembered limbs. A heap of chainmail and double bladed swords glittered in the firelight, and we’d dragged all the nice furniture into the bedrooms Rosie and I had been using. I think she was still a little bit overwhelmed.

Linu’s cutesie maid outfit contrasted with the cold fury in her expression, and the effects of both were completely spoiled when she bent over at the waist and vomited all over the floor.

Rosie rushed forward with a chamber pot, allowing Linu to catch the second wave of vomit instead of adding to the mess. The catgirl closed her eyes and straightened her back, breathing deliberately. The rest of my team looked around at each other, abruptly reminded of the macabre tableau.

Demonic gore dripped from Filli’s knuckles, evidence of injuries long healed. Sosima looked like a giant black insect in her chitinous armor. Syl, Rowe, and Aaron looked mostly normal, but Sandara’s barely restrained grin told me she’d seen this coming. I was mostly naked, personally, since I didn’t have many fresh clothes I could change into.

Maybe I should have taken it as a sign when Conchobar ran away to the bedroom.

“Explain yourself.” Linu said once she calmed herself, ice in her voice.

“Sorry!” I said, “You’re the only person who has come to visit and you said you wouldn’t have time to check in for a few days. I wasn’t expecting guests other than the guards outside.”

The guards in question studiously looked absolutely everywhere except at the priestess they’d failed to warn. I’d heard the clatter of dice and a lot of idle chatter outside, and I’m pretty sure at least one of them had slipped away at some point. Divinely empowered soldiers of a goddess of hedonism were not the most disciplined of guards, it seemed.

“Good start.” Linu growled, her eyes glowing as she cast some sort of divination spell. “Would you care to explain what was so important about visiting Lady Fairwind that you felt the need to embarrass me?”

My heart sank. I hadn’t meant to cause trouble, but as Tessa Fairwind had so eloquently pointed out, that didn’t mean shit.

“I wanted to be sure that she was honor bound to provide me with at least token assistance if things got messy.” I said, “I wasn’t expecting Shishe to cause any problems, and she was clergy I could get my hands on.”

“She nearly assaulted the Lady of Quent!” Linu hissed, “You need to control the beings you summon!”

Huh. News travels fast… or possibly Linu was just chewed out by Dindreanne.

“You want me to bind a servant of your goddess?” I asked, surprised. “Isn’t that blasphemous?”

Linu didn’t close her eyes, but I was fairly sure the spell she’d cast allowed her to see the world around her because she glared directly at me.

“Only if she were acting directly upon Callistria’s orders!” Linu said. “Veneropterix were mortal clerics once, but even setting aside the cultural differences of time and geography, they were chosen to serve as tools of vengeance! They are all **** hardliners, meant to be sent forth to destroy the enemies of the faith!”

“Right…” I said, “I guess escorting me to a peaceful meeting is a bit outside of her intended role.”

“Indeed!” Linu said, exasperated, “Now, what is… this?”

She gestured widely at the entire room. As she did, a small glowing golden ball winked into existence, dipped down to touch the Thoxel’s dismembered torso, and then vanished alongside the torso. Linu jumped at the sudden movement.

“Sorry,” I said, “Just a minor celestial. He’s helping us dispose of the corpses safely.”

The lantern archon was a lot more trustworthy than a devil, and when I’d explained that him carrying the corpses to a specific bathtub would lead directly to the deaths of dozens of demons, he’d been happy to help.

“Of course.” Linu said frostily, “How silly of me to be surprised.”

“We were hardly given the opportunity to warn you.” Sosima said, taking her helmet off, “You’re lucky to have arrived at such an opportune moment.”

Linu flicked her ears, probably processing the idea that this madhouse was apparently what qualified as an opportune moment for her visit.

“This is what I do to make the golems, among other things.” I said gently, “It’s not pretty, but it works. Sorry to surprise you, but you did just barge in without a warning.”

“Fair point, but I don’t have time for all of this.” Linu said, shaking her head, “I need to get back to work, but first I need to let you know that I’ll be keeping you on a much shorter leash. Since you can’t be trusted,-“

I seized the opportunity and slid in while she took a breath. Interrupting her was impolite, but the moment she actually told me the new rules she’d be committed. If I let her establish boundaries unilaterally, she wouldn’t be able to adjust them without looking weak.

