Probably not?

Causality violation detected. Tracing paradox...
Error. Tachyon field compromised. Paradox inversion protocol engaged. Initiating tachyon feedback loop...
Loop established. Artificial timeline stabilised. Analysing causality breach. Pinpointing location...
Virgo Supercluster. Sub-type I civilization detected. Triaging paradox..
Complete. Low priority detected. Automated system engaged. Assigning AI guidance unit. Allocating data storage...
Complete. Engaging fractal sundering of: biological lifeform (1)...
Sundering complete. Initiating allocation of fractal consciousnesses...
Cataloguing complete.
Harvesting data...
Harvesting data...
Harvesting data...
Harvesting data...
Scanning collected data... Defragging...
All clear. No errors detected. Collapsing loop and re-integrating matter into prime timeline in 3... 2... 1...

White walls. No... ceiling? You're lying down. Hands are cold. Throat is sore. Have you been screaming? What just... the tachyon emitter. You were... outside something? With a... something. A voice, in your head? Fuzzy. Head is fuzzy. You want to go home. Home? Where are you anyway, is this a hospital?

You push yourself to a sitting position and two things become immediately and horrifyingly evident. Number 1: You were not, in point of fact, in a hospital. And number 2: You had fucked. Shit. Up.

The round, sterile white room was not in and of itself a feature worthy of concern. The large panel and holographic display cascading with alien runes was a little unsettling, if very cool. No, what really bothers you is the endless series of rooms to either side of you, filled with... well, you.

Beyond some kind of invisible barrier that repels your hand when approaching in the same way as when trying to **** two powerful magnets with the same polarity together, you see more rooms stretching out seemingly forever. You would assume you were standing between two mirrors reflecting each other if it weren't for the other copies of yourself not reflecting your actions. No sound comes from their screaming mouths, but you join them regardless.

Once you'd finished screaming and lay huddled in a corner of the room covered in a cold sweat, hands shaking, you finally realise that you're no longer alone. You feel a sort of.. warm glow flow through you, like thick, golden light unwinding your tension turn by turn. Feels good. This is fine. Everything is fine now. You stand up, looking around at your new surroundings once again.

The walls are now opaque on all sides, and a busty Asian woman in a taught business suit suit stands behind the otherworldly console, her hands behind her back, sizeable chest thrust forward. She maintains uncomfortable, unblinking eye contact with you. You realise she's been talking to you.

“-ative administered. Mental stabilisation confirmed. Re-commencing initiation.”

You blink and stare at her. God, she's hot. Who is this goddess?

“Greetings, [human male]. My identification number is irrelevant. We will not be long acquainted”, the beautiful alien entity states emotionlessly.

“Very well, ‘Entity’ will suffice. I am a fragment of a synthetic network designated for the role of correcting spatial and temporal anomalies”, the Entity says. “When you ripped a hole in spacetime, you removed yourself from reality - past, present and future. Failsafe systems transported you here in the moments before your vaporization.”

“...Uh?” you reply, staring unabashedly at the huge pair of breasts barely contained by what must be the world's strongest shirt buttons. On closer inspection (and by god were you inspecting), her clothes looked to be part of her skin? What the fuck was -

“My outward appearance is configured to suit the species being interacted with. If it is causing discomfort, it can be altered or removed. Would you prefer an inanimate object or domesticated species?” The Entity states blankly, interrupting your thoughts.

Her - flesh?- melts like molten glass, shifting and re-solidifying quickly into a chrome sphere, then a featureless humanoid, then a horse, of all things.

“Uh, nope. No thank you! I mean, erm. The first one was fine. More than fine! It was… it’s not a problem”, you blurt out, stumbling over your words and hastily tucking away the pseudo-fear boner you’d been growing whilst ogling the Entity’s heaving bosom.

“Very well. It is of no concern,” The Entity says, shifting back into the buxom Asian woman. “Let us proceed to the nature of your incarceration here, and the necessary steps you will be required to perform to resume your previous life.”

She reaches a slender arm out, and dips her hand into the flow of alien runes. They flow around her hand like water, twitching and shifting in colour and form. She flicks and twists at them as they pass, and a display materializes. An image of the room you're standing in, zooming out to show the back of your head, then the room itself slowly shrinking. You see rooms on either side stretching out into nothingness. An endless chain of duplicates spiralling outwards into a vast void, shrinking rapidly to a thin line. The Entity's fingers twitch and a symbol rotates. The display zooms back in until you once again see the room you're both standing in.

“This is you,” the Entity said. “Or rather, a version of you. Right now, you exist outside the universe, in a… you would perceive it as a pocket reality. And here’s what happens if the universe continues to exist with you removed as a variable.”

The display goes black, and then a thin line stretches forward from a single point, winding through the void before branching over and over into a vast tree. Red errors appear alongside a faint blip, slowly at first but accelerating until the room is naught but a cacophony of crimson lights and deafening alarms and then... silence.

Warning! Cascade effect limit exceeded. Critical failure!

“Uhh… wow,” you say. “I didn’t realize I was so important.”

“You are not”, the Entity replies nonchalantly. “Quite insignificant, in fact. On a scale of cosmic influence, you’re easily in the 99th percentile. Utterly unimportant.”

