No Turning Back

I sit in front of the screen, my eyes fixed on the words, which pour over me like an unstoppable wave. My voice reads them aloud, but my thoughts are no longer just with the text. Something inside me has changed, a boundary has been crossed, and I feel a dark, unexpected desire spreading within me. It's no longer just the text that occupies my mind – it’s what it’s triggering inside me.

“I begin to smile as my gaze falls on Johan. His confident posture and the hungry look in his eyes excite me particularly.”

My breath catches as I say the words, and I notice my own smile forming on my lips, involuntary, unwanted. The thought that I’m enjoying reading this aloud, that I’m letting myself sink into the role, is frightening and at the same time irresistible. I should stop, I should pull myself together, but I can’t. I don’t want to.

“‘You start, Johan,’ I whisper firmly. ‘Make me tremble and turn me into your little slut.’”

The words I’m reading feel so wrong, so far removed from anything I would ever say myself, and yet... as I speak them, I feel them touch something inside me. A part of me wants to dive into this fantasy, wants to lose control, to surrender to a world that both scares and fascinates me. My heart begins to race, not just because of the text but also because of the thoughts now swirling uncontrollably through my mind.

“My heart races wildly as Lara slowly removes the condom from the wrapper. Did I really just say that?”

It’s as if I exist in two worlds at once. One where I’m Kathrin, barely able to contain my shame, and another where I’m being pulled deeper into the fantasy, where I want it to continue, where I want more. It’s as if the text has opened a door I never should have opened. But now that it’s open, there’s no turning back.

“Her skillful fingers glide over the smooth latex as she carefully rolls it over his erect manhood.”

The image forming in my mind is vivid, almost tangible. I can see Johan’s face before me, how he looks at me, how he wants me. It’s not real, it’s just a fantasy, but in this moment, it feels more real than anything I’ve ever felt. My body reacts in a way that’s unfamiliar to me, but that I can’t ignore. I feel the heat rising inside me, a desire I don’t want, but that is now undeniably there.

“As he positions himself between my spread thighs, I feel a nervousness I’ve never experienced before, but also a sensation I’ve never felt before.”

The words keep flowing, but I can feel my voice trembling, my hands sweating. I should stop, I should stop myself from sinking further into this world of thought, but it’s too late. The fantasy has taken hold of me, and I want more. I want to experience it, even if it’s only in my mind. It’s an addiction I can no longer control.

“My heart races as he slowly moves forward, pressing the head of his penis against my wet opening.”

I read the words, and in my mind, an image forms that grips me, that arouses me. The text has drawn me into a world I never wanted to enter, but now that I’m here, I don’t want to leave. I want to feel, to experience what the character is experiencing. I am no longer just the reader; I am Amy, I am the one who feels, who surrenders, who loses control.

“The moment of union is within reach.”

And I too have reached a point where there is no turning back. The text, which first repelled me, has now pulled me into a fantasy I can’t let go of. My body, my mind, everything craves more. I want it to continue, for it never to stop.