“I understand completely, and I have a plan.” I said, “I’d been operating on the assumption that plausible deniability would be useful for you, and obviously that was a miscalculation. How about I send you an itemized list of what I want to do each day, in the morning or the night before. You can look it over and I’ll only do the things on that list, and stuff I can do here.”

Linu’s eyes flashed dangerously at the interruption, but quickly softened as she considered my offer. If she was good at judging honesty, she’d no doubt be able to confirm I meant it when I said that I’d send her a full list. None of my methods were exactly trade secrets, after all. I could shout them from the rooftops, and not many people could hope to steal my business model.

“You expect me to return daily to approve your schemes?” She asked.

“I’m pretty sure you have underlings that could carry a letter across the temple.” I said, crossing my arms. “It’s not a big ask for you to read a few bullet points and tell me yea or nay in a note.”

“Are you going to do something unfathomably foolish if I don’t agree to this?” Linu demanded.

“Honestly there’s a good chance of that.” I admitted. “I don’t intend to, but I’m not sitting on my hands when my life is on the line. That would be asking too much.”

Linu glared at me, calculating, and then nodded.

“I don’t suppose I’ll get better.” She said. “However, if you do something else ridiculous that reaches beyond this room, I’ll assume you are only pretending to be a fool. Have I made myself clear?”

As she spoke, she stalked forward. She was still small, but the way she set her shoulders made her seem larger. Still small enough to be more cute than intimidating, especially with her eyes screwed shut against the gore, but there was no way in hell I’d ever let her know that.

“Yes ma’am.” I said, snapping off a salute with only mild sarcasm. “If there’s anything you can think of to accelerate the trial, I’m sure that would help too.”

“You’re already taking up too much of my time.” She said, flicking her tail. “Incidentally, I’ve sent letters to a few potential buyers for your golems, but it will take a week or so to get a response. I assume that is the core of your courier service?”

She nodded at the archon that had just winked back in to grab the Thoxel’s legs. Apparently once it was classified and labeled in her mind, it was no longer scary.

Doesn’t like gore or jump scares? Perfectly reasonable, to be honest.

“I’m still hiring on that front.” I said, “I’ll ask if he’s interested in being your dedicated messenger, if you’d like. There aren’t a ton of outsiders capable of teleportation, and they all have their own problems.”

I only used devils because I didn’t feel bad about basically enslaving them. Binding a devil is like beating up an SS officer; it’s morally neutral at worst. Unfortunately they’re also awful, and most outsiders that aren’t evil have some kind of job they are doing at least some of the time. If I want to keep using this guy as a courier, I’m practically obliged to keep slaughtering demons as a way to pay him for his time. A psychopomp like Emmanuel would be perfect, but I’m pretty sure I’d need to actually pay them with real, serious money. Maybe someday.

“As long as he doesn’t start moralizing at me.” She said, “I’ll expect that list in the morning, and I’ll hold you to this offer.”

She turned and left, kicking off her gore caked shoes in the hallway and ordering the guards to get them cleaned and returned to her.

••••••••••

She seems surprisingly reasonable.

Syl watched Linu leave the room, considering her plan. If it weren’t for Cog’s involvement, Syl might have decided to change course. The idea of Emrys and Linu sleeping together wasn’t offensive by any means; she was cute and seemed like a good person to know, but nevertheless Emrys had a tendency to wander off in random directions. He needed someone to help him direct his energy, or he’d try everything at once all the time. Syl caught Sandara’s eye and nodded. They were going to go through with it, and all three girls knew their parts.

“Alright.” Sandara said, “Since we walked all the way here it’d be a shame not to check the wares. You need anything else, Emrys?”

“Yeah.” He said, “Help cleaning up this mess. I also wouldn’t mind some clean water and rum.”

Employing strategic deafness, Sandara saluted and went to fill up the bathtub in Emrys’s room with her water spell. Syl was fairly certain that, despite her rum summoning spell taking only a few moments to cast, Sandara would not be returning to the common room until it was mostly clean. Syl and Rosie carefully rolled up the sailcloth after Emrys used his magic hand to gather up the remaining guts into a wooden bowl. The cloth might have a few holes in it by the time the demon’s blood evaporated, but at least it wouldn’t dry into a solid crust.

