Indeed, it's my worst nightmare

Dear Diary, (May 23rd, early morning)

'Are you ripe, Dolly?' The words echoed clearly in my mind as I recorded the humiliating experience on these pages. At the time I was still uncertain if Manton really want to plant a child in my belly, or if he just trying to demonstrate his power over me. I had thought that I could handle my humiliating encounter. In fact, it was not until I wrote the last few words of the previous entry, that I was overcome with a sudden wave of nausea and panic.

I was barely off the mattress when I threw up, vomiting the contents of my stomach into the corner of the room. By the time I was done, the small dark room reeked of bile, and I was a shaking mess. I couldn't even get back on the straw mattress. All I could do was sit on the floor, until my anger began to replace the numbness within me. Finally, I knocked cautiously at the locked door hoping that the soft thumping would be heard by someone who could help. It wasn't long before Old Will came to see what was wrong. The grey-haired ****'s eyes narrowed when he took in the condition of the room.

"Please," I looked up at him through my teary eyes, "I need new clothes, and someone to clean the room." His reaction was hard to interpret but after a short pause, he nodded.

"Settle down. I'll send someone."

It was Angelica who appeared with a large bucket of soapy water and several old towels. I had expected that now that she was Kyleson's ****, that she would be busy serving his needs, but apparently Old Will had sent her to me anyway.

"Was it bad, Miss Bianca?" She took in my red splotchy face, tangled hair, the puddles of waste and the rancid stench of the room and her mouth twisted slightly. "Mastah Kyleson jump on me too, girl. But I guess I knew better what was to come."

I had the thin **** dress pulled over my head and I was naked once again. It wasn't like it was with Manton leering at me, but I was still embarrassed. Angelica soaked one of the old towels in the warm soapy water and then slapped it into my hands.

"Clean yoself, girl. I ain't yo **** no more.” She dipped a second rag in the water and went to the mess in the corner anyway. "Was that yo first time with a man?"

"No." I stammered softly, "I've had a few lovers up north...but it was the first time ... like that." Angelica seemed to know exactly what I was talking about.

"Yeah, don't reckon there was much 'love' involved with Mastah Manton." As she spoke, she proceeded to wipe up my mess with her rag. "Some of dem are better than others." She had a hint of a smile on her face as she continued shamelessly, "Mastah Kyleson, he take what he wants, but there's no meanness about it. And damn that man can fuck."

Somehow it frustrated me at the same time that Angelica had somehow fared better than me, even though it had also validated her situation as a ****. She however, seemed alright with being owned by a man and used as his sex toy whenever the man felt the urge to get it on.

Is that what Miles Manton wanted from me?

To become his fancy girl? Wear pretty nightgowns and flatter his sexual mastery in the hope that his anger towards me gradually subside? Could I even please him with my feminine body? I don't know though. Manton seemed to take a sick pleasure in **** me, forcing me again and again until there was no sperm left in his testicles that he could have injected into my womb.

Each time I thought he was through, the vile man pushed his manhood into my mouth, forcing his meat down my throat until his member was good and hard so he could bang me again.

Four times in all, he was able to shoot his childbearing semen as deep as possible into my throbbing womb. As I record this awful experience, I have to wonder if the man is this rough with his lovers or in the whorehouses of Charleston? Perhaps Manton was so brutal because until just a few days ago I was free and proud, and he wanted to make it clear to me what my life as a colored **** would be. Maybe in time, he would grow **** and more considerate with me. Keeping me as a toy so he could enjoy me whenever he wished. My only hope for an end to this might be that once he married a presentable woman, she would put a stop to his philandering. Maybe.

Or?

Perhaps all Manton wanted was to fill my womb with a child that he could then sell to the highest bidder in an auction a few years later? Had Mr. Heyward planned something like that for me when my mother fled from him while pregnant? It would explain why she took such a risk if her motive was to spare her unborn child such a fate?

In the evening, after dark, Will appeared once again at my chamber with another skimpy nightgown, unlocked my ankle and led me back to Miles Manton's bedroom.

My new master was already standing next to the bed, naked except for his underwear, and welcomed me with a proud chest and a broad grin.

"You'll get what you need, you horny whore. Take off your nightshirt, thank God, sexual intercourse can only be performed naked, and especially when a child is to be conceived.”

I undressed in silence, but once I was naked, I raised my voice again in protest:

"Please don't **** a child on me, it's bad enough that I got into this situation innocently and have to suffer **** from your uncle. Please don't compound this sin by delivering another child to this terrible fate."

In response, he grabbed my hair and waist and threw me onto the bed. He pounced on me without mercy and rammed his member into my still dry vagina. After a few thrusts, his cock head slammed against my cervix and he settled into a rapid bruising rhythm. This time it took much longer than the night before, but after a while he grunted in satisfaction and pressed the tip of his cock directly against my cervix. Just before his tail began to twitch again, he cried out, panting:

"I'll fuck you as often and as long as you deserve, whore." I could feel the first burst of warmth inside me as he confirmed the awful truth. "And if I seed a child in your belly, what I do with it is none of your business. Understood?"

At the same time, he ejaculated just as profusely as the night before. And I knew then that Manton planned to wreak havoc on me again tonight with no hint of mercy or gentleness. It was clear to me that my new master intended to father a child from my womb, and that there was nothing that I could do to stop him.