On your way back to the dorm!

The shopping trip ended the way it began, with Jamal leading the way. Bags swung from Justins hands, each one packed with clothes you never thought you’d buy in a million years. Tight jeans. Shorts that stopped far higher up your thighs than you’d ever dared. Jamal also made you get some Shirts that clung to your chest and arms, showing the lines you usually hid under hoodies after you got the underwear since he thought you needed some more that fit you better.

You weren’t even sure why you let it happen. Maybe it was Jamal’s smooth confidence, the way he insisted you looked good in all of them, that it would be a waste not to show your body. Maybe it was Justin’s occasional supportive nod, quiet like always but still affirming.

Every time you looked even just slightly doubtful, Jamal had been there with a pat on the back, a squeeze on your shoulder or a laugh that made you feel small for doubting yourself at all.

But now that it was over, that you were walking back out into the warm air of the mall’s parking lot, your stomach twisted. You couldn’t wear half this stuff outside, could you? Not to class, not to the gym and definitely not to grab groceries. People would stare. People would for sure think and assume things about you.

The three of you lingered by the exit for a moment, the late sunlight bouncing off the glass doors. This whole trip went way longer then any of you expected. You remember how Jamal wanted to take you to the club fair later, but its probably way to late for that now. You hope that it happens again tomorrow, so that you can enlist in the swimming club, that apparently you are going to join.

Justin shifted awkwardly with all of your bags, his eyes darting everywhere but at Jamal. He’d been like that all day, you realized. When it was just the two of you, he relaxed, even smiled sometimes or made jokes. But the second Jamal or later Darnell were close, he tightened up completely, like a rabbit with hawks circling overhead, like he was scared to say anything that could offend them. You did not understand why he acted that way at all, yes Jamal is a strange at points and Darnells presence felt imposing, but still, they are still just human.

“Yo, Justin,” Jamal said, smooth as always. “We’ll catch you on friday at Sarah's, aight? Got some errands to run before we head back.”

Justin nodded quickly, almost too quickly. “Yeah, yeah, sure. I’ll just… head home. See you guys.”

"Send my rewards to Trent, you did good today, white boy" Jamal said while he gave him a cocky grin. Justin just glanced at you whith a strange look in his eyes which was hard to read, something between sympathy and warning, he gives you your bags with all your clothes, before hurrying off toward his pretty nice car.

You have no idea why Jamal would tell him that he did good today. That seems pretty strange to you, he also treated him like some kind of pet the whole day if you think about it, like right now calling him "white boy" why not just say his name? That's something to think about later, maybe its just their way of being friends, which would still be strange, but at least an explanation for the behavior.

For now with Justin going to his car, that left you and Jamal. Just the two of you again.

The ride back was quiet at first. You sank into the passenger seat, your bags piled at your feet, your head buzzing with too many thoughts to sort through. Jamal started the car, one hand draped lazily over the wheel, the other tapping against the console as the bass-heavy music thumped low.

You stared out the window, trying to untangle it all.

The clothes. The way Jamal had “helped” by tugging at your waistband, pulling fabric tight across your hips, brushing his big hands against you like it was nothing. He said it was just to check the fit, and maybe it was, but it left a heat in your chest and on your skin you couldn’t shake.

Then there were all these comments. Lile that cake needs to be shared with the world or other ones about your body. He’d said them like compliments, and everyone else seemed to take them that way. So why did they leave you feeling more like a product being shown off than a person?

And then Darnell and Abigail. God, Abigail looked beautiful, completely your type, so confident, soft and sharp all at once. She talked to you like she’d known you forever, teased you, made your ears burn without even trying. The way she spoke about Darnell, about how he changed her, about being his snow bunny… It had been so raw, so shameless. She said it like it was the most natural thing in the world, like giving up everything for one man was just what love was.

Snow bunny. The word was sticking to your mind like caramel. You thought it was silly at first, maybe even insulting. But the way Abigail smiled when she said it, the way her blue eyes glowed with pride, made it sound… different. Like something beautiful, even if you couldn’t fully understand it.

And then Jamal’s explanation. You glanced at him now, his strong profile lit by the glow of the dashboard, calm, steady, powerful. His dark skin is glowing in the light, which for some reason makes your heart thump faster.

The way he talked about snow bunnies earlier hadn’t been soft or romantic like Abigail. It had been blunt, raw and about control. About turning boys into something new. You hadn’t expected that from him. He always seemed so easygoing, so laid-back. But when he spoke about his past, about white boys he’d “shaped”… it had been almost genuinely scary.

Still… a tiny, hidden part of you wondered. If he saw something in them they couldn’t see themselves, wasn’t that… good? Maybe Jamal just understood people better than you did. Maybe he was helping. Abigail seemed happy with the way Darnell “shaped” her, didn’t she?

You shifted in your seat, tugging at the hem of your shirt, uncomfortable in your own skin. You didn’t know what you were supposed to think. About the clothes. About Jamal’s comments. About snow bunnies. About yourself.

Beside you, Jamal hummed along with the music, relaxed as ever, like nothing in the world weighed on him.

You pressed your forehead lightly to the window, watching the city blur past.

What am I even doing?