“The men asked around.” She said, “There’s a few people who might be interested in poppets, if we can pretty them up a little bit. One guy thought one would be a great gift for his daughter.”

Emrys smiled, flashing those dazzlingly white teeth.

“Sounds great.” He said, “Shame that toy making isn’t as profitable as arms dealing, but what can you do?”

“I’m sure you’ll think of something.” Syl said, “Do you need anything else? I’ve got two sets of clothes, some soap, your hairbrush, an ammo pouch…”

As she spoke, Syl rummaged through her bag and pulled out the articles in question. She’d gathered them for him to use in the courthouse jail, but the temple was just as good.

“Thanks Syl. My gun is already loaded, though.” He said, gesturing at his shadow where he kept the weapon. “I really don’t think I’ll need to mag dump, especially not multiple times in a row.”

Despite his objection, he didn’t try to give back the ammo. She wished, and not for the first time, that she had a clearer view of what went on in his head. She honestly couldn’t be sure if he accepted the ammo to be polite, if he was trying to convince the guards outside that he was more lightly armed than he really was, or both. What she was certain of was that he’d needed all the ammunition he’d had in the House D’Lann dungeon, so he needed to carry more as a general rule. He had no reason not to.

Most of the officers left, leaving only Rosie, Sosima, Syl, and Emrys behind. Sosima picked up a stack of papers and a pen, and began annotating it. Syl saw a sketch of a pretty Chelish woman on the page.

I’ll need to ask about that later, but for now I’d like a little bit of alone time.

Syl followed Emrys into his room, and was pleased to see the bathtub steaming. At least Sandara had felt enough responsibility to warm up the bath while the rest of them were cleaning. Syl scooped some of the hot water out into a basin and washed off the last of the ichor from her hands. While she did, Emrys stripped naked and slid into the water.

He was still a very lean man, almost to the point that Syl worried. A human that thin, with that much muscle definition, would be distinctly unhealthy. He could afford to eat a little bit more, but according to her research elves were just like that when they built muscle. He scrubbed his skin with a bit of pumice the Callistrians left laying around for guests. She handed him some soap.

“Are we going to manage?” Syl asked.

“Probably.” Emrys said. “Linu should really help. I’ve gotten a letter back from Pepper; apparently both of her siblings are artisans. Once I can get in contact with them I might be able to source masterwork materials a little more cheaply.”

He answered something like that every time. Always something that made the debt seem trivial. Never mind that all his projections assumed everything went right, that he could sell most of his product, and that they did not have any more massive setbacks. Never mind that money poured out of his pockets like water whenever he saw someone in need.

He won’t be in a position to help anyone if his magic gets stripped from his bones.

“There was one other offer we got.” Syl said. “A gnome. He said he wanted Sosima’s earrings; apparently he saw her in town and studied the aura. Seemed to think he could make a killing selling them to the goblins here.”

Less invasive than extensive alchemical hormone replacement and cosmetic surgery. He’s probably planning on making cheaper knockoffs. Not a bad idea; shame Emrys can only do weapons, armor, and constructs.

“I might be able to convince her to let him examine them,” Emrys said. “If he’s willing to pay up for the privilege. I’ll want you to send an extra security detail with her, just in case.”

“Mr. Scuttlebutt said he’d buy them for ten thousand gold, sight unseen.” Syl said, “With that kind of money you’d be fine. Once this trial blows over and you sell Gobron’s Ship-“

“Those earrings aren’t mine to sell, and I already know what Sosima would say if we asked.” Emrys said, in that infuriatingly calm tone. “Not a bad idea, but no.”

“We could steal them back!” Syl argued.

“If you can figure out how to steal something that valuable from a Quent citizen with that much money to toss around, we should just rob him.” Emrys said wryly. “Even if you do, I’m not sure if I want to make an enemy of Fairwind. She’s the only pirate lord I’ve met so far that seems half decent.”

Syl groaned. It wasn’t as if he really knew Fairwind. They’d met exactly once.

“You’ve met two.” Syl pointed out. “Not a valid sample size.”

“And between those two, one set me on fire.” Emrys said, scrubbing his arms, “The other gave me advice and a ride home.”

Syl huffed out a breath. She wanted this debt situation handled. Having it loom over her was hell on her nerves. Unfortunately, he seemed unlikely to change his mind on the earrings.