“Oh. Well, er… good? So what’s with.. that?” you reply, gesturing vaguely at your surroundings and waving your arms through the holographic chaos. The fractal images ripple and disperse before fading away, leaving you alone with the Asian gravure model-cum-Alien AI.

“Have you heard of the butterfly effect? No? A simple premise. The sensitive dependence on initial conditions means that a small change in one state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in later states. Essentially, there is currently a hole in reality in the shape of your existence. Every time any particle should have come into contact with that hole, it now results in a different variable, which in turn creates more unaccounted for timelines. Exponentially so when sentience and free will are added as variables. Given the chaotic nature of reality, things get messy quicker than we can account for. And as auditors of the multiverse, we don’t like things messy.”

“So… I broke the universe? Or, the version of it you like?” you ask.

“Essentially, yes. It renders much of our tachyon technology inaccurate if left unchecked. These things happen more often than you’d think, especially with type III civilizations.” The Entity raises an eyebrow and offers a wry smile. “To see it occur in a species so primitive as your own is a rarity, and one not worthy of manual correction. To that end, your re-insertion into the universe will be completely automated, hence the use of this AI to facilitate your insertion into the data mining liminal space.”

“Meaning… what, exactly?” you ask, somewhat at a loss as to what the point of all this was.

“We're just going to have you play out every possible way you could interact with reality in every conceivable timeline. You'll play out every possible event that could ever happen to you and each scenario will be stored, ready to be re-inserted into the universe as and when required. It's a fully automated process. From your perspective, nothing will have happened.”

“How long will that take?”

“From a mortal perspective? Infinite eons. Long enough that the lifespan of the universe will pass in a fraction of a second, relatively speaking.”

“Oh. Well, I don't think I'm going to live that long.”

“You wont need to. We only need the data from the events, not your memory of them. You have already been duplicated into many trillions of variations of yourself. Each will be assigned a task, and will play out every possible scenario in which this task could theoretically be involved. Each time you complete a scenario, we will log it, fold the timeline back on itself and you'll be free to choose the next. No relative time will have passed.”

“Wait, so somewhere there's a copy of me being condemned to.. I dunno, stubbing my big toe on every object in the world?”

“Yes. Every object in the universe, to be precise. In every possible way.”

“And some other guy has to get murdered with a paperclip over and over again for basically eternity?”

“Correct.”

“That’s… crazy. There’s no way I’d know what to do! I’d never, I don’t know - eat a live slug! Or go on a **** spree, or... or, what about things that I don't even know how to do? You're going to dump me in a timeline where Earth was conquered by Martians and expect me to fit in? This is insane! I can't!”

“You’re going to have to. If you don’t voluntarily choose a scenario we’ll just **** you into one until the job is done. Don’t worry, you’ll be equipped with whatever you need to slip straight into a scene beforehand, along with any required knowledge and memories. Just play your part and don’t worry about the consequences. As soon as your task is complete, it’ll be as though it never happened.”

“And what is my task, then? Eating asparagus? Wiping my fucking ass? What are you condemning me to for all eternity?!”

The Entity glances down at the console in front of her.

“Let me see. P… Q… R… yes, here we are. Variation R#2^7^42… your assignment is the reception of fellacio, female partner.”

“Wait, what? So… you're telling me I have to get sloppy head from girls forever?”

“Put crudely, yes.”

“Huh.”

….

Huh?!

Wait, what! This is fucking awesome! You punch the air before a chill settles over you as you realize how very close you were to being **** to give blowjobs for all eternity. You can almost hear the wail of lament from the room next door. Best not to think about it. Hmm, actually, now that you do think about it… Every conceivable timeline? Your mind drifts to some pretty dark places, and you start to wonder if this is perhaps not the gift it appears to be.

“What if the girl I’ve been, er, assigned? What if she doesn’t want to participate? I’m not exactly great with the ladies over here.”

“Their consent is not required,” the Entity replies coolly. “You will act out every possible scenario that involves, as you so primitively expressed, 'getting sloppy head'. If that involves forcing yourself on your partner, that is simply one possible future ticked off.”

“Yeah, but that's just it though. I’d rather not get my dick bitten off over and over again.”

“That would be the role assigned to, let me see... B#2^13^13. To clarify further, any timelines in which you have or will engage in ****, underage sex and **** **** are assigned to other fractals, alongside those involving any personal injury to yourself. Your alarm is unwarranted."

“Wait, so just to clarify here. You’re giving me carte blanche to get sucked off or face-fuck whoever I like, whenever I like, with like, no consequences? And they'll all just be up for it, or else I'll just get away with it scot-free for some bullshit reason, no matter how unfeasible - just because if I couldn't, it'd be the assignment of some other version of me?

"You're telling me I'm some kind of blowjob god for all eternity?!”

“Essentially, yes", the Entity confirms. "Consider yourself lucky. So long as oral sex with a female is imminent, data will continue to be logged. Once there is no more relevant information to be catalogued, you will reset, the temporary timeline in question will be erased and you will be free to begin logging another. Any further questions?”

“Yeah, just the one", you say with barely restrained horniness, the damp stain on the front of your pants already straining at the seams to release your powerful erection. "When can I fucking start?!"