FK Day 11 - Figure it out

You sit there as the rain falls on the dining hall.

You need help. Your family… is not an option. You can’t ask Michelle about this. Who could you ask? Tiff? No. Definitely not.

Amelie. Amelie is the one you have to talk to, but wait a minute. Is that the test? Elena is accusing you of being a wimp. Would it be cowardly to get advice instead of figuring it out yourself? And what are you figuring out again? Damn it, you are a soccer player, not a philosopher.

You suddenly remember that Viti is there, her nose in her book… and her cheeks red. She’s been listening. Fuck! Was this part of Elena’s trap?

“Um,” you say. “Sorry, Viti.”

“For what?” she asks, not very convincingly.

For having a hugely awkward conversation in front of her. Obviously. But you don’t want to make an issue of it.

You leave the dining hall, but stay under the edge of the building so you don’t get rained on. You see lights on in the cabins. Elena said some things that really bothered you. She’s right about at least some of it. Maybe all of it. You try to play it all back and tease out what she was getting at. She’s pressuring you to do something, but what? To make a move? To make up your mind about how you want to define… what, exactly? Your identity? Your preferences? That doesn’t seem quite right.

She’s testing you. Elena really is a dom, just like Amelie… she just goes about it a different way. You think about that for a long time as you watch the rain. And, you realize… as sexy as Elena is, you don’t like her way as much as you like Amelie’s way.

It feels good to arrive at that. Was this what Elena wanted? Maybe. You kneel and make sure your shoelaces are tight, then plunge out of shelter and into the woods, running as fast as you can.

You think that you understand. There’s only one way to find out.

You run through the woods, cutting to the road, which you follow. It would’ve been a tough run even without the rain, with so many hills and on a gravel road. You feel a twinge of guilt. You’re risking injury like this, which isn’t fair to your team, but you can’t turn back now. You should also be thinking more about soccer and less about sex, but Elena started something that you have to finish.

It’s at least three miles to camp, but you keep your speed up the whole way. Sometimes being a dumb athlete isn’t all bad. Construction on all the FUTA stuff is paused because of the weather. There aren’t many people around, but you aren’t supposed to be here. You duck and dodge whenever you see shadows move past lit windows. Getting into trouble is not part of your plan.

You avoid the paths and stay in the woods, making your way to the counselor cabins.

Finally, you arrive at Amelie’s and knock. No one answers. She isn’t in there. It’s lunchtime. She probably has things to do. That’s OK.

You sit on her front step under the meager protection of the lip of her roof, watching the water stream down. At least it isn’t cold.