The usual Parker luck but with a twist

*NOTE: I'm a little overwhelmed with life stuff right now but I noticed this and thought those of you enjoying my Tom Kim branch might appreciate a Marvel take on things. If you're interested in me continuing any particular branch of any particular story, please let me know in the comments and I'll see what I can do!*

Peter yelped as he woke up and saw that he'd overslept by a significant degree.

"Oh, no! That fight with the Sinister Syndicate must have taken a lot more out of me than I thought! Ugh! I'm already an hour late!" he groaned as he quickly slid into his Spidey costume. "I gotta get going! Maybe if I start webslinging now, I'll at least get there before-"

He'd barely gotten his tights on when his phone rang. He saw it was the Bugle and picked it up, hoping it was Robbie instead of Jameson.

"Hello? Sorry, look, I know I'm late but-"

"PARKER!"

Peter winced as he got yelled at. Again. Typical.

"I'll forgive whatever lame-brained excuse you're about to spew and let you KEEP your JOB if you can get to the Statue of Liberty on the double and get me some PICTURES! There's some sort of ALIENS attacking and I need PHOTOS! NOW!"

"I'm on it!" Peter began as he finished slipping on his costume. "I might be running late, but I always get the best photos!"

The first ripple of reality being warped took place, not that Peter was aware of it.

"You'd better or YOU'RE FIRED!" J. Jonah James roared as he hung up on Peter.

"Yeesh." Peter said, rubbing one ear as he slipped on his mask, put his phone in his tights and lifted open his window and leaping out. "An alien invasion before I've even had my breakfast? Where are the FF or the Avengers when you need 'em?"

As he quickly swung towards the Statue of Liberty, he let out his hangry thoughts out, unaware that his words now had consequences.

"Here I am having to fight an armada of outer space weirdos before my coffee and where's everybody else? I bet Tony Stark's busy having a sexy breakfast in bed with some models right now."

***
Meanwhile, Iron Man was radioing his compatriots about the surprise invasion of the Badoon from high in the stratosphere.

"OK, my targeting systems are at their limits but I'm repurposing some satellites and- aha! There! I'm seeing about three more warships breaking atmo right now to join the three currently strafing Lady Liberty. I'm launching heat seeking missiles now, when they hit atmo, they're in for a very nasty-"

The world warped and shimmied around him as he blinked and found himself in his lush bed - and not alone.

"Good morning, Anthony." a gorgeous platinum blonde murmured with a yawn as she stretched her curvy, athletic frame to his left wearing nothing but a pair of silver fishnet garters, a garter belt and smile. "I must say, as far as confusing awakenings go, this is more pleasant than most but I do feel rather famished. Also, annoyed to have been kidnapped but we'll get to that in short order. Odd, I should be decidedly more furious."

"God, could you talk less?" groaned a lovely leggy redhead from Tony's right as she sat up, also nude except for a blue mask and blue thigh high leather heels. "I don't think I've ever been that drunk in my life. Fuck my diet, I desperately need mimosas and carbs. And an explanation for why I'm mostly naked in your bed with a Queen, Tony. But first, that other stuff. Sooooooo hungover!"

"Silver Sable? Hellcat? What the- how-" a baffled Tony Stark began, blinking in shock.

"I'm sorry, did you think I should have answers?" Silver Sable said, raising an eyebrow. "This is your bedroom, I assume, from the decor and helmet on the nightstand."

"Did we, uh-" Tony began, briefly distracted by all the beautiful women as they seemed to unconsciously pose as seductively as possible. "Do you remember us, uh- wow, I could have sworn I was fighting an alien invasion five seconds ago!"

Silver Sable scoffed as she rolled onto her side and toyed with his chest hair.

"I can guarantee that we didn't if you're having to ask. No man has ever forgotten me after a night together, much less one where I seem to have explored my sexuality with a woman for the first time. I think we should be both be somewhat insulted, Miss Walker."

Hellcat arched her back like her namesake and groaned, unaware that she was posing seductively.

"If we're we're like 90% naked in a bed together, it's Patsy. And I am waaaaay too hungover to figure out why or how we're both nearly naked in bed with Tony Stark. But I know what I need!"

"Carbs and mimosas, you mentioned that." Tony began. "I keep some booze for guests but-"

"That's not all! I also need a mustache ride apology, Mr. Kidnaps Models In Their Sleep. You're lucky that you're so hot." Patsy purred as she ran a hand over the other side of his chest and hooked one of her lovely legs over his. "Or the blonde with the sexy accent can give it a go, I'm so hungover that I don't care who goes down on me."

Tony Stark blinked, too stunned to react as the two supermodels caressed him, trying to decide if he should call the Avengers or lay back and enjoy this.

