The Interview Part 2

Pouring over my transcripts she periodically raises her head to ask me questions. Sometimes about magic and sometimes well-- rather bizarre questions usually of a sexual nature.

"Hmmnn says here you're from Halibut Cove, what's that a fishing village?" Before I can answer she asks the first of her off the wall questions." Hey did you ever watch a couple of carp do it? You know the old in and out? You must have seen fish fuck in an aquarium right?"

What? "Um -- ah no. It never really crossed my mind to ah watch two fish um have sex." Now what the fuck kind of question was that. She adjusts her glasses and starts reading from my transcripts again thankfully forgetting about her previous question." The Halibut Cove School of Magic. Your grades in elemental magic are impressive, your proctors really sing your praises. Your healing magic grades are also very high. Your counselor recommending that you train as a battlemage. Hhmph we'll be the judges of that. Not some flunky mage from a rinky dink jerk water fishing village-- no offense."

Offense taken you decrepit old bat." Actually all the proctors in Halibut Cove are Academy graduates. My military history proctor Mr. Taylor graduated top of his class and was a decorated battlemage during the Vang War. He not only taught us advanced elemental battle spells but also spells to discover what types of magic work best against various opponents."

She snorts" Jack Taylor?! I remember him. If my memory serves me correctly he has a curved penis! Shaped like a banana!" She wags her finger at me." Never trust a man with a bent wang young lady. They'll lead you astray sure as shit."

Now what in the name of fuck does a bent wee wee have to do with anything? She goes back to scanning my documents. She looks kinda goofy bending over her desk reading my paperwork with her face mere centimeters away from the desktop.

She suddenly looks up from her desk." Ah says here you had a bit of trouble with your second level alchemy class, had to repeat it the following semester. Care to tell me why grey bandit monkeys are always masterbating? One would think they'd have more important things to occupy their time with but no they're always playing with their peckers! Why girl why?!"

Good grief! What do monkeys jerking off have to do with my alchemy grades? I take a deep breath before trying to answer her outlandish question with an equally outlandish reply." I honestly couldn't tell you Ms. Baines. I do have a theory though. I believe they might be attempting to communicate with beings from one of the several astral planes. However they're efforts have thus far been in vain. As far as the masterbation goes I think in all probability it's due to frustration over their failed efforts. Kind of a stress reliever."

I elaborate further." I also believe that we and the other more evolved species need to worry for if their efforts were to suddenly bare fruit we would face a cataclysmic event that would rip asunder the very fabric of time itself. Therefore we need to keep a close eye on those monkeys and do everything within our power to sabotage their efforts. Yes we need to keep them polishing their poles so to speak or we, nay the entire cosmos itself will be fucked."

I can't believe I just said all of that bullshit with a straight face.

Ms. Baines leans back in her chair and smiles. "That young lady was the finest bit of malarkey I have heard in a long time. Not only that but you told it in such a convincing manner that well-- I'm impressed." She then adds." And as far as Jack Taylor is concerned he was a fine student here as were all of the other proctors you had at your school in Halibut Cove. I only wanted to see how you would respond to such an insult. You did well."

She stands up and extends her hand." Congratulations Ariadne Chapman. I think you'll be a fine student here at the academy." I stand and shake her hand, relieved that I have passed my interview.

She adds." Go downstairs and Alexei will assign you a guide to give you a tour of the campus." She than says with a smile." Oh by the way I have no idea what Jack's penis is like--- but I do wish I had the opportunity to find out, he is quite a handsome man after all."

I'm so happy right now I could burst. I guess Ms. Baines 's bizarre questions and behavior was part of an elaborate test to see how I would handle myself.

I look forward to furthering my education when the new semester starts in a few weeks.