“I don’t trust Varossa.” Syl said. “I don’t like relying on her so much. How do we know the leprechaun even has gold?”

“We don’t, really, but it’s worth pursuing unless I can find something stable that’s a sure thing.” Emrys said, “The treasure hunt keeps us moving, advances my missions, and is better than wandering randomly. I’m also not planning on bringing her to the finish line, if you know what I mean. Hell, we might be able to sell the Three Reasons to Fairwind if we can’t find the treasure. She’s a bard.”

Syl opened her mouth to argue, but was interrupted by a shout from the hallway.

“You’ve got more guests!” One of the guards called.

Syl looked at Emrys, still quite naked, and went to answer the call. Sosima was already letting Ratts in, her papers left on the desk, assuring the guards that he was crew from the Enterprise.

“Dierdre’s still out, following that girl.” He said, “She told me to come let you know she found some stuff.”

Syl looked at the open door, from which the guards would almost certainly listen in. She closed it, firmly. They didn’t need any spies listening in on crew business. Sosima and Rosie frog marched Ratts into the room with Emrys, who was getting dressed. Based on the chunk of ice rapidly melting in the hot water, he had leapt behind the privacy screen with all due haste.

“So, what’s the situation?” Emrys asked from behind the screen. “Dierdre wouldn’t have interrupted your break without something good.”

He spoke quietly. Not quite whispering, but unlikely to carry through two closed doors.

“Two names.” Ratts said, following suit. “They said someone called Hyrix Snowfeather might have ransacked a house they went to visit, and they’re worried you might know about someone called Captain Harkalm.”

Snowfeather was in one of Emrys’s missions.

Syl had memorized the version of his visions that Emrys had written down. “Neutralize Hyrix Snowfeather” had been labeled as medium difficulty, equal to finding Redclaw’s treasure but less dangerous than killing Kelizar. She didn’t remember exactly what the reward was.

“We’re aware of Snowfeather, in broad strokes at least.” Emrys said. “The other one is new.”

“Harkalm… he was an older pirate from Warvil Lanteri’s generation.” Syl said, the name jogging a memory, “I don’t think he’s been active for a while. Might be dead.”

Emrys looked at her with his knowing smile, the kind that meant she’d need to ask for an explanation later. He nodded.

“Makes sense.” He said. “As far as we’ve been able to tell, the Three Reasons were split up by people who knew they could be used as a key. I’d bet Harkalm, Warvil, and the captain from the Saber’s Kiss split the artifact three ways so no one of them could get Redclaw’s treasure.”

“Why would they do that?” Syl asked, skeptical, “If they were on good terms, they’d be better off splitting the treasure three ways. If they hated each other, they probably would have fought over the pieces.”

“I dunno, but it’s a trope.” Emrys said with a shrug. “My missions seem to have a flair for the dramatic. Maybe we can get the full story from Harkalm.”

Emrys pushed a coffee table from the common room out of the way, letting him access the desk and pick up a pen and paper. He started writing.

“If we can track him and the Wavestrider Tribe down and they aren’t in the same place, I think we have all the information we need to cut out Varossa.” Emrys said. “Go to the desk in the temple and ask about the price for a basic dossier on each. If you can get a recommendation from Cog or Linu on someone who won’t screw us over, even better. After that, find the guard house closest to the Enterprise so we can move Lubo. Give the guards this if they ask questions.”

Mission: become an honorary member of the Wavestrider Tribe. Low difficulty.

“So you figure that the Tribe will know where one piece is and so will Harkalm.” Syl asked.

He folded the paper and handed it to Syl and nodded.

“That, or they live near the treasure itself.” Emrys said, “In any event, that’s most of what we need to go off of. If they are in the same place, we were always supposed to find him and his new community… or enemies. Whatever.”

Syl frowned, not entirely convinced, but if it meant getting rid of the snake on their ship she could accept a bit of risk.

“Ratts and I will gather the men, or at least the most trustworthy of them,” Sosima said, “I think it would be best if everyone was assembled before we make any movements.”

“Good idea.” Emrys said with a nod. “I’m sorry I can’t be there. I’ll feel twitchy until I know Lubo is safely in custody.”

“Get some rest.” Syl suggested. “We can handle it.”