"Well, "the blonde with the sexy accent" is decidedly more discerning and a regent besides." Sable scoffed in response as she pushed her perky bust into Tony's left arm. "So, I would say that, if anyone should be offered a carnal apology, I think I rather call- what do you Americans say? Dibs. But first, breakfast. I think either way, we're all about to need our strength for what's to-"

She paused and stage whispered the last word of her sentence into Tony's ear while reaching down to lightly trace a finger down the length of his twitching cock.

"-come."

With an unwitting nudge from Spider-Man, the devil on Tony's shoulder shushed the angel and he yelled "Jarvis! Hold my calls! And get us some breakfast!"

***

Meanwhile, Spider-Man continued to grumble as he swung as quickly as he could towards the famous landmark.

"And where's the Fantastic Four when you need them? Aren't aliens their whole deal? And I don't mean just how Johnny always seems to seduce them. I swear, if there's at least one cute one, he'll have them swooning and begging to "teach me about this human thing called love" in all of five minutes!"

***
Proxima Midnight shot toxins out of her her lance out at a few of the assembled Avengers as her army of Badoon mercenaries harried the majority of them.

"Fools! You've fallen into my trap! We've discovered technology that makes us unstoppable!" the statuesque blue alien sneered. "Soon, the rest of my armada will arrive with our doomsday weapon and this pitiful planet will bow to the will of Thanos!"

Captain Marvel coughed as the toxins hit her full blast and began to drop from the sky.

"Tony, catch Carol! She's- wait, where the HELL did Tony go?" snarled a pissed off She-Hulk as she hurled concrete at a **** field, only to watch it break apart on impact and not damage any of the attacking alien armada. "We can't lose any more firepower!"

"Did somebody say FIREPOWER?" came a cocky voice from the sky as the Human Torch appeared to catch Captain Marvel. "Man, I almost never get an opening that good! Sorry, the rest of the team's in Arizona. Luckily for you all, I had a date here! You OK, Marvel?"

Carol managed a weak cough and a thumbs up.

"Just gonna need to- to take five. Gonna fly into space and try to burn out the toxins." she wheezed before flying off into space at a speed so strong that she unleashed a sonic boom.

"Well, far be it for me of all people to stop a good burn-"

"Less fire puns, more fire fighting!" snapped an irritated Hawkeye from the ground as he dealt with a strafing ship trying to kill him with laser fire. "Try to see if their **** field has a heat limit!"

"OK, OK! I'm on it!" Johnny said as he flew up and began burning as hot as he could in the direction of the blue skinned alien supervillainess.

"Idiot! These forcefields were built to survive orbiting SUNS!" Proxima Midnight sneered at him. "Burn as brightly as you want, worm! There is nothing you humans can do to stop me from conquering this pitiful world with our Celestial powered technology!"

"How about if I said pretty please, don't do that? With sugar on top?" Johnny replied jokingly as he cranked up the heat to near nova levels to try and burst their tech bubble.

"That is- you- I- I . . ."

Proxima Midnight began to feel a strange warmth between her legs that had nothing to do with the literal heat that the fiery Earth man was giving off. She licked her lips, confused by her sudden ache for this man.

"Gods, what are you doing to me?" she moaned. "Why do I suddenly need you inside me?"

"Haha, wait, what?" Johnny said, stopping his blast of flames abruptly. "Are you joking?"

"No! I- I-" the blue alien leader of the armada began. She felt suddenly weak in the knees with desire as she'd never had before. "I NEED you! Kiss me! NOW!"

She tapped a button on her wrist and the seemingly impenetrable forcefield tech she was about to conquer the Earth with simply deactivated.

". . . what." said Hawkeye flatly as he watched the scene unfold above him.

"Yeah, I second that what." Black Widow added drolly. "But you can't complain about results. I should stun her before she comes to her senses-"

"Mistress! What are you doing?" came the garbled alien words of the Badoon warriors over a wrist communicator as their leader ruined their plans. "What of our conquest of Earth?"

"Surrender! Surrender as I now surrender myself to this beautiful fiery mortal!"

"Uh, my friends just call me me Johnny-" a stunned, blinking Human Torch began but was immediately interrupted.

"Oh, Johnny! I must have you! Teach me about this human thing called love!" she shouted, tossing aside her lance and kissing him even as he burned brightly in the sky, wrapping her long, muscular legs around his waist.

"Or that works too." Widow finished with a raise of her eyebrow.

Spider-Man arrived just as this happened and whipped out his camera to take a picture of the stunned Johnny Storm accepting a very sexy surrender while She-Hulk, Black Widow and Hawkeye blew the ships out of the sky around them, framing them like fireworks.

"Wow!" Peter said with a wry chuckle as he snapped a photo he just knew would make the front page of the Bugle. "Did I call it or what?"