Revalations

We lay there for a while, my head resting on Chad’s firm chest. I felt his warmth and breathed in his musky scent as he idly played with my hair. The unnerving silence spoke volumes, and as my arousal waned, I decided it was time to diffuse the situation.

"I guess I should clean myself up now, huh?" I said with a lighthearted tone, hoping the joke would break the tension.

"Yeah...I think that's best," my roommate responded with a detached tone. He didn't even face me when he spoke, instead keeping his focus on the ceiling. Obviously, he was going through the same inner turmoil I was.

Begrudgingly, I separated myself from his loose embrace and made my way to the bathroom. As I started stripping down to enter the shower, I caught a glimpse of myself in the small mirror that hung over the sink. The aftermath with Chad left me with cum plastered across my face and hair, along with dried tear streaks. But something else stood out more.

I touched my lip to be sure, and the person in the mirror followed. There was a small smile etched across my face. Looking at myself in the mirror, I saw someone happy.

I got in the shower and let the hot water run down my frame, letting my mind wander on how I got to this point.

I felt myself asking the same questions that had been repeating in my head the last few days. I had always had urges, yes, but what college boy didn't? I always thought of myself as straight. I didn't like guys, and I never found myself wanting a romantic relationship with another man. Thinking about Stacy, Amanda, and some of the girls in the dance class, I knew I still got aroused by women. So how the fuck did I end up on my knees, sucking another man's cock - and LOVING it?

I thought back to every interaction I had had with Chad, the moments where I felt a fire light in my stomach when I was around him. Whenever we talked about something or cracked jokes, I felt a platonic friendship. But moments like when he grinded on me after the frat party, held me close at the gym while pretending to be my boyfriend, and commanded me to get on my knees only minutes ago, those triggered something in me. I was no longer being spoken to as a friend; I was being told and controlled, like his woman. In these moments, I felt like I was his possession, but at the same time it made me feel so sensual.

And that's when it hit me. This feeling of being wanted - I’d never had before. Outside of Stacy, I didn't have any other close friends and at school I never drew much attention to myself. I was never anything more than a plain kid, blending with the shadows. But having my roommate touch me, hold me, use me, feel me - I felt seen, noticed, appreciated. This body, which I always beat myself up over for not being bulky and masculine, was desired by someone - I was desired by someone. And that feeling was intoxicating.

This revelation made the pieces of the puzzle click. I wanted this; I wanted to be seen, held, protected. I wanted to become my roommate's girl.

I turned off the shower and began drying my skin. As I was about to leave, I took one more look at myself in the mirror. The face I saw scarcely resembled the boy I was a week ago. I was coming to terms with a new part of my identity. I might have been confused, scared, and anxious about what lay ahead, but I now had a taste of something I could never forget. I knew that this was just the beginning of a journey, but I was ready to embrace it with open arms.