BR - You, the adult*

The financial guy is a nice man in glasses in a beautiful office in a very respectable, downtown building that’s not very far from your hotel. At least FUTA made this deal with a respectable company.

“I’m glad you decided to come in,” he says after you decline his offer of coffee in his spacious office. He settles behind the desk. “Young people with fame and an unexpectedly large paycheck isn’t always a good combination. But it is an incredible opportunity to secure your future.”

“How’s that?” you ask.

“Saving for retirement,” he replies. “You’re young, but that works in your favor. Let your money do the work for you.”

“Huh?”

“He’s talking about investing, love,” Beth says, patting your leg.

“Like the stock market? Isn’t that risky and scary?” you ask.

“Not really,” the man replies with a reassuring smile. “Not if you go about it the right way. Frankly, you’re in more danger from inflation than you are from market volatility…” He goes on, but he’s losing you. Beth looks very cute in her little red dress and matching shoes, and this money stuff is so boring and hard to understand.

“Um,” you say. “Let me call my mom. Can I just have her on speaker?”

“Sure,” the man says.

You dial your mom.

“Hi, Riley,” she says.

“Hi, Mom. I’m talking to a financial advisor and I don’t know what to do,” you admit. Why lie about it?”

“Oh. OK. That’s not what I was expecting to hear, but OK. What’s the problem?” she asks gamely.

Beth has a funny look on her face, and the guy behind the desk is trying not to laugh. This isn’t funny. You’re good at soccer, not at this. You’re a university student, not a banker.

“Should I do what they say and invest the money?” you ask.

“I can’t tell you what to do, Riley. You’re an adult and it’s your money,” your mom says unhelpfully.

“What would you do?” you ask.

“Oh, God. I’d invest the hell out of it, Riley. You’re young. Lots of time for it to grow, and you don’t really need it for much right now, do you? The soccer people are taking care of you, right?”

“Yeah,” you say.

“Listen to her,” Beth murmurs.

“Who was that?” your mom asks.

“Oh, Beth’s here.”

“Beth, as in, my daughter’s first girlfriend that I haven’t even gotten to meet yet?” your mom asks, laughing. “Hi, Beth. I’m Mary. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Mom!” you burst out, embarrassed.

Beth is dying laughing. “Hello, Mary. Very pleased to meet you,” she manages to get out.

The man behind the desk waits patiently.

In the end, you agree to do whatever it is that he’s suggesting. Your mother and Beth both think it’s a good idea. Something about Roth… mutual… something or other. You don’t care.

“So when are you coming home?” your mom demands as you’re wrapping up. You’re about to end the call and leave the office.

“Home?” you repeat, lost.

“Yeah. You haven’t heard?” she asks, sounding baffled. “FUTA is shutting down.”

“That’s just till Monday, Mary,” Beth says, leaning toward the phone.

“No,” your mom replies. “It’s indefinite. They’re shutting down the whole camp. It’s temporary, but they estimated like six weeks at least.”

Stunned, you and Beth exchange a look.

“Huh,” you say, scratching your head.