Start in on a power trip, of course

"So," Meg said after a long moment, "what exactly does that mean?"

"Yeah, I'd like to know that, too," Celina added.

Both of them looked at me expectantly.

I cleared my throat dramatically. This whole thing was so fucking stupid. "I know what it means to own the universe!" I declaimed.

"Uh," Meg said, "that doesn't exactly clue us in, Ash. Or are You gonna keep this a big secret?"

"I mean, You can if You want to," Celina said. "Your call. I'm just curious."

"That's part of it," I said. "Whatever I do, everyone's OK with it. Doesn't matter what."

"I guess that would go with ownership," Celina said, nodding. "Nobody can object to You doing what you like with what You own."

"Well, there's more," I went on. "What I can do isn't limited to what you'd think is physically possible."

"That seems pretty clear," Meg said. "Celina's body, the whole #CoffeeIsForGods thing. Both of those seem pretty damn impossible."

"But then why did they seem so weird?" Celina asked. "I mean, I was asleep for the coffee thing, but I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown over this body." She stretched. "I'm cool with it now, though."

"Probably because I wasn't aware of it," I said. "Now that I am, everyone knows it, at least on a subconscious level." And if they hadn't known before I said that, they sure did now.

Another silence. This time I broke it.

"Uh, mind if I test it on you two?"

"You don't need to ask, Ash," Megan said.

"Yeah, You own us. We just went over that," Celina reminded me.

"Hey, you two might be totally OK with this but I'm still getting used to it. Give me a few days and I'll probably be like some power-tripping porn story protagonist who doesn't give a shit about anyone else but for now I'm probably going to be asking permission more often than not."

Both of then just nodded. It didn't matter to them one way or the other; it wasn't as if they could bring themselves to say no.

I looked at Meg first. "I bet you know what I want to do to you."

"Yeah, I know," she said. "Hey, at least I'll like it once it's done."

I nodded. "Meg, you're bi now."

"Cool. Can I eat You out later?"

"And Celina, you live here now."

"Sweet. No more dealing with my parents still thinking I'm a deadbeat."

"Also, your student debts are paid off, Meg."

"Fuckin' awesome."

There was no need for me to say that about my debts. I knew those had gone away as of the morning. Same with the house, no more rent payments.

"And both of you have credit cards with no limit and never need to pay off the balance, and can cut to the front of any line." I made a mental note to myself to call a staff meeting tomorrow and do this for all of them, too.

"Youdamn, You're the best owner I could ever want, Ash," Celina said.

"What was that?" I asked.

"What, 'Youdamn'?" Celina asked. "Seems like the right thing to say. I mean, You're You now."

"Can you not say the word 'God'?" I asked curiously.

"Seems like I Youdamn well can't," Meg said. "Every time I try to say 'You' it comes out as 'You'."

"It feels like I'm using a capital letter whenever I try to say 'You' when I'm talking about You, Ash," Celina observed.

I got up and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. "Here," I said, thrusting them at Meg. "Try writing 'God' as if you were going to put it into a letter to me." It was already clear they could use my name; it only seemed to be the notion of God that was tripping them up.

Meg **** her hand into the position where she would start writing a capital "G", but it was shaking, and she ended up awkwardly writing a capital "Y". The lowercase "o" came out fine, but her effort to write a "u" turned into an awkward "d".

She looked like she'd just had her life threatened given how hard she was sweating and shaking.

"Here, why don't you give it a try, Celina?" Meg said, pushing the pen and paper over. "Because Ashdamn that was tough."

"So, what, I've basically just overwritten everyone else's concept of God?"

Celina struggled every bit as much as Meg to write the word. I took the paper and scrawled "God" on it easily.

"I bet in a few days You'll be saying 'Oh My Me' when I'm eating You out," Celina said, smirking.

"I'm not that full of Myself." I clapped a hand to my mouth.

"Looks like someone's already power-tripping," Meg teased.

"Medamnit, no I'm not!" My hands went to My mouth again, then I put My face in them entirely as I caught My thoughts. "I'm gonna end up like one of those ridiculous protagonists who becomes all-fucking-powerful and just goes on a spree of altering the world to fit My desires, aren't I? I'm gonna end up seeing everything else as nothing more than extensions of Me and have pretty much no moral scruples about what I do," I predicted. "I'm gonna enforce whatever fucked-up notions of morality I have on the rest of you while breaking every single one of them Myself."

Meg and Celina looked at each other.

"Hot," they said simultaneously.

"I need a good fuck," I concluded. "There's one bed in this house, and it's in My bedroom. It's a king that can fit all three of us comfortably." At least I didn't feel like I should be capitalizing pronouns when they included things I owned. "You two are going to bring Me to a lot of orgasms." I shook My head as I realized I was already thinking about other people merely as "things".

"Sounds great," Celina said. "But, uh, can we finish dinner first? Dunno if You still need to eat but You haven't said we don't."

"Oh, sure, go ahead. And it's hot again."

"I'm gonna love living with You," Meg said, then